Page 6 of Broken

"Yeah, look, I know things weren't good between the two of you." His voice was hesitant and unsure. He probably felt as uncomfortable as I was. The last time I talked to Kai, I made it clear I wanted him to forget I existed.

"Honestly, I'm not interested in talking to her if that's what this call is for. I got past all that and moved on. Sorry." I interrupted, hoping to save him time.

He sighed and hesitated; "Kai. What is it?" My patience wore thin.

Kai cleared his throat and explained that he was calling as the attending physician of Lakewood Hospital in my hometown. He told me my mother died of complications with her liver.

None of what he said surprised me. Kai went to medical school after college. It had been his dream since we were little kids to be a doctor. Going back home and working at the hospital wasn't a surprise either.

The liver disease that killed my mother didn't surprise me either.

The only thing that surprised me was my reaction. The air left my lungs, and I fought to breathe. She was dead, gone. I needed to sit down, throw up, or both.

A heavy weight lifted from my shoulders, taking with it a tiny piece of my soul. I was happy yet heartbroken all at once.

The words Kai spoke barely registered as the truth of it all sank in. Tears hung on my bottom lashes, threatening to fall. The surrounding air grew thick and heavy. Suffocating darkness tried to escape, its goal to consume and drag me down into its depths.

I let out a breath as he explained that the papers needed my signature. Most of the paperwork I could deal with through email. There was also the matter of the house I grew up in. My childhood home, if you wanted to call it home. My parents did nothing to keep the place nice or clean. They always spent their money on drugs or booze.

I couldn't explain why I had a need to go home and settle things there. Lord knows Lakewood and all its demons was the last place I wanted to take Aine. But I needed to go. I told Kai he could expect me in a day or two and ended the call.

This was not how I planned to spend my vacation, but the darkness that was always chasing me loved to take all the joy out of my life.

After making sure Danielle and Aine would be fine for a few days without me, I left. It took more mental fortitude to prepare myself for this trip than I thought I needed.

I had two panic attacks before we left the zoo yesterday. At dinner last night, I sat Aine down and explained how she had a grandmother she never met who passed away. Then I apologized for keeping that from her for so long.

"Mom, everyone has grandparents somewhere." Aine rolled her eyes and laughed. "I don't think I missed out on anything." She wrapped her arms around my waist in a reassuring hug. She didn't seem phased by the revelation that I kept her maternal grandmother out of her life. It was a small blessing.

She surprised me every day with how mature and understanding she could be. Aine asked to stay with Danielle while I made the trip back home. She claimed staying behind would give her and Riley more time to hang out together. Relief washed over me, and my trip became a little less stressful. I hated to leave her for this time, but I refused to expose her to the hell I called my childhood.

Danielle took the week off work. She insisted a vacation and time by the pool was what she needed. She swore to me they wouldn't eat out every night, and she would help Aine cook dinner. I had little hope in that promise.

We spent the rest of the night, all three of us, on the couch of my tiny apartment. We watched old black-and-white movies from Frank Sinatra's Rat Pack days. Black and White's movies were our things. We always found comfort in old movies. When we were sick or sad, just had a bad day, we would pick an old black and white. Aine loved the actresses. She said she loved the movies because real beauty shone through without color.

So, in the early morning light, I made my way home for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. Twelve years to be exact. The day I graduated high school and left my life and my best friends behind.

I spent the majority of the morning in the bathroom sick to my stomach; I couldn't believe I was pregnant. I hoped, since the school year improved after Christmas, things would change for me. I wanted to do something right and make the people I loved happy. I was wrong. I was always wrong.

If my mother found out she'd insist I would ruin the child, that she would be a better parent. A monkey would be a better parent than Layla

Grant though.

The one thing she was always right about was that I ruined everything. I had a talent for destroying everything, a talent I would give anything to get rid of.

But I hoped if I left this place, I could leave that here with her. So, my plan was to leave. Leave my darkness and my ability to destroy everything I touch with my mother in this run-down dirty house she seemed to love so much. She could keep the ghosts, and the demons that hid in the dark corners and waited for their pound of flesh.

I already had my suitcase packed. The plan was to leave town right after

the ceremony. I got accepted into ASU and mailed my resume to every business around campus. I found a surprisingly cheap apartment. The only problem was that Mia and Kai would not be on board with this plan.

They couldn't know about the baby. I ruined everything with my single selfish act. I don't regret what I did. That was the happiest I'd been in my entire eighteen years on this planet.

I was the last person on earth who should have the responsibility of raising a child, but I would love this baby because they are the best parts of me, the parts not broken. This baby will be my reminder of the happiest time in my life, and maybe that'll be enough to protect them.

I checked my purse. My keys sat on top of two simple lavender envelopes. Letters to my two best friends. I hated the idea of leaving them behind, but I had to do what was best for them.

Mia planned to take classes here in town and work for her parents, and Kai had his whole life figured out before we ever went to high school. And he is following his dreams. I'm so proud of him. I know he is going to do well, and be an amazing doctor, and if I stick around, if I don't walk away, all their dreams, their plans will burn with me.

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