Page 15 of Death's Devotion
“I’ll take him,” I finally mutter as Death looks from the pictures to me and then down to Brent.
After handing over my son, I watch as Death carefully picks one of the pictures up and turns around to look at it. His eyes never leave the picture as he makes his way out of the room without saying another word to me. I’m not even sure if he’s going to come back to get Brent while I’m still in here or send someone else to do it. Not that it matters to me. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of my son no matter how much pain I’m in.
I lay in bed with Brent sleeping beside me. The TV is on but I have no clue what’s playing as I think of having two baby boy’s under two years old running around. My life is going to be interesting for sure. I’m not sure if it would be easier with two boys, a boy and girl, or both of them being girls. Probably boys though. While they might have attitudes and do all sorts of disgusting things, especially when they become teenagers, I’m not sure I’ll have to deal with all the fights sisters tend to have over the simplest things. At least that’s what I hear. I don’t have a sister and the friends I had growing up grossly exaggerated situations I’m sure. Here’s to learning how to be a boy mom of two.
Kathy finally makes her way in my room with a smile on her face.
“Isn’t he the cutest little guy?” she questions, looking down at Brent next to me. “So, good news. Everything looks great with the baby. Nothing was done to him during the attack and I don’t foresee any problems moving forward with your pregnancy. He’s actually pretty protected in there. Congratulations on the boy as well.”
“Thank you. Um, can you tell me when I can get out of here now? I’m dying to go home and get back to work,” I ask her, knowing there’s so much I have to do.
“I’m going to be getting your discharge papers around in just a minute. While I know you opened up the new bakery with Jaelyn, I have to remind you to take things easy. You’re going to need help as your body continues healing and getting back to normal. If you have any changes, call me immediately and we’ll get you in to see what’s going on. I don’t want to take any chances. Or to put you on bed rest. Now, is there someone who can take you home?”
“Well, I don’t know. Death was here. He left a little while ago. I’m not sure if he’s coming back or not. Is there any way you can call Talon or Bronwan. Maybe call up to Jae’s room and see if Sabotage or Zeus can get ahold of someone?”
“Once I know the nurses have started your paperwork, I’ll run up to see them in person. I have to check on Jaelyn anyway. Give me twenty minutes and you’ll be on your way home, Kelsey,” Kathy promises, as she takes my vitals one more time before leaving the room.
With a smile on my face, I want to get up and begin getting ready to go home. I don’t even think I have clothes here to wear home though. I’m sure everything I was wearing when I came in is covered in blood and I’d rather not put that stuff back on. Hopefully someone remembers what I need and will bring me something. I really hate having to depend on others for even the smallest things. This stay has only proven my point about that once again.
Chapter Eleven
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I’m going to be a dad. Up to this point, it was kind of just a thought in my mind. Now, I can’t say that shit. Kelsey is having my baby. A little fucking boy. I should have done as she asked and left before anything even started. This could all still be nothing more than a situation I didn’t have to see as my reality. Instead, I’m now faced with the truth. Hearing his heartbeat strong and steady was something I didn’t ever expect to hear for myself. I’ve heard the guys talking about how it changed everything for them and never believed it. Not until the very moment it filled the hospital room. Then to see an image of our baby as it rests in her body blew me the fuck away. I couldn’t help but lean even closer to get a better look at the screen and see everything Marsha was pointing out. He already looks like a little person instead of the alien I believed it to be. Seeing and hearing that was a damn miracle and something I shouldn’t have been there for.
In however many more months I’m going to have a son. Something feeling like happiness and pride bursts open in my chest. I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. This isn’t what I want. There is no place for children in my life. I’m the fucking Sargent at Arms for the Knight’s Rebellion MC. That’s one of the many reasons why I don’t want children. There are too many reasons to list if I’m being honest. Though, the club and my role is a huge reason standing in my way. I can’t believe Sabotage was excited to be a dad knowing what he does for the club. Or any of the guys. We’re not good men. We hurt those who fuck with us and a child doesn’t deserve to be raised in that kind of environment. I should know. Fuck! I have to talk to someone. Get my head back on straight and my mind on the right track.
