Page 41 of Told You So
Finally, I look at him, into his hazel eyes, and see his kindness and his worry. “Sure.” I reach for the door handle. “Thanks, Nick.”
“I hope it all works out,” he says. “For Jesse’s sake.”
“Me too,” I mutter, and shut the door behind me.
When I get home, I drop my bags at the door. The living room is empty, and I hear commotion in Jesse’s room. He’s gone from hysterical to angry, but my mind is only on one thing. My feet move so fast, I’m in my mom’s office in the den before I can think of a strategic approach to the situation.
Morning light filters in through the large windows, and the strands of gray in her perfectly combed, blonde hair shimmer in the sunlight. Her glasses rest on the bridge of her nose as she stares down at the invoices spread across her desk, and she doesn’t bother to notice me.
Eventually, when she’s tired of me hovering, she peers up over her Neiman Marcus frames. “I thought you had a project to work on?”
“I did, until I got a hysterical call from Jesse. What the hell is Dad thinking? Are you seriously pulling him out of Sunset?”
“Your father wants to.”
“And you’re letting him?” I nearly screech. “Jesse’shappythere, or doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Hey!” she shouts. “Of course it matters to me, and watch how you speak to me.” She splays her hands over her desk. “I won’t let your dad him take him out of program. Calm down.”
“Have you told Jesse that? He’s in tears.”
“No, I haven’t. He’s destroying his Lego jungle by now. He won’t listen to me.”
“So, you just let him spiral?”
“Just because I don’t coddle him like you do, doesn’t mean I don’t care. And, don’t forget for one second thatI’mhis mother, Bethany. Not you. You don’t always know what’s best for him, despite what you may think.” She leans forward. “Maybe if you spent more time worrying about yourself and your extra-circularactivities,” she snaps, “your grades would be better, and I wouldn’t have to put outthatfire as well.”
I grit my teeth, choosing my battle carefully. I know how much she hates my drinking and going out, but my free time is none of her business and I barely get any of it as it is. “If you’re Mother of the Year, then why do you let Dad treat him like that?”
“Treat Jesse like what? Jesse overhead us talking and had a tantrum. I’m not rewarding that kind of behavior.”
“Yeah? What about explaining it to him in a way he can understand, instead of letting him go down a black hole?”
She removes her glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose, like my very presence is an inconvenience. “Bethany—”
“You can’t do this right now, I know.” I throw my hands up.
“I have two accounts I need to close Monday. I’ll deal with your brother when he calms down.”
I don’t bother pointing out to her that if she spent half the time with Jesse that she spends on work, he might actually like her and be less defensive. Shaking my head, I turn to leave, but I only get a few steps before I force myself to turn around again. “You’ll push him away, just like you pushed me, and then you’ll have no one, like Dad.”
I stalk from her office and through the living room, up the stairs to Jesse’s bedroom. I might be reactive when it comes to my brother, but it’s better than indifference and allowing him to feel like more of an outsider than he already does.
“J?” I say, peeking my head inside his room.
“Go away,” he growls, but I know he doesn’t mean it. He’s crouched down beside his crumbled Lego world, angry.
He can try to push me away all he likes, but unlike my parents, I won’t let him. “No way. I came home to make sure you’re okay and that’s what I’m going to do. You called me, remember?” I step inside and take a seat on his bed. “Well, since you ruined your jungle, what are we going to work on tonight?”
“I don’t care.” His bottom lip pinches as he frantically puts the colored Lego pieces in piles. He’s more upset with himself now for ruining his masterpiece than at my parents.
“Mom will make sure you stay with your friends, J. You don’t have to worry about that, okay?”
“I don’t care.” He’s all movements and concentration. “Idon’t... care.” He spits out the words as he fusses over his piles, organizing the mess he’s made. It’s the only thing that will reel him back in—order in the chaos of his mind—so, I wait. I wait for his hands to stop fluttering over the mass of broken pieces and for his stimming sounds to cease. I wait for him to feel comfortable in his own skin again before I speak.
“If you don’t care, maybe we can make a boat this time, or a house, instead of a jungle.”
Jesse shakes his head and rests his chin on his knee, bent over the green Legos. He holds up a plastic palm frawn. “I want to make a jungle.”
