Page 66 of So Close

Cursing under your breath, you return and sit on the edge of the bed. Your face is austerely beautiful as you ask, “Why me?”

It’s a question I know is one of the most important, and it’s the first you’ve asked me. That you would even wonder why someone would see your potential and invest in your dreams breaks my heart. It also puts me in the terrible position of glorifying Lily.

“You’re a hard worker,” I begin. “You knew to live within your means. You weren’t sloppy with anything – how you lived, cared your body or handled the women you dated. You weren’t intimidated or diminished by successful men like Ryan Landon, his friends or me, for that matter. You always have good ideas. People seek and value your opinions. I could go on, but you get the idea.”

Your gaze has narrowed into a look of menacing calm. “You shouldn’t know anything about how I handled women I slept with because I never slept with anyone after I first laid eyes on you. I didn’t want anyone else.”

Pursing my lips, I gaze back at the ceiling. “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.” You lean over into my field of vision. “How long before I knew you existed did you decide you wanted me for yourself?”

I’m as still as you are, wary now. You’re too clever. You grasp a far-reaching but correct conclusion with a tiny slip on my part. Now you’re wearing the keen look of a sniper who’s locked in on his target. “Does it matter?” I answer cautiously. “That’s not the point.”

“Oh, lover,” you croon dangerously, “you couldn’t be more wrong about that. Every minute we could have been together matters. Those are all moments you owe me. That’s time you’ve stolen, and I’m keeping track of every second, so I get my due.”

I shift to pull the duvet over me, feeling too exposed. It’s much easier to hide wearing makeup and clothes. “I’m a boots-on-the-ground investor, so to speak. There’s only so much you can learn from reading. If I find someone interesting, I like to do a little in-person reconnoitering to see how they behave when they’re not trying to impress anyone.”

Your brows lift. “You stalked me?”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

You continue giving me that dubious look. “Well, come on then. Give me your preferred word for following me around on the sly.”

“Scouting.”

“Yeah … okay. Where did you scout me?”

“On shift at McSorley’s. At games. Stuff like that.”

“Stuff like that …” Your eyes are so dark as you examine me. “What did you see?”

“All your conquests and groupies.” I laugh when you wince. “Don’t you have to get to work?”

“How long did you follow me?”

“Not long. A few weeks before we met here at the party.” I sigh. “I knew I was in trouble the first time I saw you. You were flirting with a girl. You laughed at something she said, and you were just … wow. How you looked – relaxed, sexy, confident – knocked the wind out of me. I knew I wanted you to look at me that way, every day, for the rest of my life.”

Rolling away, I move to slide off the bed. You lunge for me, yanking me back under you.

The look on your face breaks my heart. “Setareh… What am I going to do with you?” You sigh heavily. “If you’d caught my attention, I’d’ve started looking at you like that right then and there.”

“I was afraid. You scared the shit out of me.” I brush a wave of your hair back from your forehead. “In a perfect world, I would’ve put myself in front of you and let Fate weave her magic. You wouldn’t have Baharan. We would’ve packed up and left the country. You would probably be a father now, all things considered. Maybe we’d live on the coast somewhere, and you’d work remotely since your sexual appetite doesn’t leave you room to do much else.”

I tease you to lighten the mood, and it appears effective.

Your features soften, and your eyes warm with tenderness. “What would you be doing?”

“Oh, you know, fending off your amorous advances because I’m busy chasing little replicas of you.”

You rest your forehead against mine. “You would go insane. Your ambitions are too powerful.”

“So are yours.”

“No. I’ve never wanted the world. I want answers, and I want you, that’s it. I’m a much simpler man than you give me credit for.”

I disagree with you, but don’t say so. You are the child of a narcissist, and that’s made you an overachiever. You will always strive to be successful and perfect, to earn the validation of a mother who can show pride one day and vitriolic disappointment the next. A complicated, unstable infatuation with a chimera has entangled you for years. Obsession, rooted in insecurity, has consumed you. But once our destiny is determined, you’ll seek other challenges. You’ll need them.

“I wish we’d had all that time together,” you murmur.

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