Heading out of the hospital after making sure Lash was there for Kelsey and Brent, I head straight outside and to my bike. I need a long as fuck ride and to talk to someone who’s going to help me figure this shit out. At this point, I don’t know who I can turn to though. Judge has gone back home, Talon is busy with his family, Gramps is only going to give me the advice he believes is what I need to hear. Sabotage. He’s who I need to talk to. He was once like me and believed his life had no room for a baby and ol’ lady. I want to know what changed his mind and how he made the leap to put all of his trust in Jaelyn. Someone who can destroy him with a few lies and promises she never intends to keep.
Pressing the button on the elevator, I make my way up to the labor and delivery floor. It doesn’t take me long to find the room Jae’s in. Knocking on the closed door, I hear movement before Sabotage barely opens it a crack. He stares down at me for a second before making his way out into the hallway without saying a word. Sab doesn’t stop until we’re in some sort of conference room and the door is closed behind me. The man is almost as good as I am at reading people and situations.
“What’s wrong? Did somethin’ happen with Kelsey or the baby?” he immediately questions me.
“No, nothin’ like that. I need to talk to you. You’re the one person who knows my past so I don’t have to rehash this shit. It’s no secret I don’t want an ol’ lady or kids. I’ve made it clear to everyone in the club, the Rebels, and any woman I choose for a quick fuck. That’s not the man I am,” I say, dropping into the closest chair to me and pulling out the picture from the ultrasound from my cut. “You were the same way, Sab. What made you change your mind? How are you okay with bein’ a dad and husband to a woman who could take it all away in seconds?”
“You were at the ultrasound,” he states, looking down at the picture of my son. “Nolan, I’ve known you your entire life. I know what that bitch did to you. Kelsey isn’t her. She couldn’t be her on the worst day of her life. None of the women we bring into our lives as an ol’ lady are. I think deep down you know that shit too. Kelsey is a good as fuck woman who got dealt a shitty hand in life. She’s doin’ the best she can to raise a son, make sure nothin’ happens to your baby, and keep the shop open while Jae’s out. How many women do you know would do all that shit? Especially when they aren’t tryin’ to trap your ass and have a crazy as fuck ex on their tail.”
“I know. The goodness of her has never been in question for me, Sab. She’s the best mom to Brent. Always puttin’ him first and makin’ sure she goes without so he can have what he needs and wants. I’m sure she’ll be the same way with my child. After what was done to me, I’m not sure I can be there for them. Not the way you’re supposed to be. I didn’t have a good role model in my own parents. You know this shit. Now, I’m an officer of the club and don’t have the time to give them. They’re a family already created and I’d just be in the damn way,” I tell him, not really answering his question.
“Nolan, you’re so damn confused and that should tell you all you need to know about the situation. Is there a chance Kelsey will rip your fuckin’ heart out and take it with her if she still chooses to leave? Yeah, there is. Can she change her mind and decide bein’ with you isn’t what she wants? Yes again. However, if I didn’t give that chance to Jae, Zeus, and myself, we wouldn’t be where we are right now. I’m happier than I’ve ever been with my best friend at my side as we worship the woman who absolutely fuckin’ owns us. She’s given us two sons and a daughter, Nolan. At the end of the day, if she chooses to walk away from us, I’d let her go. Her happiness is all that matters to me. To Zeus. We’ll do everythin’ in our power to make sure she’s where she wants to be and keeps us in her life no matter what happens with our family or in the club.
“If you want to know what I think you should do, I’ll tell you. I think you should man the fuck up and tell Kelsey the truth. Tell her what the skank did to you, what you saw with your parents growin’ up, and everythin’ that led to you makin’ the choice not to have an ol’ lady or kids of your own. Let her make her own mind up about the situation. She’s laid herself bare for you, and the men of the club, yet you haven’t given her the same in return. Her little boy is the best little guy ever. He barely cries, is content to play by himself but loves the attention from Kelsey and us, and will need a strong man to guide him as he gets older. I think for the first time in your life you’re at a cross roads and don’t know where to go. So, I’m tellin’ you to man the fuck up and keep Kelsey. Not as a possession or because she’s carryin’ your child. Because you want her more than you’ve wanted any other woman in your life. We all know you haven’t touched the Rebels or any other women since the night you were with her. The only ones your hurtin’ right now are the three of you. Soon to be four,” Sabotage says, sitting down next to me as if we’ve got all the time in the world.
