Page 2 of And Then There's You

“Done. What else?”

“Hmm.” I rack my brain. “I think I want to do something that gets me out of the apartment every week, for something besides school or work.”

“Like a club? Why don’t you join the running club? I always see them around campus. Pretty sure they meet for pizza at Track Town a lot too. You love running and you love pizza. It’s perfect for you.” She laughs.

I blink, surprised by how much I like her suggestion. “That’s actually a really good idea. Okay, I’ll look into that when we get back.” Shifting in my seat, I debate saying what’s been on my mind for a while now. “Also…”

“Out with it, Maci,” Avery jokes when I hesitate for too long.

“I want a boyfriend.”

Excitement is evident in her eyes and voice. “Why do you sound nervous about that? You could easily find a guy to date. You’re a catch, Mace.” My best friend is always so good for my confidence.

“It’s just been a while, you know?” I shrug. “I haven’t been on a real date since high school. Did that even count?”

She relaxes into her seat, not concerned by my worry. “Try not to overthink it. Most people just want to get a feel for each other first too. It doesn’t have to be anything serious. Taylor, Alexis and Kylie are always inviting us out, and I bet they could create so many opportunities for you to meet someone.”

“Yeah, you’re right. This doesn’t really solve my real problem though.”

“Which is…”

“It feels like these are all just pieces to a puzzle, but I don’t even know what the puzzle looks like. I still haven’t figured out what I want to do with my life once this school year is over.”

“I think all of this will help. An idea isn’t magically going to come to you while you’re sitting at home. Maybe being around new people and having different experiences will spark an idea.”

“Okay. Yes. You’re right. I feel good about this plan.” I sit up straighter, slapping my hands on the table with enthusiasm.

With a laugh, she stands. “Good, now that that’s settled, let’s go find your parents and go to the beach!”

CHAPTER TWO

Thetunneloftreesthat leads straight to the math building will likely make the walk to this particular class my favorite. The branches from either side intertwine where they meet over the only driveable road that runs through campus, with both a biking and walking lane built into it. Even though it’s officially fall as of a week ago, the leaves are still green. It’s beautiful, calming and one of my favorite parts of living in Oregon.

Holy shit, what is that smell? I spot a food truck set up toward the end of the row. This walk just got better. Why is there a mini street fair on campus? I have no idea, but I haven’t had a funnel cake since I was probably 13, and I’m so here for it. Something tells me it’ll bring me the comfort I’m looking for, and I have to have one.

There’s nothing specifically stressing me out right now. It helps Avery and I came up with a game plan to make sure I make the most of my last year of college. Overall, I’ve just been consumed by anxiety because it’s easier said than done. I know I’m in control, but as much as I love making plans and knowing what’s happening, the follow through doesn’t always happen.

When I was younger, I had this plan to accomplish so much that would have put me ahead. Now, here I am, six weeks from my 21st birthday, and I don’t even know how I’m celebrating that pivotal milestone. There’s a lot I enjoy enough, but most days it seems like I’m just going through the motions. It kind of feels as if I’m checking items off a list to get me to this destination of graduating college and starting my life, but the truth is, I have no idea what I will do once that happens.

Why isn’t it as easy as I thought it would be back in high school? Avery and I planned to travel the world together, and I hoped it would all just come together. How naive of me. I don’t have a job I love, I have never had a boy to love, and at this point it doesn’t feel like I have prospects for either. I’m not sure that second point would seem so important if I hadn’t spent five years watching my best friend be madly in love with her boyfriend, but it definitely feels like I’m running out of time. I’m trying to remind myself everything will be more likely to fall into place if I just stick to the plan. It’s just overwhelming. And part of me holds onto hope I’ll find a way to travel the world, fall in love with one of the cities I explore, maybe meet someone and then never leave. That would solve everything.

“Ummm, hello?” The irritated voice comes from a redheaded girl glaring at me from behind the funnel cake stand. My day dreaming has been getting out of hand. I order a funnel cake without any toppings besides powdered sugar, so I can eat it like a soft pretzel on my walk into class. After swiping my card in her machine, I take the flimsy paper plate from her. She’s already yelling at the person behind me as I head off to statistics. I guess if anything can distract me from my life not making sense, it’s something else that makes no sense.

This powdered sugar is so sticky. Why did I think I’d be able to get it off easily? There’s no time to find a bathroom if I want a good seat. Tossing my plate in the trash, I try to brush the powder off my hands as I head up the stairs and open the heavy, green door that leads into the math building. As much as I love the walk to get here, statistics is the only class I’m not looking forward to this quarter. I tried to leave all my easy and fun classes for senior year but kept putting this one off because I’m worried about it being confusing. Math is one of those subjects I have to pay attention to without distractions or I won’t understand it. I’m sure it will be much easier than I’ve made it out to be in my head. I tend to work myself up over nothing, more often than not.

Plus, Avery saved all her notes from last year for me. I need to remind her to get them next time she’s home. The first two years after Miller transferred here from Oregon State, she was still around a lot. This past year, since Miller graduated, it hardly feels like I have a roommate anymore. After being apart for the year he was in college before us, he realized he couldn’t stay away from her. The longer they are together, the more he seems to need her around. I don’t blame him. She’s been my best friend since I was 12 for a reason.

On the other hand, I can only imagine what it’s like to want to be around someone all the time. In high school I had a boyfriend. We did the whole “I love you” thing, but that hardly counts when you’re 16, kissing someone for the first time and having no other experiences or people to compare them to.

I’ve been on a few dates–if you could call them that–since I’ve been in college. There was the guy I accidentally walked into at the gym when I wasn’t looking where I was going. We kept walking around campus until we came across the school’s lake and sat on the stone steps of the nearest building, talking until I left to catch dinner in the cafeteria before it closed. Very few things are worth my time more than food.

Another time, I met with this guy from my philosophy class freshman year. We went to his friend’s apartment for a party. I still remember the buzz I felt from the Mike’s Hard Lemonade I drank. It was the first full drink I’d ever had. The only other time I had any alcohol was the night in high school when Avery and I took one sip of everything in her dad’s liquor cabinet to see what it tasted like.

Apparently, dating is more like hanging out when you’re in college. I didn’t kiss either of them, and I never saw them again. We didn’t have that “spark.” Does it even exist? I’m not convinced, but I’m choosing to hold out hope for it either way.

I walk down the hall, looking for the number 104, which I find outside the second door on the left. I pass through the propped open metal doors and bounce down the carpeted steps–it reminds me of airport carpeting–two at a time. Making my way to the second row from the front, I choose a seat barely off to the right. This is the plan I go with in every class, hoping I won’t ever be called on, but I’ll still be able to focus. It usually works.

The classroom is only a quarter full. I like getting there early on day one so I don’t have to choose who I sit next to, especially since even after three years here, I don’t have that many friends.

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