Page 12 of Death's Devotion
The only time Boxer comes in my room is a little while later. He holds out his phone for me. Taking it, I look down at the screen to see my baby boy. He’s being held by Talon as Death holds the phone on him. I smile at my son as he babbles while holding Talon’s shirt in his little fist.
“There’s my boy. Mommy loves you so much, Brent. I wish I were there with you now,” I say, tears filling my eyes.
“He’s doin’ good, Kels. Bronwan’s fed him, gave him a bath and let him play in the water, and he’s been playin’ with the kids. We’re not gonna let anythin’ happen to him while you’re in the hospital. You focus on gettin’ better and let us focus on Brent,” Talon says as Brent sees me in the phone and starts babbling even more.
“Will you guys bring him to see me while I’m in here? I won’t know until later today or tomorrow when I’m getting out of here. I just really need to see my boy,” I tell him as more tears slide slowly down my face.
“He’ll be there,” Talon assures me. “If we can’t get him there, one of the guys will make sure to drive him there and bring him up to you. I know you only trust certain people so I’ll make sure it’s one of them. Maybe after he takes a nap today we’ll get him up there.”
“Thank you, Talon. And please thank Bronwan for me too. I know you guys have a lot going on so you taking care of Brent for me means more than you know,” I tell him as he gives me a nod in response.
Death hangs up the phone just after I finish speaking. I’m not sure why he hung up so quick either. Handing the phone over to Boxer, I thank him before he gives me a small nod and leaves the room once again. I lay back against the uncomfortable pillows and try to shut my mind off from all the thoughts swirling around my mind. There’s too damn much going on and so many unknowns at this point to really make sense of anything. Not when I have so much pain filling me. Pain I can handle, but it still fills me, nonetheless.
I eat the lunch I’m provided by the hospital and get an extra ice cream. Chocolate ice cream is what I’m craving today. Kathy was true to her word and made sure all the nurses on the floor knew to bring it to me as often as I want it. I’m not going to complain about that one bit. As long as I eat my other food, I’ll take the ice cream between meals when I’m hungry. It’s my own way of making eating so much of it be okay in my mind.
Kathy does come back in to inform me the ultrasound machine isn’t going to be brought up today. I’ll have to wait until at least tomorrow morning before they can give me one. While I don’t want to remain in the hospital another minute, I know I’m not going to leave until I’m completely sure everything is okay with the baby. That Vince didn’t hurt him or her because he’s a sadistic fuck. So, I do what I haven’t been able to do in a long time. Sleep. I get the rest I’ve been denying myself because of everything going on lately.
Chapter Nine
LEAVING THE HOSPITAL has me feeling mixed emotions. On the one hand I’m glad to be out of the fucking place. I hate hospitals more than any other place in the world. Literally, the only reason I go to them is to be with the club when someone in our family is there for any reason. We all rally around the person to make sure they know we’re there for them. However, being in the hospital reminds me of nothing more than death. The number of people who enter the place only to never leave here again is something out of my nightmares. And I serve death up to anyone who fucks with my family. However, a large part of me wants to remain in that building with Kelsey. To make sure she’s okay and nothing is wrong with the baby. I watched the security footage from the shop and know exactly what that fucker Vince did to her. Watched every second of his attack against the woman carrying my baby. With no intention at all, Kelsey has wormed her way under my skin and there’s no way I can get her out of my head. Especially knowing she’s carrying my son or daughter. I’m such a fucking mess right now.
Making my way out of the hospital, I keep my eyes peeled for any sign of someone lingering in the area when they shouldn’t be. The security footage from Kelsey’s attack showed a blackout SUV. Vince got out of it and climbed back in once he was done beating his ex and leaving her there alone with no help. Who knows how long it would be before someone else walked in there. He sure as fuck didn’t know or care about how long Kelsey would lay there injured. Or that his son would be left in the shop while his mom couldn’t get to him. Piece of fucking shit!
Straddling my bike, I take a second to just be before starting the engine and heading to my brother’s house. Kelsey isn’t going to calm down until she sees her son. If we have to make it happen through a phone right now, that’s what I’ll make happen. Even though I know I’m not the kind of guy who will ever be a dad, I don’t want anything to happen to the baby she carries either. Stress isn’t good for her or the baby. Calling her so she can see Brent isn’t even a hardship. It’s what any decent person would do for someone they know. I might not always be decent, but I can do this simple thing for her.
Riding to my brother’s house, I try to let everything go. When Lash got the call from the Prospect, I was with him. We were literally just sitting in his office at the clubhouse doing nothing. Lash kept the phone on speaker since we were the only ones in his office. To hear the fear and anger in the young kids voice is something I’ll never forget. He didn’t know what the fuck to do for Kelsey. Especially when she blacked out in front of his eyes as she was trying to crawl across the floor of the shop to Brent. Even beaten to hell, Kelsey’s first damn thought was getting to her boy. Tells anyone the kind of woman she is. And if I were the type of man to want a family, it would be with someone like her.
