Page 24 of Mace

“No,” she snapped. “Haven’t you heard that holding things in isn’t good for you?”

“I think that only applies to farts,” Dorothy advised. She moved her hands in front of her stomach. “You get all gassy in there, and then eventually, you’re just going to explode. I think it’s also bad to hold in your pee when you gotta go. That’s a whole other problem if you hold that in.”

“Dorothy,” I hissed.

Dorothy pasted a smile on her face and zipped her fingers over her lips. “See, I’m going to hold in my words now, and I won’t explode.”

Mitzy wagged her finger at Dorothy. “I like her. I think I’m going to stay here while you guys fix shit.”

“You’re not staying here,” the man grunted.

“Monk, why can’t I stay? It’s not like we have anyone trying to kill us anymore. Jinx blew up the last ones who tried. I am so safe here.” She waved her hand around. “It’s a funeral home, for god’s sake. What could happen here?”

Uh, wait. Did she just say they blew up the last people who tried to kill them? And why did they have people trying to kill them?

Dorothy raised her hand. “And if something does happen here, you’re right where you need to be when you die. Imogen and I will take great care of you.” Obviously, Dorothy was not concerned with anything Mitzy had said.

“You’d rather hang out at a funeral home than spend the day with me?” Monk asked.

“I always get to spend the day with you, and even my nights are with you even when I’m working. I think a little time apart will be good for us before the baby comes.” Mitzy rubbed her belly. “God knows when this little nugget comes into the world; I will not let you run off with the guys while I care for your children. Nugget can bake in my stomach while I hang out at the funeral home today while his daddy helps his friend.”

“You don’t even know her name,” Monk pointed out.

Dorothy raised her hand higher. “I’m Dorothy. I have worked at Brooks for the past ten years. I like long walks down the street to where I live in a duplex and spend my nights watching true crime shows. Imogen is pretty much my only friend, but I’m always looking for more friends who are cool with me being around dead people all of the time.”

“Did she just write a want ad looking for friends?” Monk laughed.

“She sure did,” Mitzy laughed, “and I’m answering it. Pick me up when you guys are done.” Mitzy pressed a kiss to Monk’s cheek. She stepped around Mace and hooked her arm through Dorothy’s. “I’m Mitzy, by the way.”

“Cool, cool. Let me show you around, and then we can hang out on Imogen’s deck upstairs.”

“Why is it Imogen’s deck?”

“Because she lives upstairs,” Dorothy explained.

“Shut up,” Mitzy gasped. “That is freaking cool.”

Not the normal reaction I got when people found out I lived above a funeral home. It was actually nice to hear someone be excited about it and not freaked out. “Uh, it’s pretty nice up there,” I replied lamely. “Can’t even tell you’re chilling above a funeral home.”Chilling? Oh my god. Could I be any lamer?

“You’re serious about staying here?” Monk asked. “We’re going to be gone all morning and most of the afternoon.”

I didn’t know how long this was going to take, but it would for sure be two hours since it took that long just to drive back and forth.

“I’m staying. I am going to have way more fun than you three will at the lawyer’s.” Mitzy pulled Dorothy to the front door. “Don’t rush,” she called.

“Lawyer?” Dorothy wondered.

“Mitzy,” Monk boomed.

She raised her hand over her head. “I know, I know. I like to talk, Monk, but I do know when to keep my mouth shut. I love you.”

We all watched as they marched into the funeral home, and the door shut behind them.

“I did not see that happening,” Mace muttered.

“I never see any of this shit coming, brother. It’s always something new and crazy when you’ve got an ol’ lady.” Monk reached his hand out to me, and I awkwardly shook it. “I’m Monk, by the way. Mitzy is my ol’ lady.”

“Uh, I’m Imogen. Though you probably already knew that.” I smiled sheepishly.

---