Page 25 of Made For You

“Deal.” I hold out my hand, waiting for him to shake it. He takes five steps and puts his hand in mine.

“Deal.” Our hands move up and down. “Scout’s honor and all that jazz.” He laughs at me, and again, I’m hit with a visual of him pulling me toward him. Taking his other hand and hugging me around my neck and then kissing my lips.

I let go of his hand as if you just poured ice-cold water on me. “I’m going to go now,” I say, pointing over my shoulder, “before you change your mind and take it back.”

“I won’t take it back,” he assures me, his hand falling to his side. “Come over tomorrow when you are ready.”

I nod at him and walk out of the boat, turning around as soon as I step off the deck. I find him looking down at Beatrice saying something. His head comes up when he sees me. “I forgot to thank you…for dinner.”

“It was my pleasure, Vivienne,” he replies with his hands on his hips. “Have a nice night.”

“You, too, Xavier.” I ignore the way my heart speeds up when he says my name. I walk over to the boat now. Not even bothering doing anything but going inside. I put my hand to my stomach. “Do you think he put some voodoo potion in my food?” I look over at his boat, seeing him coming out and going upstairs. “He played hockey.” I walk to the bedroom where I tossed my computer.

I get onto the bed, bringing the laptop to me and opening Google. “What the hell are you doing?” I ask myself, shocked. “Are you out of your mind?” I close the lid of my laptop, appalled at myself. “That is so wrong on all the levels.”

I get off the bed, taking the laptop to the kitchen and putting it on the table. “Yeah, it’s better to visualize him kissing you than it is to google who he is,” I tell the dark room. “Much better.” I shake my head. “You need to shut up and go to bed, you have a big day tomorrow.” I turn, walking to my bedroom and hoping that time flies by.

CHAPTER16

XAVIER

“I won’t take it back,”I tell her when she lets go of my hand and it falls to my side. “Come over tomorrow when you are ready.” My hand still tingles from her touch. I move my fingers back and forth, hoping that maybe my hand is just asleep. Except it doesn’t feel like the needles, it’s like a tingle or a touch.

She nods at me and turns, walking out. “What was I supposed to do?” I ask Beatrice, who just looks at me. “Don’t give me that look.” I’m about to say something else when I look up and see her coming back. “Shit, she changed her mind,” I mumble to Beatrice. My palms become sweaty, thinking that she is backing out. I’m so over my head that I don’t even have a chance to think about what this means.

“I forgot to thank you,” she says with a smile, “for dinner.”

“It was my pleasure, Vivienne.” I put my hands on my hips before I decide it’s a good idea to run my hands into her hair. My heart starts to beat even faster than it did before, the pressure starts to form on my chest. I try to steady my heartbeat, knowing I just need a couple of seconds to sit down and center myself. “Have a nice night.” I hope she doesn’t stay around, not knowing if she is going to be present for the full-on panic attack I feel inching its way to the surface.

“You, too, Xavier.” She turns around and walks away. I look and make sure she goes on her boat before I walk out of the galley and upstairs to get some air. I sit down for a second, looking out at the horizon, knowing that it brings me peace. I inhale deeply and then exhale until the beating of my heart feels like it’s normal. Until the pressure on my chest isn’t so tight that it’s going to make it harder for me to breathe.

I clean up the table before walking back downstairs and coming face-to-face with Beatrice. “I’m fine,” I assure her as she comes to me and circles my legs, telling me that she’s right here. “What the hell did I do?” I sit on the couch, and Beatrice follows, getting on the couch next to me. “It’s like I was out of my body while the words came out of my mouth.” She places her head on my lap. “She literally called me on my bullshit.” I shake my head and rub my hands over my face. “She was right, I did the same thing she did, but I didn’t have an asshole breathing down my neck.” I rub the top of Beatrice’s head. “We’ll take her out tomorrow, and then my good deed will be done.” I swallow down. “Good God, I even told her who I was,” I hiss, and Beatrice’s head comes up. “Yeah, I know, rule number two, don’t go to the neighbor,” I remind myself of the rule. “Rule number three, it’s not my problem.” I put my head back. “And rule number four, do not tell anyone who we are.” I close my eyes. “That should be rule number one.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” I ask Beatrice, who doesn’t move. Well, she moves. She just gets off the couch and makes her way down to her bedroom. “I take it that is you saying good night?”

