Page 23 of The Daredevil

I pass out.

You see, I tried to end my life that day. Mom never knew. She thought I fell over, which I did, but I didn’t attempt to survive. I let the current take me.

When I woke in the hospital room, I lay in bed beside a young boy named Dylan, who had been in a car accident and lost his mom and dad. He was twelve years old and lost everything, but he still had the will to live. He wanted to become a doctor to save people. Everyone in those hospital rooms fought to live in one way or another. Each of them had monsters that wanted their surrender, but they kept on fighting.

From that day on, I vowed to live my life how I wanted and continued to fight my monster. I certainly had to try if a boy much younger than me could do it.

“Michelle? You still there?” My mom’s voice called me back to the moment.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“I think you should go to the banquet. We don’t have to stay long. It’ll show our appreciation.”

“Mom, I’m not going. If you haven’t heard me before, hear me now—I didn’t enjoy those pageants. In fact, I hated them.”

“Sweetie, you don’t mean that—”

“I do. I’m not attending any more banquets associated with them.”

Mom sighed. “There’s still time to change your mind. By the way, did you know Brittany has a kid now? That girl was truly something. Such a bully.”

“Well, if that’s the life she wants, it shouldn’t matter. We don’t live her life. Maybe she’s happy.”

“Are you okay, sweetheart? You don’t sound like yourself today.”

I pinched the space between my eyebrows, trying to release the throbbing tension. “I’m busy and tired. I need to get back to work, Mom.”

“Okay, I’ll let you go. I’ll call back another time. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The guilt gnawed at me as I stared at the phone. I loved my mom, but I was also angry at her for not understanding me. There were things I could say that would make her stop nagging me. But that would end our relationship. Was it worth it? She was the only family I had. She loved me in her way, and I was still trying to figure out how to resolve my issue with her.

Get that deep-dish pizza. It’ll make you feel good.

The monster was trying to control me again. It knew my favorite comfort food—my weakness.

“Leave me alone,” I seethed out loud.

I couldn’t concentrate on work anymore and got dressed for a good workout at the gym next door.

CHAPTERTEN

MICHELLE

The boutique gymwas exactly what I needed. It was a lot smaller than the one at home with only fifteen machines.

A girl with red hair at the reception desk beamed and checked me in. I grabbed the treadmill by the wall with a large TV screen. A blonde woman riding a bike on the other side of the room reminded me of Fiona.

Stop thinking about her.

I wasn’t trying to, but she seemed to invade my space. My protective armor had weakened after my breakup with Julian. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him or anyone. That sense of unworthiness poked holes into my confidence. Even the most confident and courageous person had moments of vulnerability, and I wasn’t invincible. Though that moment of self-pity was short-lived, the damage had been done, and I was trying my best to patch up those “holes.”

I promised myself I wouldn’t give into the monster like I had my first year of college. The stress of being away from home, my mom—all the things I was used to—and studying for my finals had heightened my anxiety. I’d binged on pizza then puked until the day I noticed a bald spot on my head. I’d been losing a lot of hair, and it freaked me out. So I starved myself, thinking that would starve the monster too. I had mistreated my body severely, which forced me to pass out and hit my head on a desk during class. I’d never forget the huge bruise on my face when I woke at the hospital. Luckily, I didn’t lose an eye or break an arm.

That incident was a turning point for me. I was pissed at the monster for embarrassing and almost killing me. That was when I shoved it into the closet and locked it up. I had Dylan to thank for reminding me of how precious life was and that my life had a purpose.

Dylan and I share the hospital room. I sit on the chair next to his bed. “How are you feeling?”

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