Page 60 of Made For Me

I grab my files and walk down the hallway to Nico’s door. His door is open and I knock anyway before walking in. He took off his jacket and his white dress shirt is rolled up to his elbows. “Hey,” I greet, walking over to the chair in front of his desk. We have these meetings once a week, where we go over everyone’s injuries. Who is on the injured list, who got hurt, who is complaining of aches. No one runs a tighter ship than Nico, he knows what is going on in every single department.

“Okay,” he says, grabbing a file off the top. “Let’s get started.”

I nod at him, opening up my own file as we go down the list from the name on top. “I think he’s good to be on the ice.” Nico looks up at me since last week I told him he needed more time.

“You sure?” he asks, moving his chair side to side, waiting for me to answer.

“Yes,” I confirm. “We went over a couple of things the other day and he was fine.”

“That makes me happy,” he states and the phone rings beside him. He looks down and then smirks. “It’s your father.”

“What?” I sit up straight. “He’s supposed to be in a meeting.” I look at my watch, seeing it’s ten minutes past eleven. He said he was going to the lawyer with Julia. My stomach sinks thinking she went there by herself.

I grab my phone, texting Max.

Me: Are you with Julia?

“Well, well, well,” Nico says, leaning back in his chair smiling as he answers. I have no idea what my father just said, but the smile goes away very fast. By the way his face turns, I know nothing about it is good. “What?” he says as he sits up. “Yeah, he’s on the ice.” He looks at me and he just nods. “See you in a bit.” He disconnects, getting up, and I get up with him.

“What happened?” I ask him. “He’s supposed to be with Julia.” I take my phone out and I’m about to call my father.

“How close are you with Julia?” he questions and my body goes cold as ice.

“Is she hurt?” I ask as I take five steps to the door to rush out of it.

“That answers that question, but I need to get to the ice.” He walks past me and runs down the hallway. “I’ll explain later.”

“Nico.” I say his name but it comes out in almost a growl. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine,” he assures me, and for the first time since he answered the phone, I feel like I can breathe. “Meet us by my car in five,” he says right before he runs off.

I walk toward the garage, the whole time my chest getting tighter and tighter. My phone in my hand not doing anything. I’m about to crawl out of my skin as I think about doing whatever I need to do in order to sacrifice myself for Julia. I will do whatever I need to do to take all her pain away. In this garage, while I plead with whoever is listening, I realize I’m way past in love with her. She is my fucking everything and without her I can’t live.

I look up to the ceiling and laugh bitterly at the irony of it all. My father has said for years, once you find love, the real kind of love, not the bullshit puppy dog shit, it’s going to hit you in the knees so hard you won’t be able to stand. After it hits you in the knees, it’s going to kick you in the balls so hard you won’t be able to breathe. The only way anything will be better will be when you are beside that person. The only time you’ll be able to breathe without feeling like the next breath will be your last is next to that person. The only time you will be whole is by being able to touch that person. It’s like they are the beating of your heart. I laughed each time he said it. I never in my life believed it, until now. Until the thought that Julia wouldn’t be here with me.

Seeing Nico go from laughing to serious and then hearing Julia’s name, everything in me turned to stone. The thought something happened to her was literally too much to bear. The only thing that went through my head was getting to her. The only thing that went through my head was that I never told her how I feel. If anything happened to her, she would never know how much I love her.

Waiting for Nico by his car is agonizing. I take out my phone, seeing if Max or Julia texted me back but nothing is there. I look around when I see Nico rush out the door and unlock his car door. I get in as Nico gets in the driver’s seat and the back door is opened. “Can we get going?” I say when the back door closes. I don’t bother looking over my shoulder, the only thing I can do is stare out the window urging Nico to rush.

CHAPTER35

Julia

The minute I saw the letter with my name on it, everything in me stopped. I had zero idea of what could be in here. I waited until I was sitting in the chair before I opened the letter in front of Stuart, Matthew, and Max. My hands shook like a leaf on a tree during a windstorm as I opened the flap and took out the folded white paper. “Dear Julia,” I read aloud, right before I cover my mouth to stop the sob from coming from me.

Max, who is sitting next to me, rubs my back. “Do you want me to read it?” he asks and I just shake my head.

“No.” I take a deep breath in, trying to get my emotions in place.

“She’s got this,” Matthew says and I look over at him. “You got this.”

I take another breath. “Dear Julia, I guess if you are reading this letter, something bad must have happened to me. I don’t have to tell you how hard it’s been for me, if anyone knows it, it’s you.” I wipe my cheek with the back of my hand. “I just want you to know how hard I tried to be the person you always said I was. I don’t think I would have been able to do anything without you by my side.” My lips tremble. “I hope you can forgive me.” I close my eyes now as the tears just run down my face.

“Let me finish,” Max says softly as he takes the paper from my hands. I listen to his words but I don’t grasp any of it. “The last thing I will say,” Max reads and I look over at him. “Penelope needs to be raised by a family who loves her. Who will keep her safe. I never contacted the father. But his name is…” Max looks up, his eyes going big as he passes the paper to Matthew, who jumps from his chair.

“What is it?” I ask him and then grab the paper from them.

Stuart claps his hands together, the smile on his face like the cat that just ate the bird. “Let the fun begin,” he says, nodding at me. “I’ll be right back.” He walks from the room.

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