Page 33 of The Gargoyle's Captive

Even so, I can’t help being worried about her. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she ended up in the part of the castle that houses so many ghosts. Not literal ones, at least not that I’m aware of. But the history of my people and their sorrow is written in stone here. This place was only built because of the war. It never would’ve existed if not for the death and destruction that came to the keep. Gargoyles will not willingly be cut off from the sky unless there’s no other option.

“This location is kept in case of emergency. It’s large enough to house the full population of this castle at capacity, and then some. The river is the only weakness, but fresh water is worth the risk. If you move north from here, there’s a bridge that will take you across the river to the gardens. They’re tended at all times, even now. Most of our food in the castle comes from there because it’s important to keep them functioning, and wasting food is unacceptable. Anything extra goes to neighboring villages.” There’s plenty of extra these days. Feeding a handful of people in residence barely makes a dent in the garden’s bounty. “Deeper into the mountains, there are a number of local creatures who can be hunted to supplement stores and ensure no one goes without.”

Instead of looking horrified, Grace just appears thoughtful. “It’s honestly a brilliant bunker. How do you keep the garden growing so deep beneath the surface?”

“Magic. Certain stones can be spelled to mimic sunlight in every way.” I motion at the ceiling overhead hidden in shadow. “There are several veins of that same stone running through these mountains. Plenty enough to keep my people stocked for generation—longer if they’re careful.”

“You’ve gated the openings of the underground river?”

“Yes. It’s not a foolproof system. Should the kraken people want to gain entry, I’m sure they’d be able to, but we should hear them coming. Beyond that, there are guards posted to monitor the banks.” Or at least there normally were. I’ve lost them as well in the past few years.

Thane is a good leader to the kraken people, though. He doesn’t seek out confrontation if there is any other option available. More than that, I’ve managed to negotiate several lucrative trading deals with him that he is as invested in protecting as I am. There’s plenty of danger in this realm, and I’m not naive enough to believe that trade deals will prevent war, but if there’s immediate danger, I don’t believe it comes from the krakens.

Grace tucks her hair behind her ears and gives me a long look. “You’ve been following me.”

Shame heats my skin, and I’m grateful I don’t flush the way humans do when they’re embarrassed. “I don’t like how we left things, but I didn’t know how to approach you to fix them. I wasn’t sure you wanted to see me.”

“I didn’t at first.” She turns back toward the entrance and pauses until I realize she means for me to walk next to her. We tread in silence for several blocks. Finally, she says, “I would like to understand. We both have our secrets and plenty of trauma to go around, but if we continue like this, I don’t think we’ll last the year, let alone seven.”

Something like hope takes root in my chest. It’s such a foreign sensation that several beats go by before I understand what I’m feeling. “I thought you were bent on escape.”

“I was.” Sorrow colors her in pale blue. “You were right, even if you were cruel. Things back home haven’t been the same since the last of my family died. I don’t know if I believe in what we were doing anymore. I want to think I helped people. I’mcertainI helped people. But at what cost? When someone like me makes a mistake, people die. And they’re not always the ones who deserve it.”

I want nothing more than to take her in my arms. I’m not sure if she’ll accept it, though. I suppose the only way to find out is to ask. “Grace.” I wait for her to pause and turn to me. It takes more courage than I would’ve imagined to lift my arms in invitation.

She doesn’t hesitate. She steps into my embrace and allows me to wrap her up tightly. It’s the most natural thing in the world to enclose us in my wings. There, in the intimate darkness of my own making, I finally find the courage to tell her the truth. “The reason everyone in my territory believes I’m cursed is because I’m the only surviving member of the massacre that killed my entire family. And I’m only alive because I hid when they were attacked.”

