Page 2 of Doctor’s Orders

“Remember, Lacy: I want a full report when I see you next month.” He stands to walk me to the door, his hand landing on the small of my back like it always does. At first I thought it was a little strange, but now the warmth of his palm is comforting. What’s more, when remnants of desire burn through my veins, it’s his hands I picture roaming my body as I tell him how good it makes me feel.

“Remember, Lacy. It’s important to give time for yourself.Doctor’s orders.”

2

Lacy

It takes about a week, but I’m finally able to book a babysitter I can trust. She just so happens to be my sister, but she’s happy to help - eager, even, to spend time with my son. “I work too much,” she tells me as she watches Beck play with his toys. “I should be here more often. It can’t be easy on your own.”

It’s not, but I manage. “You’re here now, and that’s what matters. I really appreciate this, Lana.”

She smiles, her dimples showing. My sister’s long red hair matches my own, and growing up people always thought we were twins. But unlike me, she focused on school and went to a prestigious college and majored in business.

I majored inmotherhood, and even then I’m not so sure I passed.

“What are you planning for tonight? Please tell me you’re not winging it and that you actually have a plan.”

“I have a plan,” I say defensively. I don’t, actually, but she doesn’t need to know that. “I was thinking… I might go see a movie.” It’s a lie, but my sister relaxes and that’s what matters.

“Oh good. Keeping it simple sounds good. You could even go out to dinner. Here.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a few twenty dollar bills. “Consider tonight my treat. Go have fun. And don’t you dare come home before ten o’clock!”

- o -

There’s nothing interesting at the cinema these days, and I’d rather not munch on stale popcorn for three hours. After turning my nose up at the movie board, I make a beeline down an adjacent alley towards downtown. Music floats across the street from an open door, and my feet move on their own until I’m staring into a cozy dive bar with crawling ivy along the walls and the smell of burgers in the air.

I know Dr. Wes likely didn’t mean for me to end up at a bar, but apparently old habits die hard, even for me. I step across the threshold and breathe in the familiar smell of smoke. My body relaxes on instinct, and I slide into the nearest booth and look around. I haven’t been to this specific bar before… and that’s probably a good thing. I don’t want anyone to recognize the adventurous girl who used to dance on tables and sleep with the band.

She’s just a ghost of my past now.

I clench my hands in my lap as I wonder… who am I now? What does this new version of myself want?

Once the server arrives, I order a pub mac n cheese and a soda. It only takes a minute to arrive, and I sip my drink leisurely. I haven’t had anything alcoholic since before Beck was born, and I’d rather not start now. There isn’t a point, anyway. I’d be drinking alone.

The bar quickly fills as an hour passes and the sun sets. I should have known better than to go out on a Friday night, but it was the only evening my sister was free to watch Beck. Another thirty minutes passes and a live band begins to set up, with tables being moved for some kind of dance or event floor. I’m not sure what I expected by coming here tonight, but this wasn’t it.

My nerves begin to rise as people start side-eying me for taking up an entire table.I should leave.But it’s only eight o’clock, and my sister will kill me if I go home now. Besides, I haven’t really done anything other than sit here.

What else could I do tonight?

My head starts to swim with possibilities. Doing things alone doesn’t sound appealing, but I don’t have much of a choice.

The band begins to play a popular rock cover song, and a few regulars begin clapping and cheering as one of their friends takes to the dance floor.

“Can I get you anything else?” The server reappears and gives me a tight smile. “A drink? We’ve got a full bar. Or another soda?”

I bite my lip. I don’t know what I’m waiting for, but I don’t want to leave yet. I feel like something’s missing… and I’m praying it isn’t the alcohol. “Another coke,” I say quietly. “Thanks.”

It takes a few minutes for her to get back to me this time, but I don’t mind. It’s gotten busier, and she likely has real drink orders to fill. More people have joined the dance floor, and the band keeps the atmosphere lively. I begin people watching, trailing my eyes from one person to the next, imagining their life stories in my head.

The woman taking shots in a large group is celebrating her new promotion, the couple laughing on the dance floor as they spin out of control is on their third date, the guy standing in the back is waiting for—

It’s too dim in the back of the bar for me to see clearly, but my heart races as I imagine Dr. Wes standing therewatching me.Our eyes meet from across the room, and a flash of heat crawls up my spine, licking across my skin as I try and make out his features. Dark hair, crisp white shirt with buttons undone at the top—

My drink arrives, the server blocking the man from view. I wait with bated breath for her to move, and as soon as she does, my heart sinks.

Whoever the mystery man is, he’s gone.

A strange sense of longing claws at my chest, and I find it hard to breathe.

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