Page 119 of Love Thy Brother
“This.” Rubi raised his head and gestured between us. “Whatever it is.”
“Boo, we’ve been joined at the hip for a month and mooning over each other for a thousand years. If Cam gets pissy because I kissed you in thisun-sacred place, he can eat a bag of bad dicks.”
Rubi chuckled, but his humour was fleeting. “He’s going to ask me what we are. What it’s gonna look like for the club, wherever we’re headed.”
“And where’s that?”
Rubi heaved another loaded breath. “Wherever you want it to be.”
“Fuck that.” I kicked my boot into the chair, sending him rolling across the chapel. “Why isn’t it whereveryouwant it to be? Why do I matter more than you?”
Rubi mashed his lips together. Then tried again. “It’s not that. And I get that pushing you for an answer is unfair. That’s why I haven’t done it. I just—fuck.I can’t rewind, Riv. To where we were before. You there, me here. Separate lives. I can’t live like that anymore, and I don’t know what that fucking means to you, but to me... shit. It’s all I can think about.”
He was so much better at talking than I was. At thinking. Atlife, while I flailed around, praying he’d see the good in me without poking so hard that all the bad came out. “I—”
Rubi stood so fast he caught me off guard, crossing the room from where I’d booted his chair, and slamming his hand over my mouth, pushing the words back in. “Don’t. Not now. Not today.”
I squirmed until he let me go. “You don’t know what I was going to say.”
“I can guess.”
No, he couldn’t. It would never cross Rubi’s mind that I was going to tell him I loved him. That whatever happened in our fucked-up world, I always had, and that was never going to change. “You think it’s something bad because that’s all you ever get from me.”
Rubi shook his head. “I can handle the bad, cos I know you don’t mean it. It’s the good shit that scares me.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Sue me.” Rubi brought his hands to my face and levelled me with the kind of stare that made me weak at the knees. “But if I’m right and it’s the very best thing? Save it, Riv. Say those words to me when I need them the most.”
* * *
The quiet before a fight was an eerie fucking thing. The calm before the storm on goddamn steroids.
Saint and Nash left, taking the big Crow—stop calling him that—and a couple of fighting brothers with them. The other Crow stayed behind.
“Nomads,” Rubi explained. “Ranger’s leading them down to ride with Saint, so Folksie’s coming with us.”
“Ranger? Another fucking Crow?” I whistled. “My dad would turn in his grave.”
Rubi hummed a low laugh. “Mine too. But these are Rocco St John’s boys, and they’ve showed their balls already.”
He didn’t elaborate, but if that’s where he stood, it was enough for me. I went back to checking our bikes and examining the stack of weapons Mateo had left me to choose from. Pipes, bats, and knuckle dusters. None of them appealed. I went old school and chose a hammer, sliding it into the utility belt Rubi handed me.
I didn’t watch him choose a weapon. It had never been my thing, watching him fight. Maybe because I knew however good he was—and he was fucking good—he didn’t like it. It wasn’t him. Rubi loved far harder than his anger ever burned.
Because he’s better than you.
Word.
“Do you want to spar before we head out?”
I spun to face Cam. His gaze was dark, menacing, if you didn’t know him.Iknew him, though, and the concern lurking in his eyes riled me up. “It’s a bit late to be worried I can’t handle myself anymore.”
“Do I look fucking worried?” Cam jerked his head at the boxing ring across the yard, stained with blood and sweat, illuminated by sparkling fairy lights. “Get in there.”
All right then. I didn’t need a hammer to fight my brother. I ditched the belt and tugged my T-shirt over my head. Cold air hit me. It was a frosty winter’s night, but I knew I wouldn’t feel it for long. Cam was a legendary fighter. Undefeated in the bare-knuckle underground rings. He’d keep me spinning until I exploited the fact that he didn’t have the heart to truly deck me.
I ducked into the ring. Cam followed, lunging for me the second he came upright.
