Page 80 of Trusting a Cowgirl

“I’m not scared,” she whispered. Her hand dropped from his shoulder to cover his heart. “I know you’re a good man. What are we if we can’t make mistakes and learn from them? That’s a world I don’t want to live in. Besides, whatever it is you’re worried about, it happened when you were on duty. You had to follow orders. Sometimes we aren’t given a choice.”

“There’s always a choice, Grace. I just think I made the wrong one.”

Her brows furrowed. “You can tell me about it. I promise no judgments. I’m not going anywhere.” She became distinctly aware of how close they remained—the way his hands at her waist felt. A tingle raced through her like a shooting star just before daylight.

His expression broke and he stepped back, releasing her. “I’ve kept it bottled up for so long…” He turned his back to her and let out a heavy breath.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to…”

“No. You’re right.” He shot a look over his shoulder toward her, then sighed again. “My last assignment was overseas in a desert country I’m not supposed to name—right when there was a peace treaty between the president and a militant political group.”

That didn’t sound so bad. Treaties were supposed to be good for everyone, right?

“Our mission was to support the armament of AH-64D Apache attack helicopters. But during the treaty, no US troops were allowed to engage with local nationals.”

His words jumbled in her head, only parts making sense.

Riley’s voice broke and he looked away. “During that time, an unfathomable amount of the country’s national army were attacked and executed, and we weren’t allowed to protect them—all because of that treaty.”

She sucked in sharply, the picture starting to come together. Chills swept over her body. She couldn’t imagine being in that situation.

“The body count grew daily. There was nothing we could do. The radio calls ended with silence as they were killed, screaming for help.” A sob burst from his chest and he covered his face with his hands. “I could have helped, Grace. So many innocent people, and I did nothing.”

Grace reached out to him as if her touch could heal the scars he wore. His shoulders shook and he slumped down onto the ground. This wasn’t how their ride was supposed to go. She collapsed beside him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered.

His harsh breathing settled and his hoarse voice broke through the silence. “Our mission was to send US assets home, stay the course, don’t save the local nationals even though it was within our abilities.” Riley looked up at her with red eyes. “I came home knowing I could have saved hundreds of lives, but I was forced to focus on shutting down all of the bases instead.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Her words sounded so trite, so hollow. It wasn’t any wonder that he’d struggled with this information. She wished she could convince him that he didn’t have to carry it all on his shoulders. But that would be like telling a cow that it didn’t have to graze. This was a part of him that had been carved deep into his soul. No one would ever truly understand.

Riley stared straight ahead, his eyes glazed over. He sniffled, then wiped his face with the back of his hand. “No civilian will ever know what it is like, trying to sleep as mortar cannons are going off right outside their sleeping quarters.” He glanced up at her. “And that really bad virus made it ten times worse. If someone even sneezed, they were sent off to be tested for it. And if they got flagged for it, they were sent away to an isolation camp for two weeks and left alone as their insanity took over. We were being attacked from all sides.”

Tears burned behind her eyes and one slipped down her cheek as the full weight of everything he’d been through came down on her.

They sat there, the sun cresting the hills in the distance. The silence suffocated her. The therapist part of her wanted to say something, give him advice on how to deal with it. Perhaps that was one of the reasons they weren’t supposed to push their clients to talk details. But he wasn’t her client.

He was the man she loved.

Grace tightened her arms around him, holding him close as if she were the only thing that could protect him from the world. “You are the strongest man I know,” she said quietly.

Riley glanced up at her with surprise. His brows pulled together and he tugged at her, pulling her to sit in his lap. “I failed all of those people.”

She shook her head, placing her palm against his cheek. More tears spilled down her face and she forced a sad smile. “You did what you were ordered to do. You weren’t the one making the calls. We don’t know why God allows such terrible things to happen… but we can count on him to bring us peace when we need it most.”

His hard expression softened. “I’ve been thinking about God. And I think he must have sent you to help me.” Riley’s gaze dipped lower, shifting to her lips for the briefest of moments before he locked his eyes with hers. Then he gently brushed his lips against hers.

He tasted of salt and desperation, his kiss suddenly claiming her for his own. She gave into him, throwing her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply and with her whole heart. Nothing hung in the balance between them now. It felt like they were one.

She pulled back, her forehead pressed against his. “I love you, Riley. Every smile, every tear, every scar. I need you to know that.”

Riley nodded, his eyes shutting tight. “I love you too,” he whispered.

There was no need to discuss where things would go from here. He’d bared his soul to her, and she’d been there to pick up the pieces. They might have gotten to this point a little backward, but she knew in her heart they were finally on the same path, moving toward the same dream.

29

Riley

Six months later

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