Page 79 of Told You So
“Dangerous how, like you might actually be happy for once?”
She shakes her head. “You’ve got enough going on in your life, Nick. I don’t want to mess things up for you. I don’t want to risk this turning out badly and—”
“Bethany,” I say softly. “Why don’t you and everyone else stop worrying about me for a minute. What doyouwant? And it’s not about Jesse or your parents, either.”
Bethany’s eyes are gray embers that burn with something unspoken, and I will them to meet mine. If I could get her to look at me,reallylook at me, she might finally admit what’s going on in her head. “Hey,” I breathe, and take her hand in mine.
When her eyes shift to mine, they’re shimmering, and as she opens her mouth, I hold my breath. Hopeful. “I just want to get through this project.”
I watch the way her cheeks redden and her eyes shift over me. “That’s all?”
“Isn’t that enough, for now?”
I shake my head. “It’s beyond that for me, now,” I tell her simply. “No matter how much you deny this, you know it’s not going to just go away when we’re finished with this project. And, I don’t want it to.”
She pulls her hand from mine and shoves everything into her bag, every one of her neurotic tendencies forgotten. I want to be angry with her for pushing me away, but the pain in her eyes makes it difficult to grab hold of anything other than hope that what shetrulywants is stronger.
She hauls her bag up over her shoulder. This morning I was admiring the way she looked, standing in my apartment in her sundress. Now, I panic that she’s going to leave and might never come back.
“Don’t go.” It’s a plea and I hate how weak it makes me.
She walks over to the couch and picks up her beach bag. “I have to—”
“Bethany,” I say, stepping in front of her. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Please, Nick.” She looks everywhere but at me.
I study her trembling lip and can almost feel her reluctance like it’s my own. “Fine.” It takes all the willpower I have to step aside, knowing I have to respect whatever decision she makes, even if I hate it. “If you really want to go, I won’t stop you.”
She clears her throat. “Yeah, I do.” But she doesn’t move, and I can hear the wavering resolve in her voice that only needs to be swayed just a little.
“You like me,” I tell her. “Even if it’s complicated—I can feel it. I’ve always felt it, and so have you.” I take a step closer. “Screw the past. Screw Sam and everyone else. I’m not going to let you push me away anymore.”
“Oh, really?” she says dryly.
I cross my arms over my chest in answer. Her conviction is wavering, and I can’t help but allow a quirk of a smile. “If you really want me to play the bad guy so that you don’t have to admit to yourself you want to stay, I can.”
“And how’s that going to work, exactly?”
A dozen ways I might get her stay pop into my head. “I’ll force you.”
“Are you going to tie me up and hold me against my will?”
I grin. “I’d love to, actually.” I’m only partially joking.
She sighs and drops her hands by her sides. “Please stop, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Nope. It’s time we un-complicate this.”
“That’s impossible, Nick.”
“Why?” I step closer and take her beach bag from her hand.
“Because...I don’t want to get hurt.”
Though I assumed she was scared in some way, it’s hard to hear her say it’s because of me. “I won’t hurt you, Bethany,” I promise, and run my fingers over the strap of her purse and pull it off her shoulder.
“I don’t want to fuck it up.”
