Page 54 of Promise and Punishment

And then I left…

Alejandro reached out his hand, taking mine into his as we walked to the end of the hall. “He seemed to be in better spirits,” he said, pressing the button to the elevator, allowing us inside. The doors closed, giving me a last glimpse of Parker’s door.

“He did,” I replied, unsure if that was true. He seemed to be at odds, both content and sad at the same time. I’d never seen him like that before, not with anyone, not even a lover. All of it left me with the most incredulous sense of awe.

I peeked down at my bag, unzipping just an inch to make sure that my belongings were actually inside, but then paused.

I nearly started to cry.

Sitting atop of my clothes, sheltered in the shallow glow of the elevator light was a familiar friend, a reminder of the man I loved since I was just a little girl.

Andy…

Chapter19

Gemma

Outside, the underbelly of an overcast night turned gold, shaping New York’s clouds into a reflection of everything that lay beneath it. I wanted to stare at it forever, challenging my belief that nothing could ever distract me from such a rare and spectacular penthouse view. But that wasn’t true, and maybe that’s why I felt so bothered. This joy, this expectation I set for myself to be excited, disappeared, because no window, from no height, could ever produce enough dopamine to fight the looping soundtrack of Parker’s interrupted words:You’re a woman, a beautiful one that doesn’t need my protection. I couldn’t see that before, but I do now, and that makes me feel safe, like I can finally say what I want to say…

“It’s been a long day for you,” Alejandro said, guiding me into the living room. I pulled on my bag, drawing closer to his body, feeling restless. “Just remember, everything here is for you, Gemma, and please know you’re welcome to anything you wish, my bed included.” His not-so-subtle invitation was purposely gentle. I tried to hide the exhaustion in my voice, my disappointing answer already written on my face.

“I think I’ll get ready in the spare room and call it a night,” I replied hesitantly.

He didn’t flinch as I watched his eyes, expecting some type of reaction, but instead received total acceptance.

“Then it’s yours,” he leaned down, kissing me softly, quietly letting me know that it would all be ok. “Goodnight, Gemma.”

I shot one last smile before turning away, departing to my own wing of the house, slowly but surely leaving Alejandro alone in the dark. When I entered my room, I pressed my back against the door, shutting it with a quick lock.

“Fuck,” I cursed, spitting a string of obscenities, physically gutted, frustrated. What the hell was I doing?“Just stop it, Gemma.”I coached myself, flipping the light switch on, hurling my bag onto the bed.

I hated how conflicted I was, like the universe was hellbent on questioning everything I did.Are you making the right choice,it asked. Don’t you want to know more about what Parker was going to say?He was about to tell me something, and I just walked away. Why did Ialwaysdo that, why did Ialwaysallow myself to get caught up in a moment?

To top it off, this wasn’t just about Parker anymore.

Two men cared for me, and I cared for them, but how would I ever begin to separate my feelings, or how would I know what’s right or fair? Wasfaireven the right word to use?

Fairas in being hopelessly in love with Parker with no resolve?

Fairas in sharing Alejandro with Hollywood: his parties, his lawsuits, the secret of Natalie Brower? They were two different worlds. But perhaps, as Ivanna suggested, I was two different women: the carefree, and enamored Gemma with Parker, and the raw, honest Gemma with Alejandro.

So,whowas I?

I removed my heels, rubbing my feet as my phone began to ring. Thinking it was Parker, I answered immediately.

“Hello?” I whispered, trying to hide my enthusiasm.

“Hey, babe!” Ivanna chimed through the other end, sounding almost surprised at the speed that I answered. “I was expecting to go voicemail.”

“Of course not.” I laughed. “Why would you think that?”

“Because that’s what happened with Alejandro just now. I’m trying to get ahold of him. Figured you’d bothdeclineyour calls. You know, being that it’sbedtime.” Her assumption that Alejandro and I were sleeping together made me twist the strap of my bag.

“Absolutely not! I’m… just settling in.”

“You sure? You sound out of breath,” she pestered.

“What can I say? The city views take my breath away.”

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