Page 77 of Grump's Nanny

“Of course I did,” I said with confusion. “Did you think I left you to live with Grandpa forever?”

“Ben did,” Leann said, climbing in and buckling her seatbelt. “He said you and Haley went to go make a new family.”

“I did not,” Ben said angrily. “That was you, Leann.”

Of course it was. My brilliant little girl and her perceptive nature. “I would never, ever leave you,” I said, not addressing the mention of Haley or any new family at all. “You are my babies and I will love you always.”

“I’m not a baby,” Ben said. “I’m seven now.”

His earnest face made me laugh for the first time in days as I looked up at him in the rearview mirror. “True,” I said, playing into his point. “I guess you’re old enough to go out and get a job and everything.”

“No, I’m not, Daddy. I’m still just a kid.”

“Oh…” I said with mock realization. “Well, then as a kid I think we should take you for ice cream.”

“Ice cream!” all three kids shouted in unison.

“Inside voices please,” I said with a chuckle. God, they were so refreshing, even if they were a little noisy.

“Ice cream,” whispered Ben.

We drove across town to this little family-owned ice cream shop and each kid got a scoop of their favorite flavor. For Leann it was chocolate. For Ben, Bubblegum. For Katie, it was pistachio, which would never fail to boggle my mind. She was a weird little girl and it was wonderful.

We sat outside chatting away about their school life and what their friends were doing for their birthdays. Leann told me about the kid whose mom had cancer and how much it had hurt her feelings.

“Lee,” I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We should be happy for other people, not angry at them. Wouldn’t you be happy if it had gone differently for your mom?”

“I’ll never know, will I?” she asked with a scowl.

I couldn’t exactly refute that, so instead, I placed a kiss on top of her red hair.

“Was Momma nice?” Katie said. The poor girl had been so little.

“The nicest,” I said. “Your mom was so pretty and kind. And she had a really good singing voice.”

“I wish I had met her,” Katie said sadly.

“You did,” I said to her, patting her on the head. “And she will always be with you in your heart, you know.”

This was the first time I was having a conversation like this with the kids and it was a lot harder than I expected. How could I ever explain to Katie that she wouldn’t know the mom who gave her life but that her mom loved her? How could I prove to Leann that Jane would have wanted her to be pleased for the little boy instead of jealous?

“I think Mom is a fart,” Ben said.

“Excuse me?” I said, laughing.

“Yeah,” he replied, nodding. “Mom became a ghost and ghosts are air. Farts are air too so I think Mom must be a fart ’cause you always say she made people laugh and farts make me laugh.”

I laughed so hard I started to cry, and once I started crying, I couldn’t stop.

I put my head in my hands to try and shield the kids from the reality that dads cried, too, but my perceptive little Lee put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.

“It’s okay, Daddy. We will get through this.”

Sometimes people talk about being old souls, and I wasn’t sure if that is true, but if it was, Leann would be one of them. She was brilliant with reading people and she always seemed to know exactly what to say whether you wanted to hear it or not.

I felt two more little sets of arms hug me and I reached out my arms to pull all my kids into a tight hug. “Thanks, guys,” I said, kissing each one of them on the hair. “You’re the best.”

“What are farts for?” Ben asked, shrugging.

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