Page 11 of Where You Should Be

I’m off Wednesday next week.

I closed my eyes as I sat on the toilet, dropping my face to my hands. My brother couldn’t even fully share his good news because of the funk I was in. I felt horrible about that. Pulling myself together, I left the bathroom to find him still standing there. “I’m so sorry for bringing you down. Congratulations on the baby and your pending nuptials. I’m so happy for you. Just like you said I deserve it, so do you.”

I hugged him tightly as I said, “I’m off Wednesday.”

“Tomorrow?”

“No. Next week.”

He kissed my head then brought his hands to my face. “We’re gonna get through this. Okay? You are never alone. I’m gonna always be here for you.”

I nodded then pulled away from him, making my way to the kitchen to see what Mama cooked. When I saw the bòy nan pwa on the stove, it produced a smile out of me. It was simply dumplings in a black bean sauce. I hadn’t had that in over a year. “Manman, mèsi.”

She chuckled and said, “You’re welcome. I made it just for you.”

I gave her a soft smile. She was trying to make me feel better. It wasn’t fair to her and Jericho to have to try to cheer me up when they had their own shit going on. I could hear Manman crying while she prayed early in the mornings. Her soul was tortured with all that happened. Jericho was a lot like her. They hid their pain to be strong for me. I couldn’t keep allowing that. Killing Jonas and Jules was harder on Jericho than he let on. I knew he had nightmares from time to time.

I grabbed a spoon and fixed Jericho a bowl first. When I took it to him, he smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Once I fixed Mama’s and took it to her, I fixed my own. We all sat at the table, and I took a deep breath, thanking God for helping me overcome my moment of weakness by providing strength through my family. It was then that I chose to stop being childish.

I set my spoon down and made the phone call. He answered immediately. “Hello?”

“Hey, Jungle.”

“C-Mar, damn, baby. I miss you. What’s up?”

Jericho smiled at me as he ate his food, and Manman rubbed my leg. “I miss you too. I’m sorry. I needed to take a step back and get myself together. Are you busy?”

“Naw. Just sitting here watching TV. What about you?”

“I just got off not long ago. Why don’t you come and try some bòy nan pwa. I think you may like it.”

“Say it again.”

I repeated myself, and he did his best to say it. I giggled at his country twang shining through the Haitian dialect. “Man, don’t be laughing at me. I tried.”

“Yeah. So you coming?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

I ended the call, and Jericho grabbed my hand. “You look happier already.”

“I need to accept that he will only be my friend. He’s a really good friend, and he’s been good to me and Mama. I can’t deny that. While I wish we could have more, I realized that I couldn’t lose him as a friend. My days have been a lot longer. Even though he thinks he’s a chick magnet, smooth operator like Paul Wall, he’s fun to be around.”

Jericho laughed. “What the hell you know about Paul Wall?”

“Jungle has introduced me to all the H-Tine kings,” I said while rolling my eyes. “Between DJ Screw, Fat Pat, Paul Wall, the Mo-City Don, Slim Thug, and UGK, I swear I haven’t listened to anyone else. Everybody he plays in his vehicle is from Houston. If he listens to anyone else, I’m thoroughly shocked.”

Jericho was cracking up at my attempt at a Houston accent. “That nigga love his city,” he said between his laughter.

“That’s for sure. When I asked if he could listen to anybody that wasn’t from Houston for a change, he said UGK and DJ DMD ain’t from Houston, but they claim them. They are from Port Arthur, wherever that is.”

“It’s close to Beaumont, about twenty to thirty minutes away.”

“Whatever. I just miss him. If I kiss his lips, I need you to be cool, Jericho.”

He took a deep breath as he slowly shook his head. “So that’s how y’all roll?”

“Every now and then, I get away with it. Depends on how sensitive he’s feeling that day.”

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