Page 74 of Told You So
Shrugging, I take a sip of my water. “It’s going fine.”
“Just fine?” He stabs his lettuce onto his fork, like it’s just another dinner.
“Yeah.” I set my fork down on my untouched plate. “So—why did you buy Mom roses?”
They look at each other, confused. “I always buy your mother flowers before family dinner.”
“Yeah, but why? You guys aren’t really together and I know that now, so it’s weird.” When they exchange another glance, I can’t take it anymore. “Why am I here, exactly?”
“You’re here for dinner, of course.” My mom takes a bite of her ravioli.
“Are we really going to sit here and pretend like we’re a happy family—asking me about my projects...Dad’s dishing up your food for you, like that’s normal.”
“It is normal, Nicholas,” my mom says.
“Yeah, but, aren’t we going to address the elephant in the room, because it’s creeping me out that we’re pretending I didn’t see Dad groping some woman in his office.”
“Nick, that’s enough,” my dad says, and the grasp I had on my emotions when I walked in loosens, it’s almost overwhelming.
“You two have been lying to me for, what, three years or something? You want to just brush it all under the rug and that’s supposed to be okay?”
“We’re not brushing anything under the rug, Nick.” My dad’s voice is stern and demanding, but it doesn’t faze me. He lost that power over me when he started screwing his coworker.
“What do you want to talk about, Nicholas?” my mom asks. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to know why you are both still acting like you’re married when you haven’t been for a long time. What happens now? Dad, are you moving out—reallymoving out?”
“We haven’t decided what we’re going to do next,” he explains, but it’s not a satisfactory answer.
“Are you sorry about what you did?” I ask.
“Yes, of course I’m sorry about what happened. I never wanted to hurt your mother, or you.”
“Nick,” my mom says, “we just wanted a nice dinner with you. We wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Well, I’m not okay,” I tell her honestly. I see the hurt fill her eyes, but I’m not sure why she’s surprised. “How did you really think this was going to go?” I shake my head and sit back in my chair. “I feel like I’m in The Twilight Zone.”
My dad folds his hands and rests them on the table. His expression is unmoved, and it feels like I’m talking to a wall.
“Do you have anything else to say?” I ask him.
He clears his throat and glances at my mom. “I don’t expect this to be easy for you, Nick, and I understand why you’re angry, but your mother has forgiven me—”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” she says into her wine glass.
“Look,” he says, impatient. “Nick, I wish you knew how sorry I was. I didn’t want this to happen. It just did. I can’t undo it, no matter how much I want to.”
My mom fingers the edge of her napkin.
My dad rubs the side of his face.
I stare between them, and the three of us sit wordless for what feels like eons as the grandfather clock ticks back and forth, measuring the silence.
“You know what I wish?” I ask him. “I wish you could see yourself the way I’ve seen you my whole life. I wish you knew how shitty it feels to know the man you’ve aspired to be is really a selfish asshole who blew off his son and broke his wife’s heart. I wish you knew what it felt like for me to walk in on you with another woman. Or that you acted like it was nothing more than some awkward misunderstanding. You cheated on your family—you lied.”
“Yes, I know I cheated!” he finally says with some emotion. “I know I screwed up and I’m sorry. I truly am, but I can’t undo it, Nick. I know you wish we could rewind and go back, but we can’t. This is just how it is now, even if it’s uncomfortable for you.”
I blink at him, processing.
