Page 34 of A Naked Beauty

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to bring that life here. This is the life I want…what we have…” He gestures between us. “You and me…untouched by my fame.”

“That’s not possible. You are famous. That’s our reality.”

He shoves a hand through his hair. “I fucked up last night, Dee. Walking out on you…I have no excuse. There isn’t one to justify it. All I could think about was my need to protect you. And then you said that I couldn’t.” He briefly closes his eyes. “It hit me hard—my failure to protect you just like I’d failed to protect my mother.”

Oh Mick. I had thought his agonized pleas were for himself. I should have known better. “Your nightmare was about your mom.”

He nods as a look of shame stalks his eyes.

I slide my arms around him; my heart bleeding with sorrow for the woman and boy who lived that terror, and for the man that it still haunts. Hearing me say that he can’t protect the people he loves from everything—as true as that is—for someone like Mick, it’s the cruelest of blows.

“I’m sorry for saying what I did last night. That was insensitive. I didn’t mean to dredge up old memories.”

“I know that, Dee. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Nor do you, Mick. You were a little boy. You didn’t fail your mother. And you didn’t fail me either. I failed you.”

He shakes his head, refusing to relinquish the blame. “I just want to make you happy. I don’t want anything to get in the way of what we have.”

“Then we won’t let it. We’ll find a way to deal with your fame. I’ll find a way. Just trust me not to run scared.”

He takes my hand and threads our fingers together. “When I quit the NBA, I left all that it entailed behind me. I was determined to finally have my own life—write, build out Papa’s Kids, coach Dwayde’s team where basketball was fun, not about fame or money, or my old man.”

“You haven’t said much about him.”

“There’s nothing to say. He’s out of my life.”

Which doesn’t comport with the tension cording his muscles or explain why, as I’d learned from Mama T, that he’d bought the man he despises a mansion. So many questions, but given his closed demeanor on the subject, I decide to hold off when the nightmare isn’t so fresh.

“What happened after you quit?” I ask.

“Reporters that had covered me for years were curious, of course. I’d made a living being in the public eye and I couldn’t just drop out of sight because I’d had enough. It took a couple of months for the hype over my retirement to settle down. Asher, my PR Director, handled press releases about Papa’s Kids. I didn’t give many interviews unless it was related to that. Otherwise, I kept a low profile. Not the kind of normalyouknow, but as close to normal as I could get.” His voice takes on a heavy tone. “Dwayde paid a heavy price for my fame.”

Another guilty burden he bears.

“I’m not ready to put you…to put us out there.” Mick lifts my hand to his lips in a habitual gesture that conveys how special I am to him. “For a while longer, I want to hold on to this…you and me. No media. No publicity. Don’t we deserve that—after all the years we’ve been apart, after everything we’ve been through? Don’t we deserve more time just for us?”

I can’t deny the truth of that or the relief I feel. Our relationship is still new and more serious than either of us has ever had. We need to learn how to navigate through that uncharted territory without the added pressure of the media. I mean, it has been days since we were seen at the Lemon Lounge. If our dancing together and that kiss hadn’t been reported on by now, it probably wouldn’t be. There is no harm in delaying. It’s actually better, I continue to rationalize.

The custody hearing is in less than five weeks. Though no conflict of interest exists—I was hired as Dwayde’s lawyer, not as an impartial advisor to the courts—still, I’m aware of the optics. If the media learned of our relationship it could muddy the ethical waters and turn this case into a sideshow. Dwayde doesn’t need to be caught up in any public spectacle on top of everything else he’s dealing with.

“What are you thinking?” Mick asks, studying my face.

“That more time for us sounds wonderful.” His double take makes me smile. “Were you expecting a different response?”

“I’m not always sure what to expect with you.”

“Nice to know.” I give him a smacking kiss on the lips. “That will keep you on your toes.”

“You can have me on my toes, my knees…at your feet…anywhere you want me.”

“That sounds promising.”

“So, we’re good?”

“Not about you keeping things from me. I mean it, Mick, that isn’t okay.”

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