Page 57 of Broken

"What's with the chips and soda?" I had to ask, still laughing, fuck, he was just as cute as when we were kids.

"Last time I knew, they were your favorites." I still loved them, but I didn't eat much junk food anymore. I kept that bit of information to myself.

"Thank you, Kai." I took the chips from him and led him toward the kitchen. I got two glasses out of the cabinet and filled them with ice and soda and poured the chips into a bowl. After we had our guilty pleasure snacks, the two of us settled in on the couch.

"Thank you Sin" His tone was soft and apologetic. Why did he need to be sorry? He didn't ruin everything, even when trying not to.

"For what?" I popped a crispy "O" shaped chip into my mouth.

"For letting me see my daughter, for letting me come here to see you tonight." The sincerity in his voice made the little cracks in my heart, those broken little pieces of me, break even more. I couldn't look him in the eyes, if I did, I would break down and cry.

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I popped more chips into my mouth and sipped at my cherry coke.

"Sinclair." Kai sighed my name and reached out for my free hand.

I put my glass on the coffee table and took a deep breath before looking at him.

"Kai, don't. Don't do this. You have every right to see Aine. I fucked up years ago, and I know it."

"Sin."

"No, don't. I need to say this while I can." I cleared my throat and continued. "I fucked up when I left town like I did. I fucked up when I chose not to tell you I was pregnant when you showed up at ASU. Shit, Kai. I fucked up every fucking day that I didn't tell you about her. But I don't regret my decision. I would not change any of it."

I let the tears fall freely. I was finally being one hundred percent honest with him, with myself. It fucking hurt, but it was a long time coming. "I'm broken, Kai. Don't you dare say I'm not?

"I left because I thought I was doing the best thing for you, and for Aine. It wasn't until today that I realized I made a mistake." I wiped my tears with the bottom of my tee shirt. Kai gave me a smile, knowing that was a childhood habit I obviously didn't grow out of.

"The reason I don't regret it is because that was the best thing for eighteen-year-old me, the last thing I ever did solely for me, and that I can never regret."

I was done speaking. When I looked into Kai's eyes, he had tears in them. Was he emotional for me, for my pain, or because I hurt him? I didn't get the chance to ask him because he softly pressed his lips to mine. The most gentle and caring kiss I ever received.

"I love you."

"You keep saying that Doctor Carter, I might just start believing it." I laughed.

"Then I'll tell you every chance I get." He laughed and we shared a little smile, the same words he spoke last night with me wrapped in his arms. It felt good, it felt right to be in his arms, to have Kai in my apartment, on my couch.

Kai and I sat and talked for hours. I showed him pictures, some from a box that I plan to someday put into a scrapbook, and some from my phone and laptop. All of them me and Aine over the years.

He asked about my pregnancy and Aines birth. I explained how difficult it was as a single mother to a new baby while going to college and working to support the two of us. At first, I thought he would be upset, but he just watched me and listened with what looked like pride on his face.

"Sin. You said we could change Aines last name, but is that what you want?" The question threw me off. I didn't expect him to bring that up tonight, and especially ask my feelings on something that is his by right.

"I... That's your right as her father." Thinking of all the things he could do, all the things I've kept him and Aine from scared me.

"Sinclair. You're her mother. You've been through everything with her from day one. Not me." He held my hands in his strong, firm hands. His doctor hands.

I opened my mouth to speak, and he stopped me. "No, Sin, I'm right. Yes, the circumstances were beyond my control, but if we are being honest, we've been friends since we were seven. I shouldn't have just let you push me away as I did.

"I should have continued to check on you. I should have been there more. For that, I'm sorry, my beautiful Sin. Let me be there now. For you and Aine."

Silent little sobs shook my body. Every time I let him in, he put a little bit of me back together. I wanted so much of what he offered. But everything comes with a price, even love.

"Kai. I just don't know."

Kai read me like a book. He always could. He pulled me into his arms, and I just cried. How did we end up like this? If you had told me a month ago, that I would be crying into Kai Carter's shirt, while sitting on the couch in my living room, I would have laughed hysterically.

"You're the first man to come into my apartment," I confessed, breathing deep as the tears dried up.

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