Page 71 of Told You So
“This is Mike, all over again,” he grumbles. “I’m not doing this with you again.”
The color drains from my face, and my heart skips a few beats. “Nick is nothing like Mike,” I tell him. “You don’t even know him.”
“No, and I don’t need to. You barely graduated high school with Mike whispering in your ear. Now, so close to graduation, you and your boyfriend—”
“His name is Nick, and he’s not my boy—”
“—are spending a lot of time together.”
“Yes, that’s what partners do,” I bite out. “They spend time together, they work. Nick and I happen to be friends, too. And he likes to be around Jesse.”
“And sleepovers, how do they fit into the project—excuse me, the friendship?”
“You have all of thissowrong,” I growl with disdain. I’m tired of him always assuming the worst. Bored with having this same conversation over and over, I turn to leave. “I’m done talking about this.”
“Don’t do something you’ll regret, Bethany.”
“You don’t know anything about me or Nick,” I snap and look back at him, eyes narrowed and a thousand curses desperate to pass my lips. “If you want me to graduate, stay out of my business.”
Surprisingly, he doesn’t say anything else as he watches me walk away, silently fuming. When I notice my mom standing by the couch, her arms crossed, eyeing me like I’ve done something wrong, I can’t resist. “Don’t even start with me,” I say and head upstairs.
I’m relieved to hear the shower water running and Jesse inside as I slam my bedroom door shut.
I only remove my dirty pants before I collapse on my bed with tears in my eyes. Why does this all have to be so hard? Once again, the constant conundrum of an apartment or grad school overwhelms me and I know I have to make a decision—I have to come up with a plan.
My phone buzzes in my pants pocket on the floor, and I scramble for it. When I see Nick’s name on the screen, my chest aches a little under the weight of it all—of seeing his name and the relief I feel and what it all means. I force myself to answer. “Hello?”
“Hey, how are you feeling? Sore yet?” He laughs on the other end of the line, and I wish I could, too.
“Ah, yeah, a little. Now’s not really a good time, Nick.” The backs of my eyes begin to sting. I hate that I let my dad get to me, but he’s like poison, bleeding in.
He’s quiet for a heartbeat. “Are you okay?”
His sincerity and concern makes it difficult to breathe, but I force my vocal chords to work. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
There’s movement on the other end of the phone. “Jesse forgot his jacket, I just thought you should know.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks.” I can barely manage the words as I let out a suffocating breath. “I’ll get it later.”
“Hey, I know you said you were going to work on our summary tomorrow, but—do you want to do something fun?”
“Something fun?” I ask, wiping the moisture from beneath my eyes. All I can think about is the look of censure on my dad’s face at the idea.
“Yeah, the gang wants to go to the beach tomorrow. What do you say? Feel like acting your age for a day?”
I nod, eyes blurred with tears. “Yeah, actually, that would be really great.”
Thirty-Six
Bethany’s Journal
April 21st
I’m not sure why I keep trying to please people who will never be happy. I’m tired of having to explain myself. I’m tired of their assumptions. Sometimes I feel like my parentsdonedon’t care much about me one way or the other. But, if that’s true, why do they micromanage my life so much? How can they not see that they’re pushing me away, or is it that they don’t care? I don’t even think their anger with me is about grades anymore. Not really, anyway. It’s about how far I’ve somehow fallen in their eyes, and how I’ll never live up to what they want.
Leaving seems like the only thing to do, and I know I would be happier, even if I’d hate being away from Jesse. But, I have to get out ofherhere, and that’s what I plan to do, after I take the GRE. If I can wait that long. –B
Thirty-Seven
