Page 59 of And Then There's You

I reach over and check my phone, the red bar on top letting me know the battery is almost dead. There are 4 missed calls and the same number of texts. I click on Mack’s name to open our text thread.

Mack (11:47 p.m.):Please pick up, Mace. I need to know you’re okay. Please can we talk about this?

Mack (11:52 p.m.):I love you so much. That has to count for something.

Mack (12:06 a.m.):I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry. Please call me back, and tell me how I can fix this.

Mack (12:59 a.m.):Baby, I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.

I press play on the first voicemail, but as soon as I hear the break in Mack’s voice, my phone falls out of my hand as my eyes fill with tears. Hearing his confidence slip is unlike him, and it almost breaks my heart the most.

I don’t hear Lexy coming up behind me until she sits next to me. Wrapping her arm around my shoulder, she pulls me to her.

After a moment, she pulls back enough to look at me when she asks, “What happened, Maci? Is it about the girl who kissed him? I served her last night, but I’ve never seen her there before. She’s just some drunk, random girl.”

“It’s not that.” I let out a small laugh flashing back to how crazy she seemed. I voice my thought aloud, “I saw the whole thing and could tell that girl was nuts. I don’t think Mack would have had time to react to that. It was something else. I’m not ready to talk about it, but he broke my trust. How can I forgive him for purposely doing something he knew would hurt me?”

She doesn’t push me on what happened. “Do you think he’s really sorry?” she asks as she glances at the text thread I’ve opened again.

“I mean, yeah, but–”

She cuts me off. “Maci, Mack is a good guy. He helps me out at the end of the night, he’s patient with any problems that arise at the club. Not to mention, you know how picky I am with who I let in, andheis my best friend, outside of you of course. And the guy is obsessed with you. In the two years I’ve known him, he’s never brought anyone else around. I’ve never seen him look at anyone else the way he looks at you. Hell, I rarely see anyone look at someone else the way he looks at you. Is this truly something so bad he doesn’t deserve a second chance?”

I contemplate her words for a moment. Am I being dramatic and overreacting? When she lays out the kind of guy Mack is, it feels like I am. But I recall the night Mack first said he loved me, and how he promised he wouldn’t do something like this to jeopardize our relationship. Anger flows through my body as I recall the memory. I maybe could have let it slide if he was an ignorant guy or if I didn’t know he used to have a problem with drugs in the past. But we had an actual conversation about how important this was to me. This is on top of him getting upset about my loneliness instead of comforting me. We are supposed to be in this together, and it doesn’t feel like we are. I can’t accept that.

“I think it is, Lex.” I look at her, tears threatening to fall.

She sighs and pulls me into an actual hug, “I’m so sorry. You know you can stay here as long as you need.”

When she stands to walk away, I look back down at my phone and type my reply, having made my mind up about this.I’m sorry, Mack, but there isn’t anything that can fix this right now. You broke my trust, and I don’t know what to do about that but take time to figure out what I want. I love you, but I don’t think that’s enough.

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR

Macklastsfourdaysafter our breakup before he texts me.

Mack (September 26th, 8:45 p.m.):Hey…I know you want your space, but I just want you to know I’m thinking about you.

Mack (September 28, 7:26 a.m.):If there’s anything I can do to help our relationship, let me know.

Mack (September 29, 9:50 p.m.):Sleep well. xo

Mack (September 30, 3:15 p.m.):Just letting you know we are filling in for someone at the bar tonight, in case you were planning on going to see Lexy. Didn’t want you to be caught off guard.

Mack (October 1, 11:37 a.m.):Accidentally picked up my buddy’s drink thinking it was my tea. Spit that coffee right out. Made me think of you :)

Mack (7:13 p.m.):I love you.

Mack (October 3, 10:19 a.m.):I came across some things you forgot. I’ll bring them to Lexy’s while you’re at work.

When I got home from the café, a pair of my leggings, my school hoodie and a few pairs of my underwear are folded neatly on one of the couch cushions. I go to move them into the closet but feel something hard between them. I pull out a CD. Wow, I haven’t seen one of these in forever. Even though my car is old enough to have a CD player, Mack hooked up an auxiliary cord so I could just play Spotify. I wouldn’t even know how to burn a mix anymore. I laugh, thinking about the time Avery and I genuinely thought we were going to get arrested when my dad caught us downloading music with Limewire when we were 13. Mack is a professional musician though, so if anyone could still make one, it would be him.

I pull the silver disc out of its clear case. “Maybe Someday” is written in his handwriting in black sharpie across the top, a small heart next to the “y.” Lexy is still at work, so I walk out the door, back to my car. Almost an hour later, I’m still outside, silent tears running down my face. I know every song on here was carefully chosen. There aren’t any sad songs, rather only ones full of love and hope and about everything working out in the end. There’s also a song the cover band was playing when we went to the Saturday Market together and a song fromPitch Perfect–the Anna Kendrick version of “Cups.” It doesn’t slip by me he put the live version of each song on the CD, knowing I prefer them. The very last song is his, the one he wrote for me. As far as I knew, it hadn’t been recorded in the studio.

My heart is divided in two, half of it begging me to let it love Mack because he’s still here trying, and the other half reminding me it’s time to focus on loving myself. I leave the CD in my car’s player and head back inside.

Mack (October 5, 8:06 a.m.):I’m not giving up on us. I’m willing to do whatever it takes, Maci.

Mack:I can fix this.

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