Page 74 of Promise and Punishment

“It’s true, Gemma, had you not gone to FIT I bet you would’ve gotten a scholarship too. You saved me over three-hundred-thousand dollars in student debt, all because I could run.”

The stockpile of banana taffy was beginning to brim over the edge of the cup holder. Mila said nothing, fixated on my phone and the random playlist I had. Suddenly, only after the momentary pause of an Alton Ellis song, did the reminiscent sound of a creaky door and bubbling potions come on over the speakers. The unmistakable drum pattern of a 1960s pop song rolled along as Mila stuck her tongue out.

“Ewww,” she pretended to gag, motioning to switch the song.

“NO!” Gemma and I shouted, startling Mila enough to drop my phone. “It’s the ‘Monster Mash’.Don’tchange it.”

“This song is so weird though. It’s summer, not Halloween,” she shook her head.

“It’s our favorite song.” Gemma poked between the seats again, singing a part of the lyrics as I laughed.

“Gemma and I would listen to this every year before trick-or-treating. Still do.” I corrected, “Well, we don’t trick-or-treat, but you know what I mean. It’s the best.”

“Remember the year Mama Meg took us to the Hamptons for Halloween?” Gemma reached over to turn the music a little louder.

“The candy bars were way better out here than in Bushwick.”

“They were king-sized, but that wasn’t all we got. One of the neighbors even sent us home with an uncooked prime rib.”

“And a bottle of Cabernet Franc,” I added.

“We pretty much had a barbecue later that night.”

“I didn’t get any trading card gum though,” I joked. “Istillwant that golden Spider-Man.”

“What did you dress up as?” Mila interrupted, turning the music down to its original volume. I pretended to try and recall, cocking my head to the side. I didn’t really need to think of it, I knew the answer immediately, but didn’t want to appear too eager to admit it.

“Frankenstein,” I swallowed.

“Of course, you two and your monster movies.” Mila sighed. “And Gemma?” she asked, not really to Gemma but to me.

“The Bride of Frankenstein,” Gemma responded, caring very little about who Mila’s question was directed towards. “You should have seen my wig. It was about three-feet tall.”

Mila tossed another banana taffy into the cup holder. “Well, I still don’t like this song. It makes me feel like I’m in a black and white movie.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Gemma asked.

“Nothing. It’s just weird and creepy.”

“It’s not creepy. It’s fun. The song is literally about monsters who wake upjustto dance. It’s surprising.”

“What’s so surprising about it? The fact that two adults still listen to it?” Mila scoffed.

Gemma ignored her, “It’s surprising because the monsters are doing the one thing you’d never expect them to do. When you think of a monster, you’d naturally assume they’d be up to no good. But this isn’t the case. Instead of wreaking havoc, they do the opposite.They—just—dance.” Gemma enunciated each word passionately. “I love it. It reminds you not to judge a book by its cover.”

Once again, I looked in the rearview mirror, watching as Gemma leaned back into her seat, unbraiding and re-braiding the tip of her ponytail again. I couldn’t help but grin, my heart literally on the verge of beating out of my chest, divulging in a sudden fantasy of her and me.

This could be us, driving up to the Hamptons every year, living for the most mundane conversation, because even the mundane with her was thrilling. I wanted her; I wanted us; I wanted every fucking thing I could get, down to the nuisances and joys of children—ourchildren—ones we’d take to the Hamptons, ones that we’d sing the “Monster Mash” to and go trick-or-treating with. We could be a family, and I could grow old knowing that I married the woman I loved and lived the life I always wanted.

But what if that was all too late?

What if I had already ruined it and was none the wiser? I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, desperate to see her smile once more, to see her disguised pout be displaced with genuine joy.

“Well, I guess you’re just brave,” Mila exhaled, mildly annoyed. “I’m sure nothing scares you or creeps you out.”

“That’s not true,” Gemma shot back.

“Is that so?”

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