Page 2 of A Realm of Fire and Ash

We'd had fun.

As a phoenix, fire and ash are a part of my existence, a constant reminder of my rebirth.

But today, it's the memory of Wilder's letters that weighs heavy on my mind, tugging at my heartstrings. The thought of him, of what we could have been, fills me with a sense of longing.

Noct follows me out, her excitement for our training now subdued by my somber mood. We make our way to the nearby clearing, where we can practice our shifting without causing any damage to the surrounding trees. I watch as she takes a swig from her flask, the contents sloshing around with her movements. She offers me some.

“Unless that’s absinthe, I don’t want it.” I shake my head. The memory of my first taste of the spiced liquor comes rushing back to me, the bitter sweetness of it filling my mouth. I had found a jug of it abandoned in the Wastelands when I’d been without water for days. It had been enough to help me get through a rough sandstorm that made the journey much longer than normal, and I’d been grateful for it.

I push the thought away and focus on Noct, who's staring at me curiously. 'What's up with you?' she asks.

“Nothing,” I mutter, but even as the word leaves my mouth, I wonder if there's more to it than that.

Absinthe always seems to find me just when I need it, and it’s about the only time I ever indulge. It’s rare, and no one seems to know who makes it.

“Might not kill you to live a little.” Noct grins.

I roll my eyes at her, even as a smile touches my cheeks. “That’s all we ever do.”

Live.

Releasing her wings, they glitter in the dim light of the underground ecosystem, her feathers catching what little illumination is provided by the glowing lichen that clings to the walls. Her wings are matte and ashy, as if she’d been rolling around in soot, but they still retain an otherworldly allure. Her feathers shimmer with a mix of dark blue and violet hues, and the tips of her wings are tinged with fiery orange.

Fae flies illuminate the path, and as we move towards the clearing, the distant sound of falling water grows louder, and the air is filled with the fresh scent of damp earth and mossy trees. The clearing is a small patch of soft grass surrounded by towering pines, willows, and glowbarks that reach up to the ceiling of the cavern. It's peaceful here, away from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, and I feel a sense of calm wash over me. Noct takes another swig from her flask, and I can hear the sloshing of the liquid inside as she moves.

I stretch my wings, feeling the power within me. Shifting from my fae form to my phoenix form takes focus and control, but I'm confident in my abilities. Noct and I stand facing each other, ready to begin. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and centering myself. When I open them, my phoenix form bursts forth, flames flickering at my feathers. I take flight, soaring above the trees, feeling the rush of air beneath my wings.

My wings are a glossy crimson, like a bloodstain on white cotton. There are tiny bumps in the colors, as if they're filled with a network of miniscule, iridescent scales. Up close, they're not scales at all, but downy feathers that seem to glow red, like embers caught by candlelight. Or firelight, as it were.

Noct follows suit, her two heads streaking through the air with a fierce determination.

We fly in tandem, weaving around each other in a graceful dance. I can feel the thrill of the moment, the exhilaration of being alive. For an instant, I forget about everything else. It's just me, Noct, and the rush of flight. But as we come in for a landing, the weight of my thoughts crashes back down on me. The same thought that always sends me hurtling down to the floor.

My mistake.

Noct notices the change in my mood and lands gracefully beside me, shifting into her fae form. "You want to talk about it?" She toes the rock near her, kicking it into the trees.

I appreciate her offer, but I shake my head. "Nah, I'll be alright."

"Maybe you just need a good lay. Isn't the old saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?" She plops onto the grass, digging into her bag and pulls out her phone. "I can text Ronin's friend, Quinn? He thinks you're hot, and I heard he's got a big di—"

"No," I interrupt, falling beside her to steal her phone. "Isn't he dating what's-her-face?"

"They broke up," Noct sing-songs, winking at me suggestively. "Trust me, he's available."

I roll my eyes, tossing her phone back to her, the thought of being with someone else only making me feel worse. "I appreciate the offer, but I don't think a random hookup is going to solve my problems. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’d eat him alive."

She's my closest friend in Castanea, the only one who knows the shit storm brewing inside me.

My parents are long dead, lost in the war with the werewolves. Their hearts were used to cure two werewolves of their affliction long before I ever met Wilder. The pain of losing them is easily one of the worst things I’ve ever gone through, and knowing the Tolden no longer need to live in fear of werewolves helped solidify why I’d ever agreed to form a squadron in the first place.

Yet, I can't muster the courage to confide in Noct my deepest, darkest secret. The insurmountable guilt of my recklessness weighs heavily on my conscience, knowing that it landed the one person I love more than anything else in this godsforsaken world in prison.

A life sentence.

It suffocates me like a noose around my neck, and I can't shake it off no matter how hard I try.

Before she can respond, the sound of laughter echoes through the woods, and we turn our attention towards the path at the far end.

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