Page 33 of Broken

"Sinclair. I meant every word. I love your crazy ass. Lawn fires, shitty letters, and years of running away, I love every bit of you. I love your darkness, and I love that little bit of light you keep hidden away."

Okay, I was crying. Large ugly tears with globs of snot that threatened to run down my nose. I wasn't sure if it was the emotionally charged morning, or something else, but it felt really fucking good to cry.

Kai kissed the palm of my hand that he had been holding the entire time. He smiled against my skin as I cried. I needed this cry, and he was here, with me, not trying to make me stop, no attempt to soothe me and hold me through my sobs. He knew me so well; I just needed to fucking cry. And that's what I did.

"There's so much you don't know though," I told him taking a breath once I finally ran out of tears.

"Baby, it's been twelve years. We have shit to work through. Shit to talk about, and we will get there." His words were soothing and encouraging.

I all but launched myself across the car into his lap, smashing my lips against his in a desperate kiss.

Since everyone was busy with their own lives, I asked about his mother before he left, mentioning how I’d love to visit her.

Kai's mother still lived in the same house he grew up in. She’d been alone in the house since her husband died a couple of years ago. Kai told me he had planned to sleep there last night, as he does occasionally. That's how he got to my mother’s house so quickly.

None of the boys liked her living alone. Cal moved back home right after their father died, but he was so busy with his bar, it was hard for him to be home every night. So, Kai and Noah took turns once a month staying home with her. I wouldn't have expected any less from the boys, their family had always been close.

Kai assured me that she would be thrilled if I stopped by, but his encouragement didn't settle my nerves at all. No, he made me more nervous. I realized, I didn't just leave behind friends who cared, I left behind a family who loved me.

Mia's parents were the parents I never had, and Dr. and Mrs. Carter were always there to help clean up the mess I called life back then. I didn't have to ask anyone to know Id hurt them when I left as much as I hurt my two best friends.

"Sinclair. I wondered when you would come." Mrs. Carter wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug and welcomed me in. She hadn't changed one bit. Still the petite, beautiful woman with the same dark hair as all three of her sons. Her eyes were a warm brown compared to their cool blue.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me with how I left," I explained to her. I was done beating around bushes, and avoiding the subject with people, especially Mrs. Carter. "Everyone else has been so angry with me. I definitely deserved it."

"Well, Michael and I figured you had your reasons for running away. Lord knows those parents of yours gave you many of them before you actually left."

We sat on the couch in her family room. The same room that would hold all six of us when we included Callum and Tess, seven if Adam counted. I sighed at the thought. The memories still hurt. They always hurt. I pushed them down until this weekend.

Mrs. Carter and I spent the afternoon catching up. I told her about college, and my time in Arizona. She told me about Dr. Carter and how he passed from a heart attack unexpectedly. She told me that he kept tabs on me through Mia. He was always worried about me, but he never told his boys he kept tabs on me. He was the only one I talked to about my pregnancy.

" I named her Aine. Aine Ophelia Grant." The smile on her face, coupled with the tears that threatened to escape the cage of her long lashes, confirmed for me that she knew why I gave her that name.

"Will you show me pictures of my granddaughter?" It was the first time the words had ever been spoken aloud. The first time I let the thought cross my mind.

I pulled out my phone and flipped through all the pictures I took over the years. At one point, she took the phone from me and swiped the screen every few minutes. a tear escaping their prison every so often.

Once she got to the end of the folder, she handed me my phone, wiped her cheek, and hugged me.

"Thank you. I understand this was hard for you. I have to ask though." She held my trembling hands in hers. " Does her father know? Because I intend to be an active part in my grandchild's life." I heard no judgment in her tone, only confidence and the love of a grandmother for her granddaughter.

We talked for a while about everything from my job and my life in Palm Springs to how none of her boys would let her live alone and how crazy they made her. They were protective of their mother. She loved them, but she was ready for them to leave the nest. Even though both Noah and Kai had their own houses in town.

I didn't think about Kai having his own house until now. I wondered what his house was like. Did he decorate it minimally? Did he have a game room or a man cave? Was he going to invite me over before I left town? Was it a home, or a place to rest his head after a long day's work? "It was nice to see you again, Mrs. Carter." I hugged her goodbye.

"Again, I'm so sorry for everything."

"Sweetheart, it's okay. I'm just glad you came home. Even if it is for a few days. Please keep in touch and let me meet my granddaughter." Talking about my Aine brought a big bright smile to her face. "And please, call me Aine. No matter what, we are family now."

She kissed my cheek, and I left her waving me off from her porch. I drove past my mother's empty house, the ghosts and demons hiding in its shadows no longer bothered me. I wasn't sure if it was coming home or facing my own demons, but I could feel those parts of me finally begin to heal.

eighteen

Sinclair

Ipulledintotheparking space in front of my hotel room and noticed a car parked next to my spot. Mia and Tess were sitting in her car waiting for me to return. If I was being honest with myself, I figured they'd realized I wasn't worth the trouble. I wasn't worth fighting for. A small part of me wished they felt that way. Up until this weekend, I felt the same way about myself. I kept going, being the best, I could be for my daughter.

I needed her to have the best in life, the best examples, and the best home life I could give her. Sometimes that meant fighting and going on when I didn't want to. Back in the early days, when she was a baby, moving forward was hard. I would wake up some mornings, wishing I didn't wake up.

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