Making my way to the kitchen, I wash the plates and put everything away before I lock up the doors. Looking next door, I see that all the lights are off. “It’ll be fine,” I mumble to myself. “What’s the worst that can happen?” I close the curtains before walking to the table and picking up the book. “She googles and sees what a mess you are.”

I laugh bitterly, walking down to my bedroom and tossing the book on the bed before going into the shower. I walk to the bed naked, slipping under the covers, and turning on the television, not because I’m going to watch it but just to have the background noise. Picking up the book, I turn on the soft light behind the headboard and I start to read. I read one page after another, and when my eyes start to burn, I put the book down. Shutting off the television, I shout, “Night,” to Beatrice. Turning on my side, I close my eyes, and the only thing that flashes through my head is Vivienne. Her smile most of all, especially the one she does when she’s really excited. It fills her whole face, making her cheeks a touch pink and her eyes crinkle. I turn on my back, trying to think about anything but her, but no matter how much I fight it, it all comes back to her. Turning on my other side, I replay our conversation at the dinner table. Her being shocked that I played hockey. Her not asking why I walked away. Usually, it’s the first question someone will ask. Why did you stop? Fuck, even I would have asked the person why they walked away. I toss and turn five more times before throwing the covers off me and checking the time. “Three a.m.” I shake my head, walking to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and a cookie. Walking back to the bedroom, I fluff my pillows twice before trying to lie down again. I don’t think I sleep for more than ten minutes when Beatrice jumps on the bed. I just look at her. “How did you sleep?” I ask her as the alarm starts to ring. “I bet you slept better than me.” I get up, turning off the alarm as I walk over and slip on my boxers. Grabbing a pair of black gym shorts and a black sweater, I walk to the kitchen to start the coffee.

“I’m going to suffer today,” I predict. Even though I didn’t sleep, I feel so alive; it’s the strangest thing. It’s like my body is filled with adrenaline. “You ready?” I ask Beatrice, who sits by the door. “Baseball hat or no baseball hat?” I ask her as I open the door and step out.

I take two steps before I look over and see her outside. “Um.” She looks over at me. “Baseball hat,” she answers the question and laughs. She sits there with her hair on the top of her head, a blanket around her shoulders, and her laptop on her outstretched legs. A cup of coffee is in the middle of the table next to her phone.

I don’t move from my spot for a good five seconds before Beatrice walks off the boat. “What are you doing out here?” The words finally come out. “Are you doing the writing thing?” I point at the laptop.

She stretches her arms over her head and laughs. “I am,” she admits as I step off the boat and onto the dock. “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to get in the work early.”

“Well, see you later.” I walk down the dock, forcing myself not to look over my shoulder.

“You think she is as anxious as us?” I ask Beatrice as we walk out the gate. “She was sitting in the dark in the middle of the night.” I look back at her boat, and all I see is the light from her keyboard. “That’s not safe, is it?” I ask, walking down the sidewalk. I take a sip of coffee. “She’s pretty, right?” I smile when I picture her. “Yeah, she’s more than pretty.” Beatrice walks beside me sniffing, not even paying attention to what I’m saying. “She’s way out of my league.” I shake my head, taking another sip of coffee. “Her brother will kick my ass if I even think about it. Who the hell would want their sister with a basket case?” I laugh. “No one, that’s who.”

The walk is longer than I want it to be, and I don’t even know if I’m doing it on purpose or not. But when Beatrice starts to pant, I make our way back. She walks ahead of me down the ramp toward the dock. I walk down with the leash in one hand and the empty coffee cup in the other. The table where she was sitting when I left is empty, the coffee cup and phone both gone. Walking onto my boat, I slip off my shoes and walk inside. Tossing the leash on the couch, I get Beatrice’s bowl and walk over to the sink, turning on the cold water while I prepare her food. I’m pouring her food in her bowl when I hear a knock and look up to see it’s Vivienne. Seeing her standing there with a plate in her hand, the smile just automatically fills my face. “Come in,” I invite, and she opens the door, stepping in.

“Hi,” she greets, smiling at me and then looking down at Beatrice. “I made breakfast. Nothing fancy, just some omelets.” She looks down at the plate nervously. “And some fruit that I left outside.”

“Is that for me?” I ask her as I fill the bowl with water.

“I mean, I made enough for two, but yes”—she offers me the plate—“it’s for you.”

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