Page 77 of The Daredevil

He kissed my forehead. “Will you tell me what happened that day? I need to know what monster pushed my girlfriend to end her life.”

I inhaled a deep breath. “I suffered from an eating disorder, terrible body image, and other issues that emerged from trying to please everyone. I’d been participating in beauty pageants since I was six. That kind of spotlight put a lot of pressure on me. I didn’t enjoy it.”

“Do your parents know?”

“My dad passed away from a stroke when I was a baby. My mom never understood how I felt. She knew I had an eating disorder but didn’t know how bad it was. It made her happy to see me win, and I didn’t want to crush her dream. But that day, everything came crashing down on me all at once. I’d just won my last competition and dealt with mean girls who hated me for winning.”

Nerves continued to wreak havoc in my stomach. Even though that event had occurred a long time ago, my body still remembered it.

“The depression and the bulimia formed a monster that ripped me apart from the inside. I had no joy, and the pain was unbearable. That day, I wanted the pain to end.”

He listened intently without interruption. I told him about my eating disorder, how I’d eat more than necessary, then regurgitate in private. When I got older and received treatment, I stopped the vomiting and focused my attention on working out. One pound over my “standard” weight used to ruin my entire day.

As I shared my story with Royce, I could see how I’d come a long way.

“I continued my treatment with medication and therapy. My skewed body image improved, and the obsessive workouts decreased. By the time I was in college, my disorder was more of a mental thing. The therapy stopped working because I needed something different to tap into my psyche. The mind is a strange and scary place.”

“It is, but with the right weapon, you can take control of what belongs to you. Your mind is yours.” His eyes warmed with so much affection.

I couldn’t help but fall for him even more. This man had given me a second chance at life. What were the odds of me dating my savior after all these years?

That aspect made life more beautiful, and I’d hold on to that beauty for as long as I lived.

“How are you dealing with that ‘monster’ now?” he asked.

“It’s locked up in my closet.” I reached for my cell phone, turned it on, and showed him the reminder app. “I have reminders to help keep me on track. Like eating healthy, planning my workout days, and so on.”

Royce took my phone and glanced at it. “As long as it helps you, keep using it. You have a lot of apps.”

Since meeting him, I hadn’t needed the reminders as much.

Returning my phone, he looked at me with concern. “I don’t like knowing the monster is still there. The best way to heal is to flush it out of your closet. I can help you.” Lines creased on his forehead. “Iwantto help you. I didn’t save you back then to have you suffer now.”

“I’m not suffering now.”

“No, but as long as that ‘monster’ is still in your psyche, it could return. We need to rid you of it.”

I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my face. “You’re not responsible for my life, Royce.”

“As your boyfriend—as yoursavior—I have a responsibility to ensure you live a happy and healthy life. Monsters of any kind will stop that. Let me help you. Please.”

The seriousness on his face swelled my heart. No one had been that concerned about me. No one had wanted to know about my monster, much less slay it for me.

Tears welled up again. Why was I so sensitive today? For the first time in my life, someone understood me and didn’t make me feel like less of a person for having a disorder. Royce knew that although I claimed to have healed, I still needed work. A lingering symptom could always come back.

He was right because I sensed the monster’s claws every time anxiety hit me hard.

“Why do you care so much?” I croaked, the tears making a mess of my makeup.

He offered me another tissue. “Because you’re my girlfriend, and I want to be there for you.”

It was such a simple statement that rang with a truth people often overlooked. You’re supposed to care for one another when you are in a relationship. I had never felt that until now.

“Thank you.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I accept your help.”

He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. “Let’s order dinner and have it delivered. Then we can watch some TV if you’re up to it.”

“I need to finish a blog post and send it to Becca, then I’m all yours.”

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