Page 41 of Was I Ever Real

I let her go.

But not before getting the last word in.

I scoff, making her glance over her shoulder. I lazily trail my eyes up her long legs and say, “My cum is still dripping down your thighs, darling.”

Chapter 26

“Shit,shit,shit,shit,shit, shit!” I hiss out, slamming the wheel with every expletive out of my mouth. I’m still parked outside Connor’s house, cursing to the high heavens and it’s taking everything in me not to slam the horn and scream.

Hands shaking, I jerk my keys into the ignition and start the car. I turn down the driveway and head for the yawning gates. In between leaving Connor’s study and running out of the house, I made sure to wash away the evidence—not my proudest moment.

Thank God I have an IUD—still, how could I have been so reckless? Shame, guilt, and mortification trickles down my spine, threatening to overthrow every other emotion existing in my body and take root forever.

What thefuckwas that?

Clearly, I’m suffering a momentary lapse in sanity. I went in to get Connor to sign some paperwork and ended up fucking him.

I lean over and turn the radio on, leaving it on a random station that I don’t even like, too busy hating myself to notice. My shoulders are up to my ears while I drive through Garden Heights.

I can feel the fracture taking form inside of me. It leads into an alternate reality that I no longer recognize. One where I am controlled and seen as nothing but a possession. Too similar to the one I escaped from when I was sixteen. And somehow, what just happened between Connor and I in his office is threatening to pierce the veil and tear a hole intothisreality. The one I’ve diligently, if not somewhat fearfully, constructed for the past thirteen years. It threatens to let in memories; of gendered roles, expected behaviors and a docile temperament that I’ve run away from ever since.

But why?

Why did fucking Connor feel so similar?

It definitely didn’t at the time. Or maybe it did—the shame of it all burning me up and curling low in my stomach instead of lust. It was shame that made me come so hard, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again.

Every single touch felt wrong and I’ve never been so turned on in my life.

Somehow, it was simpler to rationalize what happened near the pool. Nefarious actions done under dark skies. It was easier to pretend, it never happened. That it was all one bizarre dream and forget about it by morning.

It doesn’t explain me sauntering into his office, ready to bait himsansunderwear.

I made that choice.

Yep—I’m definitely losing it. There’s no other plausible explanation, other than temporary possession. I refuse to own up to anything out loud. Let’s call it a healthy, and well-rounded behavior. I groan out loud trying to forget, but end uprememberinghow he guessed my basest urge and called me his wife. What the hell is wrong with me?

And why was is it sofuckinghot?

I’ve always been physically attracted to him, that’s not new. But God… it’s never been like this. Never this intense. The way he looked at me, in all his fucked up glory from over the desk, his black hair falling into his eyes, a ruthless glint to his blacked out pupils. Connor disheveled is a masterpiece, a perfect rendition of what it means to sell my soul to the devil. I’m drinking at the well of depravity, and it only leaves me wanting more.

Absolutelynot.

This can never happen again.

I nearly die on the spot recalling the look Byzantine gave us before he left the study. It was obvious he knew exactly what was going on. To have him anywhere near while Connor’s dick was inside of me is enough to make me keel over and never wake up.

“Good fucking job, Lenix. You really did it this time,” I grumble out loud, now driving downtown, the same radio station droning on about the Noxport traffic. I can barely see in front of me. I’m on auto-pilot, going through the motions in a goddamn trance.

Every single thought swirling inside my head is heightened by the fact that I’m heading to the office about to tell Sunny everything.

Everythingbeing the cover story to which is just another of my many lies.

And unsurprisingly, that very thought spirals me deeper into the pit of misery I’m drowning in. The guilt blooming behind my ribs at the thought of lying to Sunny—yet again—is competing with everything else currently exploding in my mind. My insides are a battlefield and the war has only just begun.

“Hiya, babes!” I internally cringe at the tone of my voice but power through it. Sunny’s expression turns bright, her eyes snapping up from the computer screen she was squinting at.

“There you are,” she says with a smile and I immediately hate myself even more but somehow keep it together. I head over to her desk and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in ages,” she adds before I turn towards my desk and sit down.

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