Page 12 of The Innovator

I couldn’t trust myself these days. I didn’t know what I wanted, which wasn’t like me either. Maybe that was it. Maybe I was a ball of pent-up emotion, repressed sexual energy, lack of sleep, exhaustion, anger, fear, and other feelings I was too tired to name.

I stared at my tented boxer and sighed.Get down.

Maybe my sexual energy had been repressed for too long. That would explain the sexual dream. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand—two in the morning.

The fuck?

A groan escaped me, not the kind that came from pleasure, but from the knowledge I’d be paying for this early wake-up later in the day.

I hadn’t slept well in months, and I had a board meeting tomorrow that demanded a clear head and my full attention. My employees walked on eggshells when I was in the office. I didn’t have the patience for their redundant questions—things they should already know. How long had they worked with me? How long had they been with the company?

Don’t ask me the same question twice.

I had a million things in my head, so I needed my team to understand me and take some of the burden off my plate. That was why I’d hired them.

People can’t read your mind.

I didn’t care.

Stop keeping things to yourself and lashing out when people have questions.

I hated this internal war inside me that resolved nothing.

Grunting, I got out of bed, walked into the kitchen, poured myself a glass of cold water, and gulped it down. The chill traveled down my throat and settled in my stomach, cooling me off.

I noticed dust on the kitchen counter, and annoyance pricked my skin. They missed a spot. Did I have to teach the cleaning crew how tocleantoo? Retrieving a wipe from the container, I swiped at the dust. There. Done.

Shaking off the sudden irritation, I slid onto the cushioned stool, twirling the empty glass in my hand. My mind wandered back to Natalie, and the annoyance subsided a bit. I wouldn’t have been at the commissioner’s office if I had let one of my team members manage the Three Point Park project. A year ago, I would have. But now, I didn’t trust them to do it right.

I had a fabulous and dependable team, but this project was too important to me to let someone else oversee it.

That’s not the main issue.

Fine. A part of me was hesitant about the project. There were parts of the project I was uncertain about. It was mostly a feeling that told me I was missing something. And because I hadn’t figured it out, I wanted to monitor it every step of the way, hoping the answer would come to me.

But now that Natalie was working with me, I wasn’t sure if thinking clearly could happen. Based on tonight’s wild dream, I was afraid I’d be spending my time imagining sex scenes with her instead of working.

She probably hated my guts. I’d decided to have her work with me on the spot, and emailed Robert about it after she had stormed away. I told him I wanted her to be my liaison and no one else. I preferred Natalie’s different perspective. Mostly, I was curious about what she was hiding.

A memory surfaced, and a laugh burst out of me, echoing through the quiet home. I couldn’t believe she told me to go to the corner as though it were my time-out spot. No woman had ever whipped out an angle comment at me like that. The other women I’d dated only asked if I could design a home for them.

Natalie was the distraction keeping my thoughts from terrifying things I didn’t want to face yet. Maybe that was why I didn’t mind sitting in my kitchen at two in the morning, thinking about how much I wanted the dream to be real.

What would she feel like under me, on top of me? My cock hardened again. I could still feel that sexy mouth of hers on me . . .

You need a woman to resolve your issue.

I got off the stool and placed the empty glass in the sink, thinking about how much my life had changed. Life could turn in an instant, changing everything. When my dad died, I lost parts of myself, but I remained strong for Mom and Audri. They’d suffered more. Derek had helped me cope, but his betrayal shattered my soul in unimaginable ways.

Not only did I not trust others, I lost trust in myself. What if I made the wrong decision and trusted someone who ended up hurting me again?

I was a fool for not seeing Derek for who he was. It seemed like everything that had happened between him and me was a lie. I felt used and stupid.

It was best to separate myself from others until I could figure things out. I stopped hosting parties at my home, declined invitations, and didn’t have any relationships. The solitude in my home was perfect for me to wallow in.

I stood in my kitchen, appreciating the darkness. Though dark, I felt like I could see more of myself now than before.

Too wired to fall back asleep, I went to work out so I could stop feeling sorry for myself and wishing Natalie’s naked body was still molded to mine. I flipped on the local news station with a replay of the evening news.

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