Page 36 of Broken

"Thank you," I spoke to no one and everyone at the same time. I looked up at each one of my friends, and my family, the love and patience on their faces. I needed to come clean with everything, but I just didn’t know how.

I picked up one of the journals that my mother kept throughout my childhood and tossed it into the flames. I thought at first, I would feel something destroying the journals, but I didn't. No pain or loss, no sadness or anger. There was nothing in her words anymore.

I tossed another journal in and another. I kept going. Not saying a thing, not feeling anything but the heat of the fire over my face, until I held the last journal in my hand. The last one she wrote in. It was about her recovery, the ups, and downs. The times she fell and had to pick herself up again.

I stretched my arm toward the firepit and started to toss it in, but something changed in me. "Kai, keep this one. Donate it to the rehab facility. Maybe Layla's struggles will help someone else one day." I handed him the journal and stared into the flames silently as they turned the others into embers in the fire.

I read her letters one more time, then tossed those into the fire with the journals. It felt good to let her go this way, to say goodbye to my past. A baptism of fire in a sense. I was throwing myself, well a symbol of my past, into the flames, and I would walk out reborn. A new person, not haunted by demons and ghosts, no longer chased by an all-consuming darkness.

nineteen

Sinclair

Afterthejournalsburned,we reconnected, laughed, and told stories. I listened to how Tess convinced Mia to be her practice dummy throughout beauty school, and how Mia lived for almost six months with the most atrocious haircut until it grew out enough for Tess to fix.

I told them about Danielle and her many conquests. I told them how less than a week ago she convinced me to drink tequila with her and we went to the zoo hung over the next day. I skipped the part where Kai called to tell me about my mother's death in the middle of feeding giraffes.

We talked for hours until a slightly drunk Tess decided to stand up and change the subject.

"I have to fucking know." Tess declared to anyone within hearing distance. "What the fuck is going on between you two?" All eyes honed in on Mia and Noah, whose chairs sat a little too close for just friends.

I looked at Kai, who sat on the opposite side of Callum, and he gave me a half smile and a wink. I fucking love that wink. I laughed so hard I spilled my beer all over my lap, creating a distraction for my best friend and the secret between her and Noah.

"I, uh think it's getting late." I declared and started gathering empty bottles to take to the kitchen. Mia quickly followed behind me, cleaning up as we walked.

"Thanks, babes" she whispered nudging me with her shoulder.

The two of us cleaned the kitchen and put away any leftovers. Mia went to her car to check for a spare pair of pants when Kai came up behind me. He ran his finger from the nape of my neck down my spine. "Stay with me tonight, please." Soft, husky, and filled with promises of amazing sex if I stayed.

"They'll think somethings going on between us if I do." I wasn't going to be a secret tryst on a random weekend for Kai. If we did this, we were doing it all the way, one hundred percent. Besides, staying would give me the chance to talk to him.

"Are you okay with that? With us?" Was there an us? Would there be an us after we talked?

I nodded. I guess if I was going to find out what kind of future we had, it was now or never. Kai smiled like a little boy who just got a new bike, or puppy, or whatever little boys loved. So much like Aines smile.

A part of me felt like things were moving too fast, how did I get here, in Kais's house? Why did I agree to stay the night with him? Sure, he was one of my two best friends, and his brothers were like brothers to me.

Okay, maybe we had a history together, and a lot, I mean A Lot of unresolved issues. But what the fuck did I think would happen if I spent the night, in the middle of nowhere with him?

I would burn for this. No matter what happened tonight, no matter how amazing our time together would be, I had a bad feeling. I needed to go. I needed to go back to my hotel, sleep, and talk to Kai in the morning.

The downfall to your friends knowing you well is Kai knew I wanted to run.

I walked towards the door with Mia and Tess when Kai grabbed my hand.

"Please Sin, you said you'd stay. We need to talk."

"He's right." Callum chimed in, walking past us and out the front door.

"Thanks, Cal. " I called after him. All I got in response was a blown kiss and a smile.

Kai put his hand against the front door closing it behind me. My back was against the door, and nowhere to go, all I could do was look into those blue eyes that promise so many things. The same blue eyes that made me want a real life, a real family.

"Kai." I breathed. I couldn't think past his name. My brain was a jumbled mess of things I needed to say, things I should say, and the things I'd rather do with my mouth.

Like kissing him, I wanted to drag my tongue from his mouth down his exquisite torso, I wanted to wrap my lips around his perfect cock, and suck until my jaw ached.

"You should probably get out of those pants and let me wash them," Kai whispered into my ear, laughing at my shock and mortification. Did he know what I was thinking? What the fuck was wrong with me for even thinking it? I stayed so we could talk, not fuck. Well, I mean if we fuck that's a bonus, but I need to think with my head, not my lady boner for fucks sake.

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