Page 42 of Broken

"I can't lose her again Mia. I just can't" Now, I cried, thankful that Mia and I had this conversation over the phone. I didn't want her to see me cry.

The last time she saw me cry was when Sin kicked me in the balls for calling her a bitch when we were thirteen. The first and last time I ever called any woman that.

When I went home and told my mother what happened, she looked at me and told me I deserved it, handed me a frozen bag of peas, and went back to finish preparing dinner.

"Well, I am your best friend too, remember? Even if we haven't been as close as we used to be. We will get your girl back." Mia promised and we hung up.

The funeral home called me the day after Sin left. Apparently, she forgot that her mother’s ashes would be ready, and she had been ignoring the director's calls. I apologized and gave him a half-assed explanation for Sin's cold shoulder. I told the funeral director that I would be picking up the ashes for her and delivering them to Southern California.

I checked in with Noah about the sale of the Grants house. He said that it was going well, but he was going to deduct the window repair from Sin's break-in a few nights before. I had completely forgotten about the small broken window that Sin left the night she found the letters.

I spoke to a couple of doctors I worked with at the hospital, and they agreed to split my shifts at the family practice and see my patients so I could take some time off to figure things out with Sinclair.

I’d been texting Sin the entire time. Begging her to answer me. Explain to me what I did to push her away.

That night, at dinner with my brothers and my mother, I told them I was taking a trip for a few days.

“Are you going to try to win Sin's heart, little brother?” Noah teased. He had tried to call too. He wanted to talk to her about the house, he had a buyer and needed her to accept the offer so he could start the paperwork.

“I have no clue what you’re referring to. I’m just taking her mother’s ashes to her.” I smirked. If Noah wanted to keep his intentions with Mia a secret, I wasn’t about to tell him all about my feelings for Sin.

Not like I hid them or anything, I just wasn’t ready to share them with the world.

“You should just flush them down the toilet. She deserves nothing less.” Callum, who had been mostly quiet all evening, chimed in. He had always hated Layla and Howard Grant, and didn’t bother to hide it when they were alive, so why should he bite his tongue now?

“Callum. Regardless of the circumstances, Layla Grant was Sinclair’s mother, and it’s her choice as to which toilet she flushes her mother’s ashes down.” My kindhearted, loving mother surprised us all by her obvious disdain for Sins' late mother.

We all laughed as mom went right back to her food, as though her comment were an everyday polite conversation. They had all grown to love Sin in their own way over the years. My mother had become especially protective of her after the first time her father went to prison.

Mom had always set a place at the dinner table for Sin, except on the nights she was at Mia's. But it was the night she set fire to her front lawn that mom always made sure Sin had a place to sleep when she needed to get away from her mother’s house. Sin was as much a member of this family as any of us boys were. I needed her to see that as clearly as we did.

twenty-two

Sinclair

Ifinallyleftmylife in Lakewood, behind. I had no intentions of going back and I severed all connections to my past. There was nothing there for me. Coming to this realization gave me a sense of enlightenment. A part of me always wondered about going back, what would happen, and how would my relationships be with my old friends. I got my answers, and I could put the past behind me.

I was glad to be home. I missed my girl and my friend. I love Mia, she'll forever be my best friend, my sister, but Dani is my grown-up self's best friend. She's the one who has been through the hard parts of raising my daughter with me. She’s the one who held down the fort when I went on my trip to cut ties with my past because that's basically what I did.

There were still three weeks left of vacation, so Aine and I decided to go out of town for a few days. I took her to San Diego. We went to Seaport Village and shopped, went to La Jolla to see the seals and sea lions sunbathing on the beach. We also braved the walk down the cave steps to the Sunny Jim cave. We had a lot of fun, just the two of us. I didn't know why I thought our life would be better with Kai or anyone else in it.

I wasn't thinking, I was fucking, and letting my vagina do the thinking for me. Never again. My system, the one where I'd hook up occasionally, worked best for me. My system kept Aine and me safe from my past and the darkness that will never leave me.

It was late Friday night when we got home. I left my cell at home. Danielle understood I needed to disconnect from the world, and she knew the hotel we checked into in case of an emergency. She didn't call, so I figured everything at home was fine.

My past didn't want to let me go. I missed calls and texts from Kai. He even had Mia and Noah calling and texting me at one point. I received a very angry-sounding text from Tess threatening to murder someone if they didn't stop freaking out over my radio silence.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. I needed to call Mia and assure her everything was fine, although I didn't understand her new level of freak out when I didn't respond immediately. Before a week ago, we had only written once a year, so what was the problem?

I called Tess. She seemed like the one person in town who was mostly sane.

"About fucking time. You don't get to fucking disappear again, remember?" Tess greeted me when she answered the call.

Tess was the right one to call. She took no shit, not from me or anyone, I fucking loved that about her.

"Yes, I'm alive. Tell your sister everything is fine." I rolled my eyes; I swear I wondered if Mia thought I was going to disappear since I left

Lakewood. "Tell her the kiddo and I took a girls' trip before I go back to work."

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