Page 7 of Death's Devotion
“Yeah. He’s down for the night. I was going to take a shower and head there myself. Today was a long day.”
“He won’t wake up if you move him right now?”
“No. He’s a pretty heavy sleeper once I get him down for a nap or bed. Why?”
“You need to talk to Death. The two of you need to figure this shit out and come up with some sort of plan or somethin’. He’s goin’ out of his fuckin’ mind and I know you’ve more than likely been drivin’ yourself crazy with tryin’ to figure out what to do with the little one you’re now carryin’. So, I’m gonna take you to the clubhouse and you’re gonna have it the fuck out. Now,” Lash demands, his voice letting me know I’m not getting out of this.
With a nod of my head, I head to grab Brent from his crib. He doesn’t stir as I wrap him up in a blanket and grab the diaper bag. I’m not sure how long I’ll be wherever Death is and I want to be prepared in case he does wake up or something. Following Lash, he helps me get Brent in the backseat using the base of one of his car seats for my son. After helping me get in his truck, Lash makes his way to the driver’s side and climbs in.
Lash parks in front of the clubhouse and helps me out before leading me inside. The main room, or common room as I’ve heard everyone call it, is filled with the men and women of the club. They’re eating and a few are drinking as the Rebels walk around the room. A few of them are already sitting in the lap of men as they talk amongst themselves. My eyes scan the room and I don’t see Death sitting with his family.
“He’s in his room. I’ll take you up to him,” Lash states as he leads me further in the clubhouse.
Once he leaves me standing in front of Death’s door, I remain frozen to my spot. I can’t lift my hand to knock on his door or turn and flee as nerves fill me. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Death obviously doesn’t want to talk to me about anything and that’s his choice to make. Again, I’m not going to force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Just as I go to make myself leave his door, he’s standing in front of me. My eyes travel down his body as he isn’t wearing a shirt and only has a towel wrapped around his waist. His muscles and ink are on full display making my mouth water.
“What?” he barks out, causing me to jump slightly.
“Um, Lash brought me over here. Said something about talking about this situation or something. We don’t have to. I’m not going to force you into anything you don’t want to do, Death. I’ll just make my way back to the apartment and let you get on with your night,” I tell him, preparing to turn and flee quicker than I’ve ever moved in my life.
“Don’t go, Kels. Let me get dressed real quick and we can talk. We need to talk about this shit so we’re both on the same page and know what to expect from the other person involved here,” he says, closing his door as I listen to him move around his room.
Once he’s dressed, Death opens the door and invites me into his room once again. This is only the second time I’ve been in the man’s room and I’m not ready for the conversation we’re about to have. Though it does need to be done so we do know what’s going on. Where we both stand on everything over the next few months.
“So, have you had a chance to think about everything?” I ask Death, setting Brent’s car seat down at my feet so I’m not holding him while we have this talk.
“I have. Kelsey, there’s no easy way to say what I have to. I’ve never wanted a family of my own. I have the club, my blood brothers, and that’s all I’ve ever needed. Havin’ an ol’ lady is great for some guys, but it’s never been in the cards for me. There’s reasons from my past as to why I don’t want kids or an ol’ lady. Reasons I’m not about to get into right now. The important thing is I’ll support you in any decision you make regardin’ the baby. If you want to have him or her, I’ll pay for everythin’. Doctor’s appointments, things for the baby, child support, anythin’ you ever need, I’ll make sure you have. This doesn’t mean I want to be a part of my child’s life though. I won’t be around. I know you can’t possibly understand where I’m comin’ from, but it’s the choice I made a long time ago and one I’m goin’ to stick to,” Death tells me, breaking my heart while also telling me nothing new.
“I already figured you wouldn’t be there for the baby. And that’s okay. I’m not going to trap you or force you into doing something you don’t want to do, Death. That’s not who I am. At the end of the day, I know I can do this on my own. And I will. I also won’t be asking you for a dime. You’ve made your stance perfectly clear and I’m good with it. I’ll make sure I cover the appointments and anything else coming my way in the coming months while pregnant and then when I have the baby. Soon, you won’t even have to worry about seeing me around. I’m glad we figured this all out now. Thank you, Death. For being honest and letting me know where we stand,” I tell him, grabbing Brent’s car seat and turning to leave Death’s room.
