Page 54 of Made for Us

I sit down on the bed with my stomach aching. “If you want to cancel tonight and tell her another night…”

“No,” he says right away. “I’m pissed I haven’t seen you today, and it feels like I haven’t seen you in a week.” I can’t help the smile that comes over my face.

“It’s been a little more than twelve hours,” I remind him. “I’ll be ready in ten minutes.”

“See you then,” he says and hangs up. I shake my head, getting up and walking over to the closet to grab another dress. This one is a baby blue; it’s the only thing that is easy to wear these days. I slip on a pair of slides, walking downstairs at the same time I hear him pull up in the driveway. Grabbing my bag, I walk outside and see him getting out of his car when he sees me. “Hi,” he greets me, walking toward me, and for the first time, he hugs me when he sees me. I’m engulfed by his smell as my hands wrap around his waist.

“Hi.” I look up at him, and he bends his head to kiss my lips, another thing he’s never done, but I’m totally okay with.

He walks me to the car as my head screams that I want to kiss him again. He opens the door for me, and I get in. I watch him walk around the car, and I swear I think I swoon. He’s wearing stuff I’ve seen a thousand times before, but just looking at him, knowing he held my hand and kissed me, he just looks hotter. “Are we getting Penelope?” I ask when he starts driving.

“She has dance, so I have to pick her up at five,” he informs me. I look at the clock and see it’s just past three. “I figured we can go home and talk.”

I look out the window nervously as I think about what I’m going to say. I’ve practiced this speech in my head a million times, telling him I am in love with him. But I never thought I would say the actual words. When we pull up to his house, we both get out at the same time. His hand finds mine as we walk into the front door. I slip off my shoes and dump my bag before following him into the house. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Water would be good,” I answer, hoping it can help push down the flutters in my stomach. He hands me a water bottle and then grabs my hand, pulling me into the living room.

“Okay,” he says, sitting me down and then sitting down beside me. “I have to say something, and I want you to be completely honest with me.” All I can do is nod. “I woke up this morning,” he starts, and my hands hold the water bottle, not sure what the hell he’s going to say. “Scratch that.” He shakes his head. “I came home last night, and I was miserable.” I can’t say anything because my heart is lodged in my throat. Was he miserable because of me or my family? “Move in with me,” he urges, looking into my eyes, and I think the blood drains from my body.

“I want to see you every day and help you.” I swallow, wondering if he’s asking me to do this because of me or the baby, but not because he feels like I do. “I want to be there for you and the baby.”

I clear my throat. “You will always be there for the baby,” I say. “Even if I’m not living here, you can come over any time you want.”

“That’s not the same, and you know it.” His voice sounds like he’s pleading with me. “I want to get you pickles and ice cream in the middle of the night. If that is what you need.”

I put the bottle of water on the table in front of me. “I need to tell you something,” I finally cut him off. “Something you should know. Do you know why I didn’t tell you I was pregnant?” I hold my hands to stop them from shaking. “Because I was afraid you would tell me you didn’t want the baby.” I wipe away the tear as he tries to say something, but I stop him by holding up my hand, knowing I have to have this out there so he knows.

“I was afraid you would tell me to get rid of it, and I would end up hating you. That all this love I have for you would be tossed away in one moment, and I don’t think I could have handled that. That the baby I am carrying, who I love more than I love myself, would be pushed aside. That you would look at the one night we spent together, which was hands down the best night of my life, as a mistake.” I look down at my fingers. “And that would kill me because I’ve been in love with you since you walked into the hospital room to meet Penelope. Every single time I saw you, my love grew for you, watching you become the father you are. I fell in love with you because of the love you have for Penelope. I fell in love with you because there is no one else in this world I can see myself with besides you, and trust me, I’ve tried to change my mind,” I finally say.

I smile through the tears because sometimes it feels good to speak your truth, and this is my truth. “So to answer your question…” I stand, not sure what I’m going to do or where I will go after I say the next words. “I can’t move in with you because me moving in with you would mean a whole different thing than you want.” I can’t help but smile at him. “You want me here for the baby, and I get it. But I don’t think my heart could take living with you and not have hope.” I grab the bottle of water. “So, for that reason, I will not move in with you.” I swallow down the sob. “I have to use the restroom.” I turn and walk out of the room as fast as I can.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

TRISTAN

“I have to use the restroom,” she says before she turns and walks out of the room, leaving me with my heart so full it could burst out of my chest. My eyes stay right where I last saw her retreating back. I take a second before I turn my head around and sit down on the couch, the thumping of my heart settling down as I replay the words in my head over and over again. I’ve been in love with you since you walked into the hospital room to meet Penelope.

That day is etched in my mind forever. Walking in and seeing Penelope in Abigail’s arms is something I will remember until my last breath. My legs start to move up and down with nerves, replaying all her words. My head was spinning as she stood there with tears in her eyes, and all I wanted to do was kiss her and make sure she was okay.

My legs move before my head tells me to give her space, except I can’t not go to her. I walk to the bathroom, hearing the water running. My hand comes up to knock on the door instead of waiting for her. The water turns off. “Abigail.” I whisper her name softly, wanting nothing but to look at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she mumbles, but the door doesn’t open. “I’ll be right out.”

“Okay,” I say, walking back to the couch and waiting for her, thinking about what to say to her. Knowing this is the only chance I’m probably ever going to get.

I hear the bathroom door open and then look over at the hallway where I know she will walk out. She walks to me with her shoulders back and her head held high. Fuck, I keep saying she’s beautiful, but she’s so much more than that. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” she replies, avoiding looking at me as she comes in and sits next to me on the couch.

“Abigail…” I start saying her name, and she shakes her head.

“Please don’t,” she says softly.

“If not now, then when?” I ask, and she looks at me. “If I can’t tell you how I feel now, then when?” I smile at her and can’t help but hold up my hand to cup her cheek. “Before anything, I want you to know one thing.” I swallow, and so does she. “What I’m about to say has nothing to do with the fact that you are carrying our child.” My thumb rubs her cheek. “And everything to do with me and you. When I found out you were pregnant, I was crushed. Physically, emotionally, and mentally crushed. I had my chance with you. I had that one night with you, and I ruined it. I got up when I heard the guys talking about you and walked out of the room. I couldn’t stand it. It was as if someone reached inside me and yanked out a piece of my heart.”

She licks her lip as her blue eyes turn even more crystal, and I hope I can spend the rest of my life looking into them as more than just her baby daddy. “I fell in love with you two years after I met you,” I admit to her, and her mouth opens. “I can even pinpoint when it was. It was after a hockey game, and I came to find Penelope, and she was in your arms sleeping. You sat by yourself rocking my daughter in a corner, refusing to move when someone called you over.” She gasps. “I watched you from the door. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. You are even more so now.” I try to laugh at the correction. “I’ve been in love with you for years. Watching from afar.” I shake my head. “Trying not to be the creepy guy who is caught watching. I thought you were so far out of my league, and I came with baggage. I just couldn’t do it to you.”

“She isn’t baggage,” she quickly counters.

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