Page 100 of Theirs to Crave

Wooo, he was seriously pissed off.

His hands slammed down on either side of my head, claws piercing the fabric with a ripping, popping sound that made me flinch.

“Zaf...” Litha said warningly, her fingers wrapping around his wrist.

“I choose you,” Zaf bit out, each word hitting my ears like a punch. “Ichoose you.”

He hissed a long string of Teterayuh, but I wasn’t listening. I was too busy drowning beneath the panicked rush of adrenaline that had my body trying to turn itself inside out.

This is Zaf, my conscious mind babbled desperately.He’d never hurt me. He’s not like that. He’s just upset. He’d never—

But the wounded part of me remembered saying those words before. Remembered how wrong I’d been. I closed my eyes, turning my face to the side as I strained to draw in a breath. All the air had been sucked out of the room, and my lungs were screaming.

“Zaf!” Litha barked.

Then I was weightless, touched only by the cushion beneath me. Bits of something fluffy stuck out from the tears Zaf’s claws had made, tickling my temple. Finally, I could breathe, though the warm, humid air slashed at my lungs like frozen knives.

“Rek. I—I’m sorry.”

Zaf’s horrified whisper released the paralysis that had locked me in place. I pushed up on arms that felt like overcooked noodles, grateful for Litha’s supportive hand on my back.

Zaf was pressed against the far wall, his tail coiled around his leg so tightly it was almost invisible across the distance.

Revik crouched just past the foot of the bed, and for a moment I thought he’d thrown Zaf off me. But a fuzzy memory rose up of Zaf pushinghimselfaway, of him falling and scrambling in his rush.

Panic was still thick and sour in my throat, and even though my heart broke at the pain in his eyes, the last thing I wanted to do was comfort Zaf. He’d scared me so bad.

“I go. I’m sorry.Rek,Estrayuh, I’m sorry.” Zaf slunk towards the doorway, shame radiating from every hair on his big alien body.

A montage of the future cascaded through my mind in a single instant. Zaf, leaving. Litha and Revik comforting me. Becoming their broken, taped-together toy, always handled with care. The tiny death of Zaf shoving down that feral, primal side that I knew frightened and upset him. Distance and pain infecting our home. Maybe we’d get back together, but things would always be tentative between us. Maybe he’d just—not come home one day. “Save us” from his corrupting influence.

Fuck. That.

Fuck that, and fuck Drake. Fuck PTSD, fuck those damned bugs and their nasty-ass ship, and fuck noble, self-sacrificing idiots.

“Stop!” I couldn’t growl like a Teterayuh, but the mom voice I used to keep Mariano out of trouble worked just fucking fine. I stomped to Zaf, anger giving me the strength fear had stolen.

He crouched, trying to make himself as small as possible as he stared at me with wide, confused eyes.

Perfect.

I reached out, grabbed an ear, and pivoted. Dragging him—yelping—back to the bed, I pointed imperiously until he took a seat next to Litha. I glared at Revik until he joined them, all three still as statues and watching me like I was a hissing snake.

“Don’t you fucking dare try that shit with me again.” I forced myself to speak slowly, to find enough Teterayuh among the cussing to be understood. I needed them to hear this. “If we have a goddamned problem, we talk about it. We deal with it. Youdon’t get to leave!” I snapped, poking Zaf in the chest. “The same goes for you,” my finger stabbed towards Litha, “and you!”

Revik grunted at my jab.

“I’m messed up. I’ve got baggage. Youknowthat! You said you want me anyways. That means you have to fuckingdeal with it. I’m going to freak out sometimes. I need to know you’ll still be here when I calm down.” My voice broke, and the anger flooded out of me. I cupped Zaf’s jaw, pulling our faces together as I tried to control my breathing.

“I love it when you’re growly and fierce and brutal. I love that you want me so much you can’t control yourself. I just need to know what’s going on. You caught me off guard.” I tipped my head back, meeting his pretty flower eyes.

“I’m not scared of you, Zaf. I know you won’t hurt me. It’s just...memories. I get lost, sometimes.”

His arms rose slowly. When I leaned into him, he wrapped them around me, exhaling raggedly.

“I’m sorry. Kshh, no,” he murmured, rubbing my back until I relaxed again. “I’m sorry you fear. Sorry I no stay. Sorry I no understand.” He was silent for a moment, holding me. “How can Ihellt? When you fear?”

“Hold me,” I said, a small smile flitting across my face when he snuggled me closer. “Talk. Stay.” My smile grew and warmed as Litha and Revik cuddled close, surrounding me with their grounding solidness.

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