Zeus happened to stop by just after we got off the phone with the Prospect and Lash stayed behind to get access to the security system so we’d have the footage. I raced to the bakery in one of the SUVs from the club. Sure as fuck couldn’t take Kels to the hospital on a bike. Or make sure Brent wasn’t left behind. I called my brother to meet me there so he could take Brent over to his house until we knew what was going on with Kelsey. There was no reason to take him to the hospital without knowing how long she’d be there. It’s no place for a kid. Not if they aren’t the ones who need to be taken care of by a doctor.
Pulling up to my brother’s, I realize I didn’t manage to calm my racing thoughts at all. If anything I have more confusion and thoughts playing on a loop repeatedly. This entire situation is so confusing and I’m all twisted up inside. Maybe I should talk to Talon about it because he was once in the same place as me. Not wanting an ol’ lady or kids of his own. Now, he’s a father, a husband, and loves every fucking second of it. I just happen to know that’s not me. It’s not what I want in my life and I’m not going to hold people back or make them regret being with me because of the way I am. A hard fucking man to live with.
I head inside his house without knocking; I never do. Bronwan is the first one I see and she glares at me. I’ve never seen her look at me with so much damn hate. So much anger. Maybe I shouldn’t have come here to see Brent and call Boxer’s phone so Kelsey can see her son. Someone else could have come here. Bronwan can be scary when she’s pissed off and I’m man enough to admit it.
“When are you gonna pull your head outta your fucking ass, Death? That woman would give you the whole fucking world and you make her feel as if she’s less than nothing. I know you don’t want an ol’ lady and shit, but there’s no reason to treat her like a piece of shit either. Every damn time she has tears in her eyes, it’s because of you,” Bronwan yells at me and she places her hands on her hips as she glares at me.
“What are you talking about? You don’t even know the entire situation going on,” I tell her, not sure if right now is the time to get into everything. Though, I know Talon deserves to know he’s going to be an uncle.
“I’m talking about her being alone and lonely. We all know you fucked her at the wedding. Now, you treat her worse than the damn rebels and it’s fucking disgusting,” she informs me as Talon comes up to stand behind her with Brent in his arms with laughter filling his face.
“Look, do you wanna know what the fuck is goin’ on? I’ll tell you. I can also say now Kelsey already knows where I stand on the situation and what I’ll do for her,” I say, taking a deep breath as I look between my brother and sister-in-law. “The night I was with her at the weddin’? She’s pregnant. Kelsey is carryin’ my baby right now. She doesn’t even know if anythin’ happened to the baby durin’ the attack from Vince she just went through. What I do know is she wants to see her son and make sure he’s okay. The woman is freakin’ the fuck out and that’s all she wants. So, if it makes me a fuckin’ dick to do this for her, then so be it.”
“You’re gonna be a dad?” my brother asks me, confusion filling him as that’s the only thing he takes away from what I just said.
“Yes. Well, in the fact that I’m biologically the baby’s dad. I’m not goin’ to be there for the baby. I can’t. You know this and you know why. I’m not doin’ it. Kelsey knows I’ll support her financially and that’s all I can give her. I can’t be there for her or the baby.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? You knocked her up and told her you’d give her money but that’s it? How fucking kind of you,” Bronwan says, sarcasm filling her voice as she shakes her head at me.
Bronwan doesn’t hang around as she gives my brother a kiss before disappearing in the house somewhere. I won’t see her the rest of the time I’m here. It’s happened before and I’m sure it will happen again in the future. My sister-in-law doesn’t know my story and it’s not something I’m willing to tell just anyone. Granted, I know she’s not just anyone, but Bronwan does not need to know what happened to me to make me feel the way I do with everything.
“Man, I don’t even know what the fuck to say to that,” Talon finally says, adjusting Brent in his arms as Kelsey’s son holds on to my brother. “You bein’ a fuckin’ dad.”
“I can’t be a dad, Talon. You know what the fuck happened. Kelsey doesn’t know what happened, but I did tell her I can’t be there like that for her and the baby. I don’t even want an ol’ lady for the same damn reason. Why the fuck can’t this be happenin’ to someone else?” I groan out, not sure what the hell to do or think anymore.
“Because it didn’t happen with someone else. I know my opinion about Kels, but do you think she’s tryin’ to trap you?”
“No, she’s not. When I told her I’d support her financially but that was all I could give her, she basically told me to fuck off. Said she wasn’t gonna take any money from me for any reason. I know she plans on leavin’ here too. As soon as Jae is back at work, Kelsey will be gone. She doesn’t want me to have to live with a daily reminder about what happened. About me havin’ a kid I can’t be a dad to. I know Judge knows about the situation too. Though, Kels didn’t throw me under the bus when he confronted her. Said it was our business and what happened was between us. Basically only said she knew where I stood on the situation and wasn’t expectin’ any less,” I inform my brother as he stares at me thoughtfully.
“I know what you’ve been through. Also know you’re fuckin’ amazin’ with kids. I’ve seen you with my kids and they adore your grumpy ass. Imagine how it would be with your own kid. Bein’ there for every second of their life because you love them and will do anythin’ for them. I didn’t want it until I had it. Now, I can’t imagine my life without Bronwan and the kids. I’d die if they weren’t with me. I don’t believe you’re gonna be able to let them go when it comes time for her to leave. You won’t be able to have your kid out there when you don’t know where they are, if they’re okay, or anythin’ else,” Talon says as if he’s more than a few minutes to think on this situation.
