Page 47 of Told You So
His kiss is entrancing, casting a spell over me, and I can’t keep my eyes open. A weightlessness, that feels a lot like relief, floods my senses and I kiss him back.
Despite my racing heartbeat, any apprehension I have fades when his palm cradles my cheek, warm and strong and surprisingly soft. My mind melts along with my body, becoming a malleable heap beside him to do with as he wills.Thisis right. This is perfection. Our muddled history dissolves to nothing. He pulls me closer, kissing me more deeply.
I’ve never felt so calm and ravenous at once, but I know I want more from him than I should. I’m overreaching. I’m setting myself up for disappointment and something too closely resembling another heartache. I can feel it as I let him in.
My hair falls in a veil over us as I lean closer, letting him consume me. All that exists in the room with us is a burning need and the crackle of the fire. I grab hold of his biceps and urge him even closer, down and over the top of me. I want to feel his warmth and weight against my body.
Our chests heave together, and I run my hands through his hair. His groan makes my fingers greedy and my body hum. I want to feel him alive and virile and like he’s mine, just for a little while.
“Wait, what are we doing?” he rasps against my mouth, then pulls away. Nick leans back against the cushion. He scrubs his hand over his face, and his chest rises and falls as he tries to catch his breath. “This is a bad idea.”
My lusty haze diminishes, and the warning signs I’ve been ignoring begin to flash again. The warmth of the room becomes a cold vacuum, assaulting my exposed skin. The burn of rejection and my erratically racing heart feels too much like I’ve lost control, and I can’t allow that right now. There’s too much at stake—it’s too similar to shadows of my past.
I shake my head and rake my fingers through my hair. “You’re right,” I breathe. “That was the stupidest thing we could’ve done.” I rest my elbows on my thighs and let out a deep breath.
Nick leans forward as well. “I don’t know about the stupidest, but—”
“I’m gonna go,” I say quickly and hurry to my feet. I start shoving all my notes and the project materials into my bag, no rhyme or reason to any of it.
“Hey, wait.” Nick reaches for my arm. “Don’t go yet.”
I laugh desperately. “Why not, we’re clearly done working.”
“Because,” he says, peering up at me, his green eyes shimmering in the flickering firelight. “We have to make whatever this is between us work. Don’t run away and make it weirder and more complicated than it already is.” He runs his thumb over my arm, a reassuring gesture that only makes staying more difficult.
I pull my arm away. “You’re right, things are definitely weird and complicated, but my staying won’t change that, Nick,” I admit. “It was an impulsive kiss, probably something we needed to get out of our system. But, itislate and I need to get home. We have class tomorrow.”
“I think you know it’s more than just an impulsive kiss.”
“Whatever it was, you were right.” I haul my bag strap over my shoulder. I’m not going to get mixed up with Nick, not now when I have enough to deal with. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You know what I mean.”
Nick shakes his head. “Why do you think it’s like this with us?” he asks, eyes fixed on my arm where he held it. “Being drawn together only for you to push me away.” Finally, his gaze shifts to me, expectant.
“Push you away? You make it sound like I’m playing games with you all the time or something. You ended that kiss, Nick, not me. And I need to focus on graduation right now. I can’t keep falling into this trap.” I know Nick isn’t Mike, but the risk with Nick is even greater, I know it, deep down in my bones, and Icannotdo that again. “I have more to lose this time,” I remind myself.
Nick’s expression hardens. “We already discussed this. You make a lot of assumptions about me—I’m not like Mike.”
“I’m not saying you are but—” I turn to face him fully, my patience thinning. “What is this between us, Nick?”
“I don’t know. I wish I did, so that it would stop haunting me.”
“Exactly. We’re not ready for this, not right now.”
“Speak for yourself,” he bites out. “I think we should see what happens.”
“What—why? In what world isusa good idea?” His friends don’t like me, I barely like them, and Nick knows next to nothing about me. Then there’s Savannah who’s “not” his girlfriend.
“What’s the alternative, ignoring whatever this tension is between us?”
“We’ve been doing it for this long,” I say with what patience and willpower I have left.
“Yeah, and look where it’s gotten us.” His gaze is fixed on me, pinning me in place and willing me to see his point of view, and I do, which is why I know anything more between us is a risk.
“Fine, then.I’mnot ready for this. I don’t have room in my life for the outcome of asee-what-happensrelationship.”
