Page 28 of Fear and Desire

She glanced down at her breasts, sweaty and dust-covered, and closed her eyes while she struggled with the idea. “You’ll get someone who knows what he’s doing?”

“God, yes! I wouldn’t let any of these dirty slobs do it to any of the women!”

She nodded. “And…” she prompted, knowing there was more.

“I have to rape you, to break you.”

Her heart hammered and her breaths grew quick and short. Fear and desire both shot up from between her legs in a race to seize her mind. Fear won, but only barely.

“Dan?” she said in a small, scared voice. She didn’t have a question; she merely needed him to say something, anything, to reassure her.

But he still couldn’t look at her, though he tightened his arms around her waist. She took a large shuddering breath and pushed whatever it was she was feeling back into a corner of her mind, for now.

“I’m glad it’s going to be you, not Master 3,” she said. She forced conviction into her voice. “Dan, it’s not rape if I want you to do it. Iwantyou to take me and fuck me hard and hold me down and whatever else you have to do. Iwantyou to. It might look like rape, but it won’t be. That’s a promise I can make to you, no matter how harsh you have to be.”

He shook his head. “You can’t just say that. Don’t you know?—no, of course you don’t. BDSM was never something you were interested in. Not that this has anythingremotelyto do with that. There’snothingconsensual about this.” He looked old and tired, and it hurt that she was the reason for it. “At least someone in the lifestyle understands what a whip might feel like, or a cane, and might even have some coping techniques for getting through an intense session.”

“Like imagining I’m givingyoua blowjob when I’m really being face fucked by Master 3, who won’t let me eat until I finish him off?” He was staring at the ground, misery written across his face, and missed the small grin on her face.

“I’m sorry. That’s the sort of thing I have little control over if I want to keep the illusion going. I have to limit my intervention, and Josh’s, to the really big stuff.”

“I know. What surprised me was how worked up I got imagining it was you.”

Now he stared at her. “Really?”

At her affirmative nod, he smiled wistfully. “I wish it had been me, too,” he said, as he pulled her close again. But he was still tense.

“What else aren’t you telling me, Dan?”

He didn’t answer right away. “Nothing. That’s all.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

He was lying, but she could live with that for now. “Okay. Dan, let me ask you something. Areyougoing to be able to keep it up? I’ll get to cry and scream and beg, but you’ll have to pretend not to care. Can you do that?”

“I have to. If we want to get through this, I have to put on a damn good show.”

“And I’m going to have to pretend to hate you, and ignore the scathing hatred of the other women.”

“If this were a movie, they’d give us Oscars when we were done.”

“If this were a movie, the rescue would come right before the bad guy did anything terrible. Let’s hope the good guys are following the script.” She smiled wanly.

“We need to go back.”

“I know.”

Dan:

There were several things Dan had to do immediately. It was with a sense of anger that he made the first call to arrange for a piercer.

“You better send a damn good one! If you guys fuck this up, I’ll slice your balls off, understand?” He hung up.

And it was with a sense of revulsion that he logged onto the computer for the second item. As he placed the order and made the arrangements, an idea hit him. He hoped to hell he wouldn’t need it, and nothing would make it right, but if the worst came to pass, it might help a little. He changed the order, hit ‘send’ and logged off.

17

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