Page 15 of My Accidental Holidate

Scribble & Scribe was a bust. The only thing I found there was a bristling Rosie, who told me that I need to make up my mind and be honest with people, before the bell on the door jingled and she was off to do her job.

And she’s right. I do.

I drive over to Lucy’s house. It’s dark inside on this cloudy day.

I ring the doorbell, but nothing.

Kurt: I’m at your place. If you’re in there, please let me in.

But there’s nothing. And my stomach drops.

I messed up. I needed to tell her what I was feeling inside. She deserves that after being pulled into my ruse.

I’m driving away when I get a text.

Lucy: I think I need some space. With my past, I need an honest relationship, someone to love me unconditionally and to know that the person I’m with is all in. Since you haven’t told your family, I feel like I’m living a lie. And I don’t want to be that person. I could have fallen for you, Kurt, but falling for the dream and living in this harsh reality isn’t safe for me. Thank you for understanding.

Part of me is destroyed. But part of me admires her for knowing her boundaries. For telling me what she needs. And if I can’t be that man, that she will not change what she needs. It’s something new in her.

I remember back at the restaurant that I could see her struggling with the guy who left. She needed to stand up for herself and that’s exactly what she’s doing.

I’ve messed up.

I want to make this right.

But I’m not sure how.

Grandma…

* * *

“What’s up, Kurt?”Grandma asks while misting my mother’s plants. They both have dark green thumbs and make the solarium look like a jungle.

“I think I messed up with Lucy.”

“You mean Lulu?” she looks out of the corner of her eye.

She knew all along?

“You knew?” I should ask with so much disbelief. I’m not an actor.

“I suspected. But when your mother and I went to her paper and stationery store, I knew. She looked like she was ready to vomit. It wasn’t real, right?”

I swallow. “That’s the problem. It’s real, and I didn’t tell her how real my feelings are.” I pace back and forth, finally falling into a rattan settee and Grandma joins me.

“That girl needs this family.”

“I need her.” I remember back to that night she asked about my dreams. “I started a non-profit for my rescue yesterday. I’m going ahead with it and she’s the one who made me see that I should go for my dreams. She’s so passionate about that store—it’s her dream. But I was blind to see that she’s really my biggest dream.”

“Cheesy.”

I laugh remembering Lucy saying the same.

“What should I do, Grams?”

She sighs. “Give her some space and time.”

“Really?”

---