Page 14 of The Voices are Back

“Morrigan!”

And I had no choice but to stop and turn.

“Come here!” she called, acting all friendly.

I was convinced that it was because we were in public that she was being so welcoming—she was rarely ever welcoming, because she fed off my father’s vibes—otherwise she would’ve ignored me just like I’d ignored her.

Or tried to, anyway.

I waved, trying to get out of getting closer to her, and said, “I’m sorry, but I’m very late this morning. I need milk, and I need to get back.”

I needed a cart, which they were standing next to, but I’d rather break all of my fingers and arms, completely dislocating my shoulders, and wonder if I was going to make it to the checkout, than walk next to them to get a buggy.

I was able to grab three milks per hand—I needed eight really, but I could send Theresa out after I was opened—and walk back toward the front.

The first sign that something wasn’t going to end well for me was the little niggle that signaled an impending episode.

My heart started to race, my watch alerting me that it was damn close to red-line territory.

Then the sweat started to pop out over my brow.

If I could just check out and get to my car, get seated, I would be okay.

I’d done it plenty of times before.

I just needed to sit. Once I could sit, things would regulate.

But my life never went the way that I wanted it to.

Aodhan and my dad were crowding the checkout line—with absolutely no items to be seen in either one of their hands—and my stepmother was standing near the door, her eyes taking me in as I walked toward them.

I could feel my anxiety ratchet up ten degrees just looking at them.

I dropped my head and powered through the rest of the fifty-foot walk toward the checkout line, then cleared my throat at Aodhan when he didn’t move for me to place my items on the belt.

“’Scuse me,” I said quietly.

Aodhan jerked, moved toward the side, then cursed when he saw everything in my hands.

I shook my head and said, “Don’t worry about it. I got it. Just move. You take one and they’re all going to drop.”

Aodhan dropped his hands that were already reaching out to help, and I heaved my left arm up just to miss the checkout belt completely.

“Maybe if you worked out more, you could make it up onto the belt,” my father said.

I knew that to others, it would likely sound teasing.

But to me, I knew the real reason he said it.

He wanted me to work out. He wanted me to be involved in a gym, and be a normal human being.

The only problem was, I couldn’t.

I physically couldn’t go to the gym. Going to the gym caused me to throw my heart rate out of whack, and I couldn’t fucking do that and not pay the consequences.

Meaning, no gym. No running. No physical activity of any kind whatsoever, unless I wanted to pass out afterward.

Though, my father didn’t understand that.

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