Sabotage is a good man. I know he’d rather be down the hall with his wife and children, but instead he’s here with me. His entire focus is on me and not on a million and one other things. His brothers are the same way. They love the club and will do anything for anyone at any point in time. Even if it’s the last thing they want to be doing. He’s going to sit here with me until I get my damn head on right and won’t do anything else until that very moment.
“We’re havin’ a son, man. She just found out durin’ the ultrasound. I heard his heartbeat, saw him on that screen. It’s all fuckin’ real now. There is no more tryin’ to pretend it’s just somethin’ I heard in a doctor’s office what seems like a lifetime ago. I was holdin’ Brent when they were doin’ the ultrasound. That little boy curled up on my chest and just laid there the entire time. It’s the first time I’ve really held a kid who didn’t belong to a member of the club. I don’t think I can do this shit, Sab. I’ve said too much to Kelsey about not wantin’ anythin’ to do with her or the baby. Hell, she tried to keep my ass out of her room when she was about to have it done. And I still haven’t even talked to her about that entire situation with the girls in the room when she showed up,” I tell him, not sure how else I can make this fucking situation even worse than it already is. “Plus, she’s ready to get the fuck outta here as soon as Jae returns to work. Doesn’t want me to have to see our kid every day and shit.”
“So you need to make her see she’s wanted here. Not by the club, Jae, or anyone else. You need to make her seeyouwant her here. That you’re goin’ to do what you gotta do in order to change your mind and go for what you fuckin’ want. The club ain’t gonna get in your way and neither will your role.”
“How can I raise a kid, more than one kid, with blood on my fuckin’ hands, Sabotage? We all got blood on our hands to some extent. Don’t you think about that shit?”
“I do. Every fuckin’ day, I think about that. Then I remind myself we’re not some thugs out killin’ whoever just because they looked at us wrong or are in the way. We’re not killin’ innocent people who haven’t done a damn thing wrong. The people we take out of this world deserve it. Justice won’t be gotten through court or anythin’ else. We take them out because they’re vile, sadistic fucks who will never stop hurtin’ others and makin’ the world an evil place. The same shit I’m gonna teach Micah, Reid, and any other boys we have. It’s the same stuff you’re gonna teach Brent and your son. To protect their woman and family at all costs. If it means takin’ a life, then that’s what we fuckin’ do.
“Do you think Vince is gonna stop with a beat down? That he’ll be scared of you and not come anywhere near Kels and Brent again? No, you don’t. You watched that fuckin’ video with us and saw the pure fuckin’ joy on his face as he was beatin’ the shit out of her. He smiled the entire fuckin’ time and left whistlin’ some fuckin’ tune as if he was havin’ the best day ever. That’s all I need to see and hear to know Kelsey is one of many women he’s done this to. He’s never gonna fuckin’ stop until he’s put down. If you don’t wanna do it, I gladly will. And I’ll go back home to my wife and kids, hold them tight, and make sure they know they’re the center of my entire universe,” he informs me, his voice full of the conviction he feels about this.
Nodding my head in agreement, I simply sit in my chair and look down at the picture of my son. There’s nothing more to say to that. He’s right about everything. It’s time for me to make a decision and figure out what I truly want in my life. To open up and make sure Kelsey knows exactly why I’ve acted the way I have since learning of the baby.
“Thanks, Sab. I know you don’t want to be in here talkin’ about this shit with me. Go be with your family. I’m gonna go out searchin’ for Vince and clear my head a bit when I’m done,” I tell him, lifting the picture from the table and putting it back in my cut for safe keeping.
“Death, you know better than that shit. I’m here for you whenever the fuck you need me. Now, go make sure she knows you’re gonna be there for you. I’m sure she’s gettin’ ready to be released. Are you takin’ her home?”
