Page 57 of My Dark Mate

Not wanting to think anymore because I was so overthinking, I concentrated on the feel of him inside me, the smells, the sounds, and the way Caleb kissed me almost frantically, sucking the air from my lungs. It was too good, and I felt myself go off again, my body tensing, bowing, shattering in waves that sucked on him until he tensed and let go, filling me.

We were both panting as he slumped to the side, and though I wanted to stay right there and wallow in the glow, I forced myself to get up and slide from the bed.

“Ren?” Caleb huffed, frowning when I grabbed his shirt and pulled it on. “Baby, what are you doing?”

“Getting dressed, what does it look like?” I huffed, buying myself time by gathering my clothes up.

When he grumbled, getting up to glower at me, I felt a curl of glory fill me. Take that, Caleb Chase. See how it feels to be fucked and walked out on.

“Now, don’t get upset. You don’t need to be getting upset and stressed out.” Caleb grumbled, looking nervous when I whipped around and glared at him. I almost relented.

Almost. Until I remembered all the times, he'd rejected me and left when I was in heat. The way he always left, going to work just to get away from me. Rat-bastard asshole, I thought, torn between anger and relief that he came to get me. Swear to God, it was really difficult to stay angry when he was so cute and uncertain, and dammit, I missed him.

I loved him growly and grumpy as much as I loved his smiles and laughter. I missed it all, and I couldn’t forget what Grammy said, either.

“Upset? You think this only upsets me?” I asked, stomping past him to pace in front of the cold hearth. “What upsets me is that I’m mated to a man who doesn’t want me, Caleb. What upsets me is that I nearly died, and I never got any of the things I’d dreamed about because you, you stubborn, stupid man, refuse to see what’s right in front of you. You keep running away from me, thinking I want the world from you, but all I want is this!”

I yelled now, waving between us to emphasize it.

“I’m not some big city girl who needs to be looked after, so if you’re standing there thinking that’s me, you’re wrong. I just, all I wanted was love and a family. That’s it.” I whispered, laughing darkly. “That’s all. I lost one baby. Lost myself with Shane and then nearly lost my life when people accused me of killing him, and you know what I did? I kept my chin up and my smile on, and I never once gave up.”

“Ren, baby, don’t—”

“Until you,” I whispered, chewing my lip to keep from crying because as amusing as he could be and as lighthearted as I want to be about things, it still hurt.

We were fated, and we had to stay together, so I was standing here saying I wasn't happy to be here. I just, would like to be loved, eventually, for me. Sure we were friends, and Caleb could be so nice sometimes, but I wasn't foolish enough to assume he loved me. I didn’t see how he could, to be honest.

“Oh Ren, honey, I…” Caleb groaned, flopping to sit on the end of the bed.

He looked like hell. He was clean, at least, which was a step up from yesterday when I saw him hiding in the bushes watching me, and just like that, I wanted to giggle because that was so sweet. Trey called it creepy, but I thought it was sweet that he was out there ‘protecting me,’ as Cole informed me after he spoke to Caleb.

“I know I’m not, her. I’ve seen her in town, and she’s gorgeous.” I murmured, fluttering my hand around with a nervous laugh. “But she’s snooty. I don’t know how you…, but that isn’t my business, and I won’t make you talk about it to make me feel better. I just wanted to say, I’m me, and I’m happy to be me, and if you can’t love that, well, then it’s your loss.”

“Ren, no! Don’t say that. I don’t think that.” Caleb yelled, bursting to his feet to pace before he turned suddenly and grabbed me, his eyes intense. “Of course, I like you as you are. You’re wonderful. Gorgeous and funny and so freaking smart. You know how to make nearly every dish, you bake, you can knit and quilt and clean a gun, and you make the best fucking peach pie I’ve ever tasted. Don’t ever think you have to compete with anyone, sweetheart.”

“Well, I don’t, but it’s nice to hear.” I huffed, my mouth twitching when he narrowed his eyes at me and frowned. “It would also be nice to hear something more. I know you’re all crazy messed up and stuff, but who isn’t? But I’m not just a cook and maid service and your fuck buddy, you know! I have feelings.”

“I know that.” He muttered, running a hand through his beard.

“Then you should know that I am done with whatever this is. If you want sex, fine, we’ll do sex, but I am not participating in some sham mating to make you happy. I’m going to be stronger and think about me.”

“Sex?” Caleb growled, his eyes narrowing to slit when I nodded.

He rose, a growl leaving him, and started yelling at me in such a Caleb way I nearly laughed.

“Sex! Do you think this is only about sex? This hasn’t been about fucking sex since the moment you let me taste the sweet heaven between your legs, and you know it. You trapped me, looking so innocent, but I know your game, Ren Chase, and Goddammit, I’m on the team. You and me, together!”

“Oh, please—”

“You think this is easy for me, huh, falling in love after the fiasco my mating was? Failure fucking kills me, Ren, and yet in you waltzed, perfect as hell, and you never stopped. You didn’t stop until I woke up again and started feeling, and now you want to walk away or worse, use me for sex? Well, I won’t let you because this means something. It means everything. You are everything.” He muttered, his shoulders heaving while I glared at him silently.

“None of this is easy, but I’m trying, and Goddammit, so will you. You will not give up on me, you will not get mad when I get gloomy and sulky, and you will keep being exactly who you are because that bubbly, crazy person is who I love. I don’t care if things get hard. Life is supposed to be hard sometimes. Love is hard.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want it to be.” I sniffed, hope unfurling because did he just yell at me that he loved me!

Suppressing a squeal of delight because I’m a girl, and that counts as an, I love you, I allowed myself to soften a little and take in his agitation. Besides, I had a bear and wolf that now live inside me to contend with, and they were both rather unimpressed with me the longer I made Caleb suffer.

Girl, these bozos are driving me crazy, my mind huffed while my wolf purred, snuggling up to his wolf as if the thing was the bee's knees.

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