Page 100 of My Heart Will Find You

Instantly, Etta dropped her legs, stood, and started toward the barn to get a horse.

He caught her hand. “Did you forget something?”

She put her arms around his neck and they kissed. In it was all the loneliness and fear she’d felt while she was away from him. It wasn’t a kiss of passion but of loss and tears.

He broke away, frowning, and stroked her hair. “Something bad happened, didn’t it? On the train? Did someone in Garrett do something to you?”

She wanted to say,I was taken away from you, but she didn’t. She cuddled against his chest, his big arms enveloping her. She hadn’t been safe in so long that she almost didn’t remember how it felt. “No, no one. I was worried about you. You took a long time to get here. I was afraid I’d never see you again.”

“I had a flooded river and I ran into some trappers. All the usual things. Daisy missed you. She got used to the way you pull the reins then let them go too loose, then pull some more. We had a long talk about you.”

She didn’t move. She never wanted to leave the comfort of his arms.

“So no swimming? Too bad as I need someone to dry my back.”

“If I must,” she said, and they smiled in anticipation.

19

A saddled horse had magically appeared near them. It looked like everyone knew where Max and Etta were going.

There was only one horse with one saddle, and it was all they needed. Max lifted Etta into place. She moved forward, and he climbed on behind her.

For a moment she closed her eyes in the ecstasy of being so close to him.

They didn’t speak as they rode to the homestead. Their vibrating bodies said all that was needed.

He stopped in front of the dugout, and Etta felt joy in seeing it whole and intact.

When he got down, he held up his arms to her. She didn’t fall but gave herself over to the strength of him as he set her on the ground. He took her hand and they went inside.

There was the urge to rip and tear at their clothes, but there was also the desire to make it all last. As they undressed, hurriedly but not frantically, their eyes were locked.

Naked, Etta lay down on the narrow bed. She saw that Max was ready for her. In one movement, he was on her and inside her. Their pent-up wanting and needing of each other made them hold on tight.

He had days of sweat and grime on him. Was there anything more masculine than a man covered in the product ofwork? Not paper shuffling, but lifting and hauling and doing physical labor. The smell of him, the taste of his skin, was as exciting as feeling him inside her. The sheer strength of him made her feel that she might pass out from the deep pleasure of it.

It was only moments later that they came together, unable to prolong what they both wanted so much.

She tried to hold him inside her. That closeness of being linked, conjoined, of being one person, made her legs tighten, her arms holding him to her.

But he did slip out. He moved so her head was on his arm. For all that the bed was narrow, at the moment they could have been on a single iron track and it would have been enough room.

Etta’s hands were on him, her legs clasped about him. When she tightened her body, she realized she was willing his precious seed to stay inside her. She wanted it to travel upward.

Baby Lust, she thought. Her psychologist sister had spoken of it. “It’s primal!” she’d said. “It’s ancient and very, very strong. When it overtakes a woman, it’s all-consuming.”

All Etta knew was that more than anything in the world, she wanted Max’s baby. Maybe if she were carrying it, she’d never leave. And if she were taken away, the unborn child might stay with her. Her body changed from her time with him so why not change it forever?

As though he knew her thought, his hand went to her belly, and she clasped both of hers over his, holding his hand there. His fingertips curled slightly, as though he was helping her keep him inside her.

They stayed still for minutes, not speaking in words but saying everything. They were sharing the essence of themselves with each other.

After long minutes, he readjusted her body so she was facing him. She was glued to him, their legs together as almost one.

“You are different,” he said.

Fatter, she thought, and remembered sitting in Zack’s car and eating a huge bread roll filled with meat and cheese and grilled vegetables. That one sandwich was more than she ate in a day in Max’s time. On their long journey it was more than the two of them ate in days. “When you’re not around, I eat too much.”

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