Page 8 of Dear Pink

“What you need is a woman to take your mind off the bony-assed, prissy bitch.” She stuffs her heels in the gym bag. “Have you seen yourself? You’re a fucking Italian Chris Hemsworth. I can get you a girl tonight.”

“I’m not ready to date,” I say, but my thoughts drift to the tiny woman in the elevator at Burton & Baker. My mind wanders to her often. In my dreams, I brush her long dark hair away from her face and uncover her eyes. Grey or light blue, maybe? And funny. I imagine white bears on horses with polo sticks in their hands every time I bike past a patch of green. I should have asked her name. No. What am I thinking? I made a fool of myself. Didn’t I say she was unattractive? God, I did, or she thought I did, which is worse. Yeah, I’m not ready to date.

“Who said anything about dating? I mean a good fu—”

The door chimes and Aunt Agnes walks in. “Glory, watch your language.”

“Sorry, Auntie, but Gabe needs to get back in the game.” Gloria swings her ass with extra gusto as she disappears around the corner.

I stifle a laugh at Aunt Agnes’s expression. “What’re you doing here?”

“Mrs. Chen called me. She said your sister arrived at work dressed as a hooker.”

“Geez, spies everywhere.”

“It’s unprofessional attire for a family business.” She bends to tickle Lolly’s ears. “Are you dating yet? Or should we hire a high-end call girl for you, dear?”

I choke. “Auntie?”

“What? I’m no prude. And a year without sex is terrible for your health. I saw Elise at Trader Joes the other day. She went a little overboard on the Botox. Her eyes didn’t blink when I stared her down in the check-out lane.”

“Maybe she thought it was the evil eye.”

“It was.” Aunt Agnes lifts the kitten and cuddles her. “Who’s this little one?”

“Gina named her Peaches.”

“Watch out. Soon you’ll have more pets living at the clinic than customers.”

“We should adopt a bird,” Gloria says, emerging from the back in rainbow scrubs and her hair styled in a modest ponytail.

“Bellissima. There’s your beautiful face. Thank God you washed it.”

Gloria sinks into the chair behind the counter and smiles. “Are you staying, Auntie?”

“No. I’m due at your mother’s.” Aunt Agnes hands her Peaches.

“Let me walk you to the door,” I say to avoid another conversation concerning my single status.

She links her arm in mine. “How long do you plan to sulk? It’s been forever since the breakup.”

“Is there a time limit on heartbreak?” But what do I know? Maybe they’re right. What if bachelor life is it for me? Lolly, Peaches, and me, alone forever.

“Irene, my neighbor, tells me her niece Valentina moved home to launch a law practice downtown. Exquisite girl”—she motions to her chest—“not shapeless like Elise. Always dieting, the ridiculous woman. Valentina eats three big meals a day.”

Not again. I’m surprised the family hasn’t created a dating profile for me on Match.com. Oh, damn, maybe they have.

“Don’t make your sour face. Give her a chance. You’d like her. She does pro bono work.”

“I’m sure she’s lovely, like the other nieces you’ve introduced me to this year, but she deserves a man who wants to date.”

“Stop it. You shouldn't be alone forever.”

“Tell Ma that I’ll be late for dinner.” I wave Auntie off and head inside.

“Who’s she setting you up with now?” Gloria says as I approach the counter.

“Valentina somebody. She has big breasts and does pro bono work.”

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