I can’t help but laugh. “Good to know.” I lean on the desk with my side, putting my arm on it. “I’m going to head out, but can you make sure I’m notified if there are any changes to Penelope?”
“That’ll cost you.” She leans back in her chair. “My grandson is a big hockey fan.” Her eyebrows go up. Of course he is, I want to say, isn’t that a coincidence, but instead, I do what I have to do.
“Well, it just so happens I have a couple of tickets to whatever game you want,” I say, knowing I will have to call one of my family members and ask for them. I look back at the room and see Julia, her eyes still glued to the bed.
“I’ll call you if anything changes.” She smiles at me. “And don’t think I didn’t see you sneak someone in here.” She looks over at Julia.
“Caseworker,” I say to her, and she shakes her head. “I’ll be out in ten minutes. I’ll take her with me.”
“Take your time,” she says softly, pushing away from the desk. “I’ll be around.”
I walk down the hallway, going into the on-call room. I think about changing, but instead, I just take off the scrub hat I have on before grabbing my keys and bag with my clothes in it. I walk out, going back to her, and spot Emmanuelle talking to Julia, who just nods her head. “Are you ready?”
“I don’t know,” she replies softly, looking at me and then at the bed. “Maybe you can just give me a shirt.”
“She’s not going to be up for a while,” Emmanuelle reassures her. “And I promise to call Dr. Grant as soon as she wakes up or there is a change.” She looks at me, and I just nod. “Besides, no one is allowed back here, so you’ll be much more comfortable than sitting on one of those plastic chairs.”
Julia sighs. “Okay, but you promise to call if there is any change.” Emmanuelle just nods at her as she turns and walks to me, not saying anything. I put my hand at the base of her back as I lead her from the room.
We don’t say anything to each other as I walk to the elevator and press the floor for parking. “Are you hungry?” I ask, and she just shakes her head. I’ve never seen her like this, ever. In all the time I’ve known her, she has always been bubbly and charming. She’s the first one with a smile on her face, and just seeing her smile, all you want to do is smile back. I unlock the car doors, and she pulls open her door, getting in. I wonder if I should maybe call Jillian, but as soon as I sit down in the driver’s seat and look over at her, the answer is there for me. “I’ll be fine,” she says as if she knows my thoughts. “There isn’t anything anyone can do for me.”
“How?” I ask as I start the car.
“I’ve been around you and the family long enough.” She puts her head back on the headrest. “The need to make anyone feel better is huge. You guys will bend over backward and make deals with the devil.” I can’t help but laugh because she’s right. If there is one thing my family does, it’s try to make sure everyone is always okay.
“I can’t even argue that,” I say, pulling out of the parking lot. I glance over and see her looking out the window, not saying anything else, and I give her the space she needs. It takes me eight minutes to get home since it’s two o’clock in the morning. When I turn the car off, her hand grabs the handle and opens the door.
We make our way up to the condo, and when I walk in, I kick off my shoes, and she does the same. I walk in, going to the kitchen and grab a water bottle from the fridge. I turn back, seeing her look around the place. “I see you’ve done a lot to this place.” She tries to joke with me, but the smile never fills her face, and I walk to her.
“Come this way.” I motion with my head at her. I’ve never had her in the condo since I’ve been here. I know she’s been here before when Michael lived here, but never since I’ve moved in. Actually, if I think about it, I’ve never had a woman who isn’t a family member in this house.
I walk down the dark hallway to the master bedroom. “I’ll get you some clothes,” I say as she stands in the middle of the room and looks around.
“Is this your bedroom?” she asks, and I just nod. “Different than I thought.”
I chuckle at her, walking into the closet and grabbing a black T-shirt and shorts. “Here you go.” I hand her the clothes. Her hand reaches out to grab them. “I’m going to shower in the other bathroom.” I point over my shoulder.
“No,” she objects. “I’ll go in the other room.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, walking from the room before she fights me. I walk into the spare bedroom, going into the bathroom. Turning the water on and stepping in at the same time, I pull the hair tie out of my hair. I make the hot stream run down my back as I hang my head. What a fucking night. Never in my wildest dreams did I think tonight would end up like this.
I’ve seen and been to a lot of trauma scenes before, but tonight hit me different. Seeing Julia there threw me for a loop. Even with all my training of blocking everything out, the only thing I could think of was making sure she was okay. I was in the operating room assisting, and my head was wondering how Julia was coping. When I walked out, I washed my hands and made a beeline for her, thankful I wasn’t going to her with bad news.
Seeing her sitting there in the hallway, my body filled with something I couldn’t put words to. I was hoping she had called someone. But she was all alone, sitting down in the hallway, staring my way. All I could think was to get her the fuck out of there. I turn the water off and dry myself, grabbing the pair of boxers I pulled out and slipping the shorts on after.
I run my hands through my long hair and pin it back up in a bun. I walk out and head down to the master bedroom, listening for the sound of running water, but I stop in my tracks at the doorway when I see her.
She sits on the bench in front of my bed wearing nothing but her bra and panties, holding the shirt with the blood in her hands in front of her. I clear my throat to make sure she knows I’m here and not to just surprise her, but she never looks up. Her eyes remain fixated on the shirt.
I stand in front of her. “Julia.” I say her name softly, but she doesn’t move. I squat down in front of her and see her hands are wet from the tears she is crying. “Hey.” She finally looks up at me, and I see that she’s in shock.
“I did everything,” she says, her voice in a whisper, her eyes fixated on the shirt. “Every single thing I did was…” Her shoulders shake as the tears fall. “Every time, every single step, it was just to help her.” She shakes her head, and I get up, leaving her for a minute.
I walk into the bathroom, turn on the bath water, and check to see the temperature before walking back out. I see her in the same spot. The only thing moving is her shoulders as she silently sobs. I get in front of her again. This time, I put my hands on her and feel that she is ice cold. “Julia.” I say her name softly, hoping she snaps out of it and looks at me, but all she can do is look at the shirt with blood on it. When the adrenaline runs out, the shock comes in, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I was at the right place at the right time. “Julia, sweetheart,” I whisper softly. This time, I move my thumbs on her hands.
“She’s gone,” she says. “She’s gone, and I couldn’t save her.” Her voice cracks, and I can’t even imagine the guilt she’s feeling. My hands move to cover the shirt, hoping she focuses on my hands instead. I wait a couple of seconds before I move one hand under her chin. I slowly lift her head and see her eyes glazed over, the tears rolling over the bottom lids as they fall on my hand still on top of hers.
“Hey, you did everything you could,” I say quietly. She looks at me, but for some reason, I feel like she’s not even seeing me. “Let’s get you in the bath.” I stand and pull her up with me. The shirt falls from her hands to the floor as she starts to shiver. “We’ll get you in a nice warm bath.” I move one step at a time with her. “It’s going to be okay,” I say once I get her into the bathroom, the tub almost full.