Page 34 of With You Forever

She stares at Sal, weighing whether to say it, and then she lets it out in one long breath of a ramble. “Sometimes I feel like if I let my guard down and believe everything will be okay, it won’t be. And I’m terrified of that, Sal. I want to be positive for Seth, for myself, but ... what if it’s not?”

Her words make Sal pause for a moment. “You’re right,” her sister says finally. “I get it, Lacey. I do.”

“What would Mom say?”

Sal chuckles. “You’re asking me?”

“I am.” She needs words from her mother, even if they’re not directly from her.

Sal thinks on it. “She’d say ... if you fall off the board, you get back on, and then you paddle your ass back into that ocean and try again.” With a laugh, Sal buries her face in her hand, peeks out at Lacey through her fingers with an almost embarrassed smile. “I don’t know. Does that sound right?”

“Yeah,” Lacey breathes. Heat builds behind her eyes. “That sounds perfect.”

Dropping her hand, Sal clears her throat, the sheen of tears in her eyes fading. “How are you and Seth doing?”

“We’re okay. Working a lot.” Lacey smiles, but it feels tight on her face. “He’s interviewing a few architects,” she says, gesturing at the business cards Seth’s collected.

Where happiness should be, there’s only guilt. Seth’s done nothing but reassure her. Nothing but work his ass off and miss practice and put her first.

“And the wedding?”

Lacey’s smile falters. Another topic she’d like to change. “It’s ... going.”

“I haven’t gotten an invitation.”

“I haven’t mailed them.”

Sal stares at her. “According to the schedule you handed out at your engagement party, they were due last week.”

Lacey shifts in her seat, a warmth spreading up her neck. Warmth behind her eyes. “So they’re late.”

“You’re never late. At least not with a party.” Sal shakes her head. “What about the shower? I thought we could—”

“I don’t want a shower, Sal.” She says it too fast, too sharp.

Sal sits frozen. Wide-eyed. Stunned. “You don’t want to marry Seth?” Her voice is cloudy like she might start crying then and there.

“I do.” Lacey glances down at her now-cold tea. Whispers, “I just, I don’t think I should. I think we should postpone the wedding.”

A thought that’s been rattling around in her brain more often than she wants to admit.

She’s unsure. Never about Seth, but about whathe’sgetting into. What kind of life is Seth in for? Sure, her diagnosis isn’t doomed, but what if the cancer comes back? What if there’s no hope next time? What if he turns into her father?

What if he leaves her?

Everything in her life feels push-pull.

She wants the surgery, but she’s so afraid of what they’ll find.

She wants to marry Seth, but planning the wedding feels fruitless. Exhausting.

She wants to have hope, but she’s so damn scared to believe in the future.

“Does he know this?” Sal asks.

She swallows. “No.”

Her sister blows out a sharp breath. “Lacey. Talk to me.”

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