Page 53 of Dove

“The world is too messed up to bring more kids into it.” I answered honestly. “I’ve barely been able to keep myself alive. I wouldn’t want to throw a kid into the mix.”

Silence followed. I felt like my words hung in the air. Like they weighed down on us. It had never crossed my mind that Maddox would want children. Maybe he was expected to have them. If Alessandra was destined for an arranged marriage, it also made sense that Leif and Maddox would be expected to produce heirs. Sometimes the mafia felt like Victorian England.

“What about you?” I finally asked when the wait became unbearable.

“I might be a psychopath, but even I know I shouldn’t have kids.” He turned his face into my hair and inhaled deeply before he spoke again. “Besides, I don’t want anything taking your attention from me. Your mine, no one else’s.”

It should be horrible that he would be jealous of his own child, but I wasn’t surprised. Maddox didn’t share what was his. If he didn’t have to work, I doubt I’d be allowed to spend time with Tessa and Alessandra since it would take time away from him.

I was surprised by my reaction to his words. To find that I liked it. I liked that he didn’t want to share me with anyone. That I was the only one he was obsessed with. The only one he loved.

26

Kincaid

The book snapped close in my lap as I threw my head back. I was feeling restless. For years, I’d used books as an escape. But now I wanted to live in the world. Wanted to truly live my life instead of letting it drag me around like it wasn’t really mine.

I no longer had a desire to leave Maddox. I wanted to be a part of his world. The life I’d agreed to. I knew I could never be involved in his business, but I could stop myself from being a hindrance. A weakness.

I pursed my lips as I looked at Henry, who sat relaxed in one of the armchairs flipping through his phone. We’d managed to move past the whole ‘using him to flirt and piss off Maddox’ thing. He didn’t blame me for the scarring on his hand. He seemed more upset that I had wanted to leave Maddox. It was strange. I couldn’t imagine why he’d have such blind devotion to him. But I suppose I might feel the same for the person who’d gotten me off the streets. And I guess I did.

“I want to learn to protect myself.” I said, breaking the silence abruptly.

“Ask Maddox.” He answered without lowering his phone. “Not a single guy here is going to risk touching you to teach you self-defense.”

I huffed out a sigh. He wasn’t wrong. I doubted Maddox would appreciate it. I’m sure if I asked him, he’d show me. But the tension between the Gallos and Vancinis had risen again. He was gone most days and nights. From what I’d heard, he was fortifying security in the clubs. I didn’t want to take away time from that, especially when my best friend worked in one of the clubs.

“There are other things you can teach me without touching.” I sat up to look at him. “You could teach me how to shoot.”

Henry finally put his phone down to look at me. His eyes were slightly widened in shock. “You want to learn how to use a gun?”

“Yes. I—.” I took a deep breath pushing down the memories of being trapped. Of feeling helpless. Or waiting for someone to save me. “Being with Maddox is a risk. I knew that when he made me his. I can’t stay in this house forever.”

Anxiety forced my heart to beat faster. It was trying to tell my body to run. To run far away from anything that would put me at risk. But I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t pull away from him again. Not when he was the only thing that made me feel alive. That made me want to live. I didn’t have a life to protect without him.

“You have Maddox.” He answered firmly. His lips were pressed into a hard line. He didn’t like the idea of teaching me to kill. Like Maddox, they wanted to shield me from the evils of this life, but that could never happen. “And when he’s not around, you have me. We’ll never let anything happen to you.”

I pierced him with a hard glare. I hated making him feel guilty for my kidnapping. I knew both of them already carried that weight, but if it got me what I wanted, I’d use the guilt. “You can’t promise that. It’s already happened once. Eventually, someone will try to hurt me again. I won’t put his life or yours at risk. I want to be able to defend myself.”

Henry’s hand rubbed the tip of his ear where a chunk was missing. Where the bullet he’d taken for me had done damage. It was an unconscious gesture. A visceral reminder of what was at stake.

He nodded solemnly. “Okay.”

* * *

Three hours later, my arms burned with the strain of holding them straight. With the heft of the weapon in my hands. I ignored the pain, turning to hit the next target. The sound of the plate shattering echoed through the trees.

Henry had taken me to a clearing in the woods near Maddox’s house. We thought it was best if the other guards didn’t know what I was doing. There was still a rat in the house; continuing to appear weak would only make them underestimate me.

I wanted it that way. If I was just Maddox’s whore I was safer. There was still a level of protection as someone he cared about. They might be able to kidnap me and distract him. Torture me. Rape me. But they would never kill me. Killing me would mean their deaths. He wasn’t a forgiving person. But If I became a threat in my own right, I was as good as dead.

Another plate shattered, glass glittering in the setting sun as it fell to the ground. The ringing in my ears had stopped after the first few shots, the sound of the gun becoming normal. He’d scolded me when I questioned why we didn’t have ear protection.

“When you’re killing for your life, are you going to stop and put on ear protection?” I shook my head. “Exactly. You need to get used to the sound, or you’ll flinch when you hear it.”

“Do I have to kill them?” My voice was almost lost in the woods as I whispered. “Can’t I just aim for their knees and run away.”

“Sure.” He gave me a condescending smile. “Then they can shoot you in the back while you try to escape.”

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