Page 49 of Bad Mother

“Otis,” Sienna whispered, stopping at the riverbank and sinking down onto the white wooden bench situated there. “You found him.”

Gavin sat next to her, enjoying both her proximity and her awe. “He’s been close by all this time,” he said. Gavin knew he never would have come here without Sienna, though, even if he’d known the location. It would have felt... wrong, and it would have only caused him to suffer. Sitting together and watching the beautiful creatures, as they’dtalked about their plans and their dreams, had been special and peaceful and intimate. It was where he’d first kissed her. Where he’d gathered all his courage and turned his face to hers, moving slowly until their lips brushed and she smiled against his mouth. Sitting here like this, a swan gliding on the water in front of him, belonged to her and only her.

“Their cygnets lived here with Otis for a while,” he told her. “He was a good dad to them. And then, once they were old enough, they were moved to different locations. They’re all doing well.”

She smiled, tilting her head and watching Otis turn on the water and begin swimming in another direction. He was struck by how familiar this felt, how the look on her face was the same as it’d been then, how dreamy her eyes were. “I wonder if he’s lonely,” she said.

He watched Otis for a minute, too, before replying. “I read that they tried to introduce female swans to Otis, but he rejected them all. Apparently, he preferred to remain single.” He looked over at her. “I tend to think he just never got over Odette. No one ever measured up,” he finished quietly.

He watched her eyelashes flutter, and then she bit her lip, looking away, out to the distant shore, where palm trees stood unmoving in the still night air. “Whatever you’re doing, Gavin, stop it,” she said throatily.

But he couldn’t. Being there and watching the same swan they’d watched together in what felt like a different lifetime made longing rise up inside of him. Longing for what they’d been, what they’d had together. Once. They were different but the same, and he still felt that connection that he’d felt the moment he’d laid eyes on her the very first time. He’d been nothing more than a kid then, but he’d felt it, the same way he felt it still. It was thin and fragile now, a gossamer thread, but it wasthere, and he knew she felt it too.

He was being given a second chance, and he’d regret it forever if he didn’t take it.

“Sienna.”

She stilled, tensed, and he heard her breath catch. “Gavin—”

“When you mentioned that house earlier tonight. Do you know what flashed in my head? I pictured what it would have been like carrying you over the threshold. I wondered what your dress looked like.”

“Stop,” she said again, but it was breathy. Uncertain.

“No.”

She turned to him then, the look on her face so incredibly hurt, and though it stabbed at him, it gave him hope as well, just like her anger had, and for all the same reasons. “It still hurts you, too, Sienna. You’re still angry. And if you didn’t still care, you wouldn’t be able to muster those emotions,” he said, voicing his thoughts aloud. “We need to talk about it. It’s long overdue—”

“I was eighteen, Gavin,” she said, her voice rising. “Eighteen with no one in the world except you and Mirabelle and Argus. In one fell swoop you deprived me of all three people I considered my family! I had no one. Not one person in the world. And you didn’t even have the decency to tell me to my face. You left me there. Alone. I took the bus home in my wedding dress! You want to know what my wedding dress looked like after all was said and done? It was dirty and sweaty and smelled like diesel fuel, youfuckingasshole!”

Gavin winced. He’d wanted her anger, all of it, and he’d expected it to hurt, but not like this. The visionflattenedhim. He lowered his head and rubbed his forehead. “You had money. Why didn’t you take a cab?”

“I didn’t have money. I hadn’t brought anymoneywith me. Do you know how many places there are tostorethings in a wedding dress? I’d expected you to be there. I’d expected to go home in your truck.”

He rubbed at his head again. “I’m sorry about that. I wrestled with myself up until the very final moment. If I’d thought the specifics through—”

“You wonder why I’m still angry? It’s not because of the bus or the ruined dress. It’s because I can still feel that day. If I close my eyes, I can still feel it, I can stillsmellit, and God dammit, I don’t know how tomake it stop.” She stood and turned away from him, and he went after her, stopping her with a hand to her upper arm. She turned back, her expression shocked and defiant.

“I still feel it too,” he said. “I still feelyou. All these years. I haven’t gotten over you. You want to know why I never married? Because no one measured up. They couldn’t because they weren’tyou.”

She laughed, but it contained no humor. “What am I supposed to do with that? There’s too much water under the bridge. I’m with someone else.”

He tensed, not able to control the bolt of pure jealousy that speared through him. “Sienna, this Brandon Guthrie that you’re dating isn’t worthy of you.”

“You don’t know anything about Brandon.”

“I know plenty.”

She whipped her head toward him, her stare both incredulous and affronted. “Oh my God, you did a security check on him? This is outrageous!”

“Igoogledhim. And you should too.”

“I don’t need togooglehim. I know him!”

“Maybe not as well as you think you do. Look him up. See how loyal he is. See how closely your ideals align.”

She laughed, and there was a hysterical edge to the sound. “You’re one to talk about loyalty! Aboutideals?” She went to turn away again, but he put his fingers around her arm, and she stopped, turning back to him. He was encouraged by the fact that she hadn’t persisted in leaving but let him stop her with the barest touch. It made him hope she wanted to stay, whether she’d be willing to admit it or not. She wanted to see this through, whatever “this” might end up being.

It had been a long, long time coming.

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