Page 37 of Made for Us

“I have to go drop off Penelope and see if I can get a sitter, and then I can come to you,” I tell her so she knows that we are definitely having this conversation.

“We really don’t have to do this today,” she says softly.

“It’s not up for debate,” I state. “I’m going to try to get a sitter, and then I’ll call you.”

“Okay,” she agrees right before she puts her head down and walks away from me, leaving me alone in the hallway.

I lean my head back and look up at the ceiling, the tears stinging my eyes. This isn’t happening to me again, is all I can think. The guilt inside me comes to the surface, and I can’t even catch it in time to push it away.

I live my life with the guilt I missed Penelope’s first everything. The guilt goes straight to my stomach as it starts to eat at it. I walk back into the yard and search for Penelope, finding her sitting in the grass, looking up at the sky, talking about the shape of the clouds. “Hey,” I interrupt, and she looks over. “Time to go.”

“Okay,” she says, getting up. “Can Parker sleep over next weekend?”

“I have to see the travel schedule,” I inform her because right now, I don’t even know what day it is. The only thing going through my mind is fifteen weeks.

“Okay,” Penelope chirps. She’s always been good at getting ready when I tell her it’s time. I often see kids ask their parents for five minutes more, but she’s never done it.

I don’t bother going back to the table because, for one, I don’t trust myself to not just ask her in front of everyone the question that has been eating at me since she told me she was fifteen weeks, since I counting the weeks on my phone calendar. I do stop and thank Matthew for inviting me and, of course, kiss Allison goodbye, even though Matthew always pushes me away from her.

I grab a pair of flip-flops out of the basket at the door because after Abigail threw up on my sneakers, I tossed them in the trash. We walk outside, and the only thing I can think of is calling Roxanne and asking her to come over.

When we make it home, Penelope walks up the stairs. “I’m going to go read,” she says. “Then after, do you want to watch a movie with me?”

“Yeah, I might have to go out for a bit later.”

“Can I come?” she asks, and I just shake my head.

“Not this time,” I say, and she turns and walks up the stairs. “Movie in twenty minutes?”

“Okay,” she says, rushing up the steps. I pull out my phone and call Roxanne, who answers after two rings.

“Hello,” she answers, and I can hear cars honking in the distance.

“Hey, Roxanne,” I greet, “it’s Tristan. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, but I was wondering if you were free?”

“I’m in New York,” she replies, and I close my eyes, remembering she went to visit her sister for the weekend and will be back on Tuesday.

“I’m so sorry,” I apologize, sitting on the couch. “I totally forgot.” I put my head back. “Have a great trip, and I’ll see you when you get back.”

I hang up the phone and close my eyes. Besides Roxanne, I don’t have another sitter, only because, if I’m not traveling, I’m home with her. I lost two years with her, so I promised her she would never be without me unless I was working. I think about maybe calling Xavier and Vivienne, but then I’d feel like a dick for lying to them.

I close my eyes when the pounding starts in my head as I pull up my calendar and start counting down again to make sure I didn’t fuck up, and each and every time, it lands on fifteen weeks.

Penelope comes back down and over to the couch, sitting with me. “Ready?” she asks as she grabs the remote and lies down on her side. “I love this movie.”

I take my phone and put it on my stomach, waiting for it to ring, knowing that if it doesn’t ring by the time Penelope goes to bed, I’ll be making my own call. It’s time for a one-on-one that has been a long time coming.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

ABIGAIL

I walk back to the table after leaving him in the hallway, the whole time expecting my legs to give out on me. I knew that the minute I said how far along I was, he would have questions. I just didn’t expect him to have questions at that moment. Arriving at the table, I sit down and grab the water bottle.

I listen to the chatter and wait for him to come back, but he doesn’t. “Okay,” Franny announces, getting up, “time to get going.”

Wilson follows her. “I’ll get the baby.” He turns to walk away and go to the little play area where the kids are.

“I guess I’ll go too,” Gabriella states, getting up. “I think I need a nap.”

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