Page 34 of A Harmony of Procellarum

“Whatever,” I say as I stand. “Let’s go see which babies are being taken home today.” It’s like a lottery of survival. The longer you’re trapped inside these walls, the less chance you have of ever making it out.

Before I even make it to the doorway, Sister Mary appears, her eyes narrowing in on me. “Shereen!” she calls out. “Come here.”

I stand to the side, making myself seem small and unnoticeable as the others come forward, blocking me from sight. Shereen slowly makes her way to Sister Mary, her eyes downcast and her body curved inward. She’s afraid of them now.

“You have someone here to take you home.” We all gasp at Sister Mary’s words because that can’t be right. Shereen is one of the older kids. There’s no way she’s leaving.

“What?” I scream out as I push my way to the front of the murmuring crowd. “Who would want her? She’s damaged!”

Sister Mary crowds in on me, grabbing my arm and giving me a shake. “Shut your mouth,” she hisses and turns, dragging me out of the room with her. “Come, Shereen!” she calls out over her shoulder.

“She’s really leaving?” I ask, unable to stop the trembling of my voice. “Why?”

“It’s probably my sister,” Shereen whispers as Sister Mary and I stop to look at her. “She always promised to come get me.”

“I’m not letting you leave here without a conversation first.” Sister Jane appears in the foyer of the large home just as Sister Mary releases my arm with a shove. “Take those gloves off your hands,” she barks at Shereen. I shrink back into the shadows just as Squall appears beside me, providing me with sudden relief. “You’re going to tell your sister that you worked the kitchens and these burns are from boiled water.”

“What?” I step forward, causing both women to look over at me. “Don’t do that, Shereen.”

“Get out of here!” Sister Mary screams. “Both of you!”

“Shereen, you have to tell your sister what’s happening here. It could save us,” I plead with her and finally she lifts her head to look at me, narrowing her eyes slightly as her lips curve upward into a sneer.

“Not in a million years,” she hisses, as she pulls off the gloves and throws them to the floor. “I hope you stay here and rot.”

Her hands are dark and disfigured, the scars scattered all over the tops and palms. “You’ll let them do that to you and get away with it?” I yell as Sval grabs my arm and pulls me back toward the dining hall. “You’re a fucking coward. You could save everyone here! Even Haynes! Does he deserve to be here?”

Her mouth trembles at the accusation, but her shoulders square and she stands firm. “Yes, if it means you suffer. He chose to be your friend and that’s why he will go down with you.”

She turns her back as the Sisters close in around her, whispering threats, no doubt. Sval shoves me into Raiden, who wraps his arms around me, and that’s when I realize I’m crying. We’re doomed to stay here forever because of me.

“Let’s get our chores done,” Raiden suggests, as he leads me away from everyone and guides me toward our room. “Why don’t you rest? I will take care of the toilets today.”

“I wish Mom and Dad were still alive,” I sob as I fall onto my bed. “I would rather die than live here another day.”

“Don’t say that, Victor.” Raiden sits beside me and rubs my back. “I’m getting us out of here.”

“You’ve been saying that for years!” I bellow, startling him into standing. “How have you helped us get out? We’re stuck here until I do something about it, just like Father Robert!”

He backs away from me, looking as if he’s afraid, and it makes me wonder what he’s seeing in my eyes. Is it the demon?

“Just rest, Victor,” he repeats. “I’ll take care of the toilets.” And then he’s gone, just like most things in my life. Except for Sval. No matter how mean I am to him, or how many despicable things I do, he sticks around for some reason.

I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, willing myself torest. Jealousy courses through me at the thought of Shereen getting out of this place and having a family who cares enough to fight for her. Even though it took over three years. I wish I had someone who cared, who would fight for years to save me. I think of Raiden, and I know if he could, he would save me over and over again.

But he can’t.

When it’s clear rest isn’t coming, I get up out of bed and decide to go see Sval. I should go clean the fucking toilets, but if Raiden is giving me a day off, I will take it. Trips to mass in the basement have been tough, and going there alone is even scarier, but I need to get over the fear of it. I killed Father Robert in there and I was saved from the twisted Sisters’ wrath. I shouldn’t be afraid of a place I seem to find my courage in.

I hate how I must take the same staircase to the laundry as I would to the basement, and then I give myself a shake. I can do it, and this time, without being a fucking pussy.

I peek out around the doorway of the boys’ sleeping room and look down the hall toward the basement door. With hurried steps, I rush down the corridor, only to stop short when I pass by the girls’ sleeping room. I take a few steps back and look inside, seeing the bed Shereen usually sleeps in, and another rush of jealousy comes over me. I hope to one day see her again, only to look her in the eye when she’s close to death. That would make everything better.

With one last, lingering look, I head toward the basement door, the jealousy quickly turning to anger. I’m angry about being here, about dealing with sadistic adults, and I’m angry with God for not making my life easier. What did I ever do to deserve this place? This Hell?

The door to the basement opens and I flatten myself to the wall beside it, hoping to avoid a Sister. If they see me, I will be forced to clean the toilets and that would make my day even worse.

“Sval!” Sister Mary yells. “These sheets need to be folded better! They’re unraveling in my arms!” I step away from the door to find the Sister standing at the top of the basement stairs, her back to me as she juggles a stack of thin sheets. “Stupid buffoon,” she mumbles, clearly speaking about Sval.

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