Page 1 of Told You So
Prologue
New Year’s Eve
Bethany
The night is dark, the road covered in snow, and my heart thumps in time with the blinker as Nick turns onto Main Street.
“Are you all right?” His voice is tentative and breaks the charged silence that hangs in the warm air blasting from the heater—it’s thick and almost smothering in my panic, but I can’t stop shaking. I don’t think it’s because of the cold, though.
“Not really,” I rasp. “It’s twelve degrees outside and my baby brother is out there.”Alone.
My mind races with unease, but my vision is still a little hazy from too much sparkling wine. I press my eyelids closed and take a deep breath. When I blink them open, I force the night surrounding us into focus. “This is all my fault.”
I peer out at the passing streetlights and each of my panicked breaths steam up the passenger side window. I knew I shouldn’t have gone out partying tonight—I knew something like this would happen. “I shouldn’t have left him.”
“Lefthim?” Nick grinds out. “Left him where? Jesus, Bethany. I know you like to party, but youlefthim—alone?” His voice is sharp and drips with judgement, more than I can stomach right now.
“No.” I laugh bitterly. “I didn’t leave him alone. You have no idea what you’re talking about, Nick.” I glare at him, staring into his wide, hazel eyes.
“I know enough,” he says caustically, a strand of brown hair falling into his face.
“Excuse me?” I have no idea what Nickthinkshe knows about me, but he’s clueless if it’s that I would ever put my brother in danger. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You knownothingabout me, no matter what you might think.” I shake my head, scoffing at my idiocy. “I confide in you when I’m like, twelve, and you think you have me and my life all figured out?” The words form and roll off my tongue too easily, and I’ve had too many drinks tonight to stop them. “You’re clueless, Nick, no matter what you and your perfect, preppy group of friends think. So just mind your own business.”
“Hey, I might be clueless, but I could’ve left you freaking out in the parking lot at Lick’s.” His anger is sobering, and he’s right. I have no idea what I would be doing right now if he hadn’t offered to help me.
Balling my purse strap in my hands, I force myself to calm down. The constant tug and pull between Nick and me is not something I can deal with right now. Unable to meet his eyes, I peer out the window, willing Jesse’s form to come into view.
“I told you I would help you, and I will,” Nick says, breaking the wounded silence. He rests his hand on mine. “I’m just—I’m really confused right now.” His eyes shift back to the road. “You have an AWOL brother, and I have no clue what happened,” he says more calmly, and his fingers squeeze mine reassuringly.
His touch makes me feel like I’m sixteen again. His hand is big and warm, and I can’t tear my gaze away from the way it wraps around mine. The last time he held my hand we were only kids, and even if I’m not as innocent, Nick still affects me the same way. Only, this time he smells of Old Spice and his voice is more commanding. Even now, after all these years and what’s transpired between us, I feel emboldened and want to confide in him again.
“Thank you for helping me,” I say and pull my hand away from his.
He looks at me askance. “You’re welcome, but you’re not very forthcoming with information, you know? You never have been.” It’s a light-hearted gibe that I appreciate in the tension, and I choke out a sad, pathetic laugh. All I remember from the day we first met are my tears and Nick’s infectious smile. It was comforting and pulled me in. It’s stuck with me ever since.
“I guess very little changes, despite the years,” I think aloud. “It’s exhausting, you know. Keeping it all in.”
“So, tell me what happened,” he urges.
“I don’t know what happened after I left, but I needed to get out of the house tonight. I should’ve stayed, I knew I should have, but I just...you don’t know what it’s like. It’s never enough, nothing iseverenough.” My voice is foreign to me, desperate like I haven’t heard it in a while, and I do everything I can to reel my frayed emotions back in and spare us both the humiliation of my impending breakdown. In spite of the alcohol in my blood and the fear clouding my mind, I have to keep it together long enough to find Jesse and get him home.
Running my fingers through my loose curls, I take a deep breath. Sweat still lingers on my skin from dancing in a drunken throng of handsy party-goers. “If I would’ve slept in just a little bit longer this morning,” I say under my breath, “none of this would’ve happened.” I would’ve missed my dad’s homecoming, as well as his disappointment, and I would’ve stayed home tonight with Jesse.
“He was supposed to be at home with my parents. I knew something was wrong when I had a missed call from my mom. My dad said something—he upset Jesse somehow. I know how it goes, even if I wasn’t there.” Shaking my head, I wonder if nothing will ever change. “I’d just stepped outside to listen to my mom’s message, when you walked out.” I eye the snow-covered sidewalks as we drive down Main Street. “I didn’t expect Jesse to have run away. Not in the middle of the night.” Not in the snow with nowhere to go.
“Are you sure he ran away?” Nick asks tentatively. “Maybe he went to a friend’s house.” The incredulity in his voice is both painstakingly sweet and maddeningly naïve. It’s just another reminder of how different Nick and I are.
“Jesse doesn’t have friends,” I explain. “Not really. He’s obsessed with movies, science, and he likes building things. He knows more pop culture trivia than anyone I know.” The awe in my voice seems to surprise him. “But, sometimes Jesse gets triggered and spirals, and he goes off on his own. It’s how he’s been acting out lately, and it’s scary as hell because an autistic eleven-year-old on his own, relatively high-functioning or not, is like a mouse running across a highway, everything is fast and scary, and...” My voice breaks off, and I glance at Nick. He’s frowning, staring out the windshield.
“He’s done this twice now, but he’s always gone to the ice cream shop down the street from my house. It’s familiar and safe. At this time of night—I have no idea where he would’ve gone.”
“Why isn’t your mom helping you look for him?” Nick almost spits out the words.
“She is,” I breathe. “I think. But she won’t find him. She doesn’t know him like I do.” It’s a sad, pathetic truth, but it’s the truth all the same. I brace my elbow on the door and watch the flurries of snow pass by the window.
“I feel like the police should be involved in this, Bethany. It’s freezing out, and if you don’t know where to look for him—”
“Let’s just check the park, and then I’ll call them, okay? Just—not yet.” I’m still living the aftermath of the last time I acted preemptively, and I’m not ready to get the authorities involved just yet. “Turn here,” I say, pointing to Beecham Street.
