Page 43 of Bite of the Gargoyle

“I need to do this on my own.”

Balor nods. “If Derith sees us together, it will only put you in further danger. Will you…” he pauses. “Before you leave, would you join me for… whatever meal is appropriate to this time of day? Time passes strangely in Shadow Dark. Day and night mean little here.”

I can’t help smiling. “Breakfast or dinner, that sounds nice.”

“Thank you, Jo.”

It’s strange but now hearing him calling me by my name… it almost seemed better when he referred to me as Suisse. An odd thing to be sure. I can’t help but wonder if I feel such a way because ‘Suisse’ clearly meant and still means so much to him, but when he calls me by my true name, I feel something I can’t quite identify. A queasy sensation in my stomach and that tingling in my arm, as if there’s a little bell inside my wrist, like one you’d put on the collar of a cat to warn birds of its approach.

***

The meal, whatever it is, is perfectly pleasant. Balor chats with me and asks me question after question about my life since ‘we parted’. He clearly still thinks of me as Suisse and acts as if she’s simply been on a long vacation and has finally returned. He doesn’t act as if death has separated them at all. Strange. Given his bizarre reaction to me, I suppose it’s understandable that he’s curious regarding what I’ve been up to since my untimely death. On the one hand, I feel sorry for him as he’s lost someone he cared for very much. On the other hand, though, there’s something about him that I find unnerving. Maybe it’s that I’m fairly sure he’s controlling? It’s almost as if there’s now a part of Suisse’s life (mylife) that he hasn’t had a say in and now wants that say. Almost as if he wishes to possess something that slipped him by.

Or maybe that’s just my biased reaction. I try to think of this from his point of view—the point of view of someone who lost his wife cruelly, and now unexpectedly has her back again—or almost has her back. Is there a normal way in which to behave in such a circumstance? I don’t imagine there is.

Eventually, I get a chance to ask a question of my own.

“What is it like? Being a gargoyle-vampire?”

Balor sits back in his chair, puffing out his cheeks. “I suppose… I suppose it’s not so terribly bad.” His eyebrows reach for the ceiling. “It could certainly be worse. It has its restrictions but it also has its benefits.”

That’s a very different response to the one Derith gave me when he referred to it more as a living hell.

“It is lonely,” Balor goes on. And his eyes drift up to look at me in a way I find disconcerting—like he’s not really looking at me, Jo, but at something only he can see. But then again, I’m looking at a comparative stranger while in his mind, he’s looking at his wife. We’re on different levels and that is bound to be uncomfortable.

“Something on my face?” I suggest, as his stare continues.

Balor half-smiles, turns away, and looks embarrassed. “It has been so long since I saw you last and now you are leaving me again. I want to drink in every moment I can.”

“I said I’d be back and I meant it.” Whether he’s telling the truth or not, I will be back, but if he’s lying to me, I’ll be back for very different reasons.

Balor nods. “It is very hard for me not to worry, knowing that you are going to confront Derith.”

“I didn’t say that was definitely what I was going to do.”

His eyes flash up at me and when he speaks, it’s as if I can feel his voice inside me, speaking from within. “But you are going to confront him, no?”

And suddenly I know that I am. I have to. With the information Balor has given me, there’s truly no way I can’t confront Derith. The decision is made and it’s as if it was always this way.

“I’ll be careful. He hasn’t tried to hurt me yet.”

“But if he guesses where you have been—that you have been with me—that may change things. Remember,” again his voice takes on that inner resonance I find strange and disturbing, “that is the man who killed your family.”

A stark, white streak of hatred pierces through me at his words. It’s as if I’d not known it until that moment and now that I do, I can’t suppress that fire that flares up within me—as if Balor’s words ignited the pyre within. Yes, I’m going to confront the man who robbed me of my family in the most traumatic way imaginable. This is the encounter I’ve spent most of my life waiting for, the one for which I’ve been hunting all these years. Every monster I ever killed has only been a rehearsal for this final moment.

“I remember,” I reply, and my own voice now seems changed too. “I never forget. I wear that scar every day and it won’t heal until I meet him and end him.”

Balor smiles. “I am glad we got to speak tonight.”

***

The meal winds up quickly after that, and soon I find myself at the gates of Shadow Dark. I can see daylight outside, though it’s mostly fighting a losing battle against the thick canopy of dark forest above. At the glow, Balor recoils.

“I can go with you no further, my dear. Do what you must, and know that I await your return with bated breath.” Then he motions to one of his strange monsters who escorted us and the upright beast hands him an object wrapped in a piece of crimson velvet. He unwraps the velvet and hands me a sword. “I imagine you will need this.”

It’s an awkward parting. It feels as if much has changed between us over dinner (or breakfast or whatever the meal was) but that uncertainty about Balor still glows inside me. I still don’t know quite what or who to believe.

“My wolves will guide you through the forest back to more familiar paths.”

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