He doesn’t bother stopping me or saying another word about what I’ve said here tonight. I’m really not surprised. Making my way back down to the main room of the clubhouse, tears are sliding steadily down my face. It’s been a long day and the exhaustion combined with knowing I’m truly alone in this is hitting me hard. It’s one thing to believe you’re going to be a single mom because the dad doesn’t want anything to do with his child and something completely different to hear it come from his mouth. So, I’m going to give myself the rest of the night to have a pity party and then pick myself back up in the morning.
As soon as I get in the common room of the clubhouse, Lash and Judge immediately stand from their chairs as soon as they see me. The disappointment on Lash’s face isn’t missed even through my tears. Judge has no clue what’s going on, but I can see from his face he’s not happy about seeing tears streaming down my face.
“Lash, um, can someone take me back to the apartment please? I’m tired and need to go to bed,” I ask the man in charge of the club.
“Yeah. I’ll have one of the guys take you home and watch over the apartment tonight,” he answers me as Judge steps forward.
“I’ve got it. I’ll watch over her tonight too,” he states, never taking his eyes off me.
With a nod of my head, I head toward the door which will lead me to the parking lot. I don’t look at anyone or pay attention if Lash is saying something to Judge. The less he knows about this situation, the better as far as I’m concerned. I’m certainly not going to say anything against Death when it comes to his brother or any club member. These are his family members and they need to have his back in this situation. Not mine. I’ll be okay at the end of the day. I’ve still got a few months to get used to doing this on my own and realize I’m about to start all over again with a newborn before Brent is even a year and a half old.
Judge meets me outside and helps me get in Lash’s truck. Once we’re all inside, he doesn’t hesitate to start the engine and head back to the apartment. Death’s brother gets out and opens my door for me before grabbing the diaper bag while I get Brent out of the back. I lead him up to the door and invite him in before I can stop myself. I’m guessing he has something to say if he stopped drinking and offered to watch over us for the night.
“So, um, can I offer you some water? I don’t have much else right now,” I ask Judge as I get Brent out of his seat.
“I’m good, Kelsey. So, wanna tell me why my brother has you cryin’?” he returns, his voice low so he doesn’t wake my son up.
“Nope. It’s between us. And it’s been a long day. He didn’t say anything I wasn’t already expecting him to say about something and I’m good with the decision he made,” I tell him, not going into detail because I refuse to come between these brothers.
“If I had to guess, I’d say he knocked your ass up and isn’t goin’ to be there for you and the baby now. I know my brother, Kelsey. There’s a reason he’s like that and it’s not my story to tell. Do you know what you’re gonna do?”
“I do. I’m keeping my baby. Death doesn’t need to be involved and I told him as much when we were talking. I’ll be okay. Once Jae comes back I have a plan in place and will have the money needed to put everything in motion.”
“You’re leavin’. Where are you gonna go?” Judge questions, not condemnation or anything in his voice.
“I don’t know yet. I thought I’d go somewhere between here and wherever you live. That way if you and Talon decide to be in your niece or nephew’s life, you’ll both be close. I’d never force this on your brother and he knows I won’t be around long after Jae is able to come back to work,” I answer honestly, my voice breaking at the thought of leaving here.
“I’m gonna be around, Kelsey. I want to know my niece or nephew and be there for you if you ever need anythin’. That’s not a question you need to ask. I also know Talon will want to know his blood too. I gotta say, I’m impressed by you,” Judge states, his voice still low as he looks at me. “I don’t know what you got goin’ on, but I know it’s nothin’ good. Now, you’re barely givin’ me any details and lettin’ me piece everythin’ together on my own. You’re not throwin’ Death under the bus or tryin’ to turn me against him. Not a lot of women would be doin’ what you are. You want to make sure no one feels some type of way against him and I’m sure he has no clue you’re even doin’ it. My brother can be a fuckin’ dick and that’s not gonna change anytime soon. I’m sorry, Kelsey. Just know if you need anythin’, I’m here day or night. Give me your phone.”