Grace tenses. “I know I said I want to know, but if it’s going to hurt you, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I hurt all the time, Grace. What’s a little more if it helps fix things between us?” I run my hand down her back, allowing her presence to comfort me. “It was my father’s fault. He started spending time in the bargainer demon territory after the war, avoiding his duties as leader, and he got hooked on humans. I think Azazel was looking for any leverage he could find to ensure the peace talks succeeded. So he made a bargain with my father, very similar to the one I made.” Almost identical, in fact. Not that it matters now. I take a slow breath, inhaling Grace’s scent. “Less than a year in, she killed everyone. Even my siblings, who had barely entered adulthood.”

“Bram,” Grace breathes. “Saying I’m sorry is useless, but I truly am sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to have violence touch your family and leave a ragged hole of nothingness behind. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, let alone someone I care about.”

Someone she cares about.

I know better than to take her word at anything other than face value. I knew before that she didn’t hate me, or she would have escaped properly by now. But not hating is a long way from caring... or even love. Not that I expect love from Grace. I sure as fuck don’t deserve it.

“He let his desire for humans override his responsibilities, and when that wasn’t enough, he brought pain and death into our family because he wanted a human of his very own to possess.” I drag in a breath. “His selfishness paved the way for our destruction. If this happened in any other territory, it would’ve been a tragedy beyond measure. Because it happened here, where my people like to attach deeper meaning to every action and word, they almost unilaterally decided that his actions and poor judgment brought a curse onto our family line. Some days, I even think it’s the truth.”

Grace hugs me tighter. “You’re not cursed. You’ve just gone through something horrific. I know you won’t believe me when I say this, but the fact that you lived doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you a survivor. There’s a whole lot of baggage and guilt that goes along with that, but the alternative is you being dead. I’ll never saythatis the preferable outcome.”

Once again, shame coats me, so strong that I can barely breathe past it. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I wasn’t supposed to take this position of rulership for years and years. I don’t even want it anymore. But there’s no other option. If I step down, it will hurt my people.”

She strokes her hands in a soothing movement along my sides. “You don’t need to have all the answers right now. I don’t think anyone expects that. You just have to take it one day at a time.”

I don’t ask her if she understands the gravity of what she is telling me to do. She does. Out of anyone, Grace understands taking it one day at a time means moving into the future instead of dwelling on the past. Which makes what I’ve done to her all the worse. “I shouldn’t have pushed you the other night. I sure as fuck shouldn’t have thrown your mother’s death in your face. I’m sorry.”

She gives a choked laugh. “It seems like we’re always going to be apologizing to each other. You were right; in a way, we are reflections of each other. Which can be a great comfort, but it also means we know exactly what to say or do to hurt the other. Something to keep in mind for the future.” She gives me one last squeeze. “My entire family is dead, too. They didn’t go out together, and not every one of the deaths was violent, but they’re gone all the same. I don’t have a kingdom to rule, but my family has something of a legacy that I’m supposed to fulfill. That my... children... are supposed to continue to fulfill. Maybe that should give me purpose, but the only thing I feel is exhaustion. I’m so damned tired of fighting.”

“What if...” I speak slowly, feeling my way. “What if instead of fighting, we started to build something?” She tenses slightly, and I realize I’m not communicating properly. “I don’t mean a family. I won’t pretend that I don’t want that, just like I won’t pretend that the idea of starting one withyouisn’t attractive in a way I was never prepared to experience. But it’s been a couple of weeks. It’s too soon to make that jump.”

“A week and a half ago, you were raring and ready to put a baby in my belly.”

As much as I want to keep holding her, I think it’s best we’re able to see each other properly for this conversation. I slowly take a step back. Grace’s eyes shine in the shadows of the cave, and her energy is a thick gray of worry, but otherwise she looks okay.

“Ultimately, I don’t think a child will fix my current problems.” It’s such a relief to say that out loud, I let loose a breathless laugh. “A child won’t fix my problems.”

She’s staring at me strangely. “You made a demon deal for the possibility of a child, and you were so desperate for it that you were willing to gamble your kingdom.”

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