“I wanted it to be perfect.”
“It is. You are.” He reached for her.
She nudged up against him, both of them watching the ceiling a moment longer.
“Jasper.” She had to know.
“Yes?” He looked down on her with tenderness and cupped her cheek. “Oh. You’re nice and warm.”
“I love you,” she said, heart in her throat as she searched his eyes.
She saw the shift in his gaze to caution and it stole the floor right out from under her. She was falling into an abyss all by herself.
Oh, God.
“You don’t love me,” she realized in horror while old voices asked,Why would he?
“Vi. I care about you very much. You know that.” His hands firmed on her, as if he sensed her slipping away and was trying to hold on to her.
She pressed until he released her, all of her going hot and cold as her profound mistake crashed over her in churning waves.
“I’m doing it again,” she realized with horror. A terrible burn seared up from the pit of her belly into the back of her throat. “I’m getting caught up in creating the appearance of perfection, but that’s not what this is.”
“There is no such thing as perfection. You know that.” His tone hardened. “What we have is very, very good, though.”
“I thought we were falling in love, Jasper! I thought if I gave you time...” How long had she waited last time?Years. She felt so stupid.Again. “Canyou love me?Willyou?” Oh, she felt pathetic asking that, but she had to know. Had to.
“I can’t see into the future, Vi. What I can promise is to always be honest with you.”
She recoiled from that.
“But you haven’tbeenhonest. You’ve made me think...” Had he, though? Or was she the one who had interpreted every gesture as burgeoning love? She had seen what she wanted to see, mistaking kindness and decency for something more than that. That was how little she’d had of those things!
The stupid lights were making her sick, so she impatiently moved to the door.
“Vienna!” he shouted behind her.
She smacked the switches to put on the main lights, washing out the romantic sky with cold, clinical white.
For a moment they stared at each other across the sea of colorless crystal and faux snow and unlit candles.
Jasper’s jaw was clenched tight, his chest rising in agitated breaths. “You’re acting as if a couple of words would change what we have.”
“They do!” she cried. “I just said them and you didn’t. That changeseverything.”
“It does not,” he asserted firmly. “We’re still getting married, we’re still having a baby, we’re still building a life together.”
“On what?” She flung up helpless hands. “On me feelingagainlike I’m giving everything while my husband offers me nothing?”
“It’s hardly nothing, Vi,” he shot back darkly.
“Ofyourself. You are asking me to wake up every morning knowing I’m in love with you while you don’t love me. That’s even worse than neither of us feeling any love! I can’t do it. I won’t.”
What was she saying? She covered her mouth, already seeing the canceled wedding and another huge scandal.
She grasped onto the wall, so nauseated she was dizzy with it.
“Vienna,” he growled. “Don’t make threats you’re not prepared